Tuesday, December 30, 2003

I changed the template for my blog....but now my old link to my blog does not seem to show the updates and things I have added. Not sure what is wrong. Perhaps it works for anyone and everyone if anyone else is looking at it. I will go in and see if I can find a new link somewhere

Saturday, December 27, 2003

Well....I steel like crap! So much so I decided to go see a doctor today...and PAY THE EXTRA after hours price even! I know I have a combination of things going on with me....one being PERIMENOPAUSAL SYMPTOMS......oh the JOY! I have a cyst on my remaining left ovary....that causes me problems. AND I have all these hormonal things going on I cannot always control...what fun for everyone that is. PLUS it does not help to have a husband who obviously does not really LISTEN to anything I have to say about how I feel....or whatever. I have told him over and over I have felt like crap now for 2 months. I guess he does not hear. I have struggled to get all the basic living things done every day here at home...and with work...and also do all the holiday stuff...which I actually succeeded in doing pretty well...except for finishing our bedroom and some other final things. It has taken me till right up to Christmas to complete those tasks however...and meanwhile I feel crappy. Tomorrow we were to have all of his kids and his dad over for Christmas. Just the thought of all that had to be done was depressing and overwhelming to me. I can barely walk lately I feel so bad...and my back hurts as I think another kidney stone is moving around to come out.....etc....I have lost 10 pounds in like 10 days....wonderful as I need to lose weight but also disturbing as I do not know WHY this has happened. I have a 49 year old husband who I have to yell at to have him actually HEAR anything I apparently say. No wonder I get down in the dumps or mad or STRESSED!! Anyway..the doctor put me on some antibiotics finally...and did some blood work. I am not diabetic. Actually after you eat a random glucose should be a little higher than normal and mine was kind of low even then...so it was fine. I told the doctor I sometimes tend to have lower blood sugars and I have to eat things and do things at different times to actually feel better...so maybe I have the opposite? WHO KNOWS. I am thankful all my labs he ran today came back perfectly fine....he did recommend I keep my appointment with my OB-GYN to talk to them after being examined as to my options with my cyst and my HORMONES...etc. I think a lot of how I feel is because of the cyst...and I cannot see keeping something inside me for long when it is not something GOOD. So we will see...maybe I will end up having it removed?

Anyway....here it is the day before Keith was to have Christmas with his kids. He had not yet even completed his shopping or wrapping. We had to do the laundry and clean the house....which TOGETHER would probably not have taken all that long. We had to get all the stuff for dinner tomorrow night and he of course once again does not have the money for that. Never has the money to end up getting his kids presents and pay for the dinner and other things...for their Christmas. AND it is not like he helped pay for any of my family's presents because he did not. SO why should I continue to pay for part of his kid's Christmas and dinner and all the stuff and DO all the stuff. It is time he takes on some of that responsibility himself. It must not be all that important to him in the long run or he would make sure to have the money set aside..and the shopping done..etc. NO excuses this year. We did not travel to Ohio and spend money. Sure we got 2 new cars and had that extra to pay for license plates and stuff...but....we had no house payment for 2 months as we refinanced. SO again no excuses. He makes just as much as me.....and he should be able to set aside money to get them some nice presents....he ends up WINGING it. This year I would once again have had to save his ass by buying presents too....(which I really don't mind but I have limited money right now too)....I would have to wrap...I would have to make dinner and all the food for Sunday and I FEEL LIKE CRAP. I guess he has not heard me for the past 2 months!!!???

FINALLY after going to the doctor and all..and telling him I actually felt so bad I felt like I was dying...I think he HEARD ME. Shame you have to be practically on your deathbed before someone will LISTEN to you.

I ache all over...can barely move my arms and legs as they feel all sore.....and stuff. No fever but blowing crap out of my nose. I know colds and sinus problems are enough by themselves to make you feel like crap. I also find it amusing how Keith thinks apparently I can do it all no matter what.....even when I feel bad..but yet if HE has to do the same things..then suddenly "we don't have to do all that". WOW...you mean we had options all along?

SO...Christmas with his kids is now OFF for tomorrow and unless I feel much better real soon it will be off FOR GOOD. He can deliver the presents to their houses or something as far as I am concerned. I want to sit and rest and sleep and rest and sleep and rest and sleep and rest!~ I want to take it easy. We stopped at the store and MINUS a birthday gift I picked up for Noah and some on sale Christmas cards...I still spent 50+ dollars. With the gift and cards it was over 70.00. NOW...I told Keith I had not even gotten all the stuff for SUNDAY either if we were still going to have that....and he of course could not believe I spent that much and had not gotten anything like we had talked about for Sunday dinner let alone help buy presents. So...who knows when he will do this now. I TOLD HIM NEXT YEAR HE can do it all. HE CAN MAKE the arrangements...buy the presents....do the shopping and make dinner or BUY dinner and all that. I AM DOING NOTHING..the same as he does to help me with my family's portion of things. I also have a bad attitude when it comes to his kids...as they tend to usually only be around or show up when they want something. Keith does not hear much from them otherwise.....and I get tired of that as he does. So of course they want to come over for their presents.....but if Christmas was not here I doubt they would be coming over for anything.

OH WELL. I have a bad attitude all around....and it would be no wonder I am depressed or moody if I am. I feel like I am taken for granted a lot...at home and at work. I have a bad attitude lately at work too. So.....I guess I am going to start THINKING ABOUT MELINDA for a change and how I feel or what I NEED instead of always worrying about everybody else and catering to Keith and his kids and work all the time. I cannot imagine what it would even be like to have someone cater to me. I could count on one hand the number of times that has ever happened in my entire lifetime anyway! NO..I am not feeling sorry for myself. I have taught people to apparently treat me this way. SO things are going to change is all I can say now.

Well..I am hungry. Time for dinner...and then PJs and sleep/resting.

Friday, December 26, 2003

Well...I am not very good lately about writing (typing) in this journal. Oh well. Seems I am always so busy. I am now on vacation for Christmas and New Years and have already been off work for let's see.....5 days and it feels like ZERO! I guess with all the HUSTLE and BUSTLE it makes it hard to feel like you are ever on a real vacation unless you actually go SOMEWHERE to take a real vacation. I have been so busy around the house and our Christmas is not even officially over yet as we have extended family to celebrate it again with on Sunday. I have not felt really well for about 2 months now. Makes it hard to do basic living skills let alone anything EXTRA!!

Christmas was nice...but exhausting and I still do not have all the projects done I wanted to get done. I often wonder if I EVER will have everything done. I guess not....cause if I did then what? It has been nice to sleep in longer or more often! To read occasionally and fun, simple things like that. I have actually been losing weight while on the holiday which is good! Not sure how. I may see the doctor tomorrow. Anyway...I realized today how BORING my blog probably is. I am in the process of "thinking" about a new blog or revamping this one. Not sure. If I wrote down all the HIDDEN things in my mind it might make for interesting reading.....but I am not sure I want the entire world to know all my HIDDEN thoughts.

Saw Peter Pan today at the theater! It was very good although some parts werea bit drawn out. Spent my 50.00 Target gift card today online for some movies. I got DVDs of Rear Window, Grumpy Old Men and An Affair to Remember. HUM....that is an interesting assortment. Wonder what that might mean if anything?

Well..I am so tired and boring I am going to sign off. SO many things I had wanted to write about but now cannot even recall them. SO I am sure they were not worth mentioning anyway.

Later..time for PJs and EGGNOG!

Thursday, November 13, 2003

WOW..over a month since I last made an entry. Well..where to begin. I found out I have a cyst on my remaining left ovary. I guess next step will be to make an OB-GYN appointment and get their recommendations. Most times I know you can let them go...but when you get older they don't like for women to have things like that in their bodies. I know sometimes it can turn to ovarian cancer. DEFINITELY DO NOT WANT to get that. SO...I will have to talk to them and request a blood draw be performed for that screening. And then get their advice. Need a complete physical in general. I am long overdue. I know I am going through perimenopause. JOY JOY. I have not had a period now since Sept. NO...not pregnant. Just screwy periods. OR NONE...all part of "the process".

Been doing a lot of thinking. I wonder why men or the majority anyway cannot seem to live their lives other than by the CROTCH of their pants. THEIR NEEDS....it is always about them. You could be the most perfect wife....and give them everything they want and most men will still do things they should not to jeopardize that marriage. Why is that. Are they that stupid? or just plain selfish? Or never learned how to control their LOINS? OR EMOTIONAL NEEDS and all that other CRAP basically? Weird. I am thankful I don't have a penis. I cannot imagine having a brain that small and still being able to function. No wonder they have problems. I got to thinking. I don't believe I have EVER been with any man who did not cheat on me in some fashion. Maybe one..my first boyfriend in high school I don't think did. That was it. My first husband did. He ended up marrying one of the many women he messed around with. Keith (my husband now) has not physically messed around with anyone....at least I don't believe so. BUT he has many many times over and over again met up with women online or over the telephone through work and started PHONE/COMPUTER relationships with them. Now why the need for that? AND he must talk in a way to lead them all as they all end up talking about "love" and all that crap. Weird. Of course he mentions it to them too. I don't know how anyone can convince themselves that doing things like that and lying about it is not PURSUING it...and stopping it instead (IN THEIR MIND) OH WAIT. I know why. Cause their brain is equal to the size of the ego and penis! Forgot about that. God has given me a gift....it is truly amazing. I know things about people they don't know I know. I can tell them what they have done and they are amazed I know how and they don't know HOW I KNOW. I know things about Keith and he does not understand how I know these things or find out these things. Perhaps he thinks I am stupid. I am beginning to think he is not bright at all. EVEN in feeble attempts at lying and such I have ALWAYS caught him. I am surprised he continues to even try to lie about anything. He smokes in secret and lies about it. I can ask him about smoking and he goes around sneak smoking at work..and then tells me and anyone else he does not smoke. Let's see..he is up to a pack and a half a week. I would call that smoking! WEIRD again. If he lies about that imagine what else he is lying about. SO...ONCE again I find out after all our crap we have already gone through that he has continued talking to the woman he was talking to 2 years ago when I just about left him because of it. ONLY occasionally and "friendly conversation only". My question is why talk to her at all if you knew it jeopardized your marriage once and could end it for sure next time round? AND now he is talking to some woman who works in UTAH for Quest..or did. She was fired. For mouthing off to her boss. Gee...sounds like another psycho. She called and he and her started talking. CRYING on each other's shoulders I suppose. She liked his VOICE on the phone..which I am sure stroked his ego. All leading to the frying pan and trouble. He is in the frying pan I told him and crisp. Talk about playing with fire. She is going through a divorce (gee..wonder why) and already living with some other man and meanwhile sending Keith cards about love...and calling him at work on his CELL PHONE (how convenient). He knows a lot about her and her about him. I guess he never thought (and he admitted he did not) that this could be some psycho who might freak out when he tells her to quit calling him..etc....and look him up or me and Noah up and blow us away to have him freed up for HER? HOW DARE he put his family in any danger like that. SINGLE YOUNG people do stupid things like that..not a 49 year old man. OH WAIT..I can hear yet another excuse coming. IT IS BECAUSE HE IS ALMOST 50 and what......another mid life crisis? YEah right. Get over it already! I could write a book of excuses. That is all I have ever heard from any man my entire life. He does not supposedly understand WHY he does things like this over and over again...knowing full well all along it is wrong and could ruin our life and marriage. Weird again. Then if you look at the women in your life you know....many have lived their entire lives like this..but even worse. Their husbands DID physically mess around on them but they stuck it out with them. AND have remained married a very long time. Perhaps you get to the point where it no longer really matters? As long as you can maintain a nice family life in your own home and are happy? I guess you can become like that. NUMB I guess. BUT yet happy. I sometimes have thoughts then about Keith doing away with me. I doubt that is normal. Poisoning me....coming at me in the shower...things like that. Not right...I guess because of his behavior? I feel he might get sick of my crap and bitching (due to perimenopause don't forget) that he might freak out and do it one day? I also worry if something happened to me...about Noah being around him all the time. I don't think of Keith as being a very stable or responsible person as far as putting things in the proper priority and perspective. he is too worried about himself and his needs to think about Noah. I could see him pushing Noah on the back burner all the time and running around trying to line up a woman to TAKE CARE OF HIM again. SiCK. That is how our relationship originally started. At least he admitted to that finally. He was getting a divorce and was so afraid of being alone and lonely he had to line up another woman to take his ex's place ASAP. I was one of MANY he was in communication with at that time. He liked what he saw and chose ME..WOW how lucky for me huh? Of course he supposedly fell in love with me and all that crap. I suppose that is possible. I still believe God can take something that started out crappy and turn it out to be good. I still believe by being faithful and steadfast that this will and can happen and that GOD will bless me and us. He has already over and over again. EVen when we don't deserve it. AT ALL. SO men are men I guess. Different from women we all know that. I think my life now is very good even through all this. That is odd too. How can I justify that? But it is. I am oddly happy. Weird again. I do get irritated a lot about Keith. I guess he never figured any of his actions would perhaps impact my MOOD swings lately. I would rather him be honest to me about anything though than lie. I hate liars. I have told him that over and over again and yet he continues to CHOOSE to lie. What is the point? The truth ALWAYS comes out in the end and I usually know things before he does anyway. SO I guess it really comes down to sharing your life with someone.....hopefully being faithful to that person.....but sharing all of it good and bad. KNowing that person has problems and WEIRDNESS about them...as you do. Keith is a very needy person. I am not very good about giving him what he needs apparently. I think he begins to look for it elsewhere...only a friend....you know..innocent talking..yeah right. Always leads to trouble. SO..it comes down to trust. If you don't have that what do you have? So.....makes me wonder about a lot of things. Funny..I cannot imagine living without him....but wonder why I am still here also. I mean never believing what the person you live with tells you is not great. NOt being able to count on them and believe in them to be a good role model for your child stinks. I DO resent that. ALL Noah would learn right now from Keith is how to cheat, lie and get away with things secretly.

Well...had a root canal..and my mouth is throbbing. I have been taking my pain pills AND Motrin together to get by every 3-4 hours or so. HOPE it lets up soon. My face did not swell as bad this time. I think I should try a professional endontist? someone who does nothing but root canals IF there is a next time. I PRAY there is not. The 2 I have had done have been horrible!

Noah and I are feeling a bit better. I still have horrible sinus problems but they are better controlled now with OTC decongestants. So I can breathe most of the day. My voice does not sound great yet. Noah may try school tomorrow.

Well..we are refinancing the VA loan to a lower rate. That is good. Christmas is coming up. We had talked about going back to Ohio this year at Thanksgiving. Not sure if we will. I kind of want to and then don't. It is a long drive and we would not be able to leave till Sunday before..so that is not much time. So we will see..but I am thinking probably not. So maybe next spring sometime would be nice (if not before then).

We go see Bear in the Big Blue House next Saturday the 22nd. SHould be fun for Noah too! Hope I can take pictures. There is a dinosaur exhibit this week at the Pepsi Center. We have tickets to go perhaps on Sunday. I think the show ends then. Not sure but I have heard it is pretty neat to see.

Well..I am rambling. Time to go and do something constructive.


Saturday, October 04, 2003

Warmer today than it has been in a while. It is actually around 75 degrees today. Did all our laundry up. Keith helped a little bit there. I had work to finish this morning. Got SOME of that done. Now I guess I will have to run downtown to the hospital to work tonight for a bit. Then back again Monday night. I should have probably ran down last night. Anyway....Keith and Noah went to the park this morning for a little bit. Then they called me to come pick them up. Noah was too tired to walk home I guess. We had lunch. Been busy since. Here I have a lot around the house to do....and Keith is too busy sitting on his butt watching television....and eating to watch Noah so I get work done. That is typical. Meanwhile....I try to get things done at other times...and with my schedule and lack of sleep it makes it hard. It has been all I can do lately to get my hours in for work..let alone do all this other stuff I have waiting around here to do. I need to reorganize our closets...and finish cleaning. Now of course it is time to clean again...as it has been at least a week since I did it the last time. Last load of laundry is finishing..so that will be done. I think I will take my little storage bins I got at the dollar store into the bathroomand work on that closet. Should be able to get it done. It will be a free for all at supper. Noah I will fix something for. Keith is on his own as I will be. I have NEVER in my life known anyone as NOSEY as KEITH though. NOT sure if he is afraid he will miss something or thinks I am talking about him or what. NOTHING gets past him with me sitting here writing at the computer. NOTHING!! Can be very irritating.

WELL...off to accomplish something. Here I wanted to finish decorating the house for fall this weekend. Looks like that will be tough to complete now.

More later.

Thursday, September 25, 2003

Well..after having pretty bad abdominal pain for 4 days I decided to go to the doctor. He could not tell me any more possible scenarios for the etiology for the pain other than what I had come up with. So..he sent me for a CT scan today. Not sure when I will know those results. I had to drink 2 bottles of this barium crap. Tasted like orange flavored spicey something...thicker than water....was not bad....but TWO BOTTLES!!! THEN they still injected me with more contrast via an IV when I got in the room. I thought drinking the 2 bottles would allow me to avoid that. BUT...I had a nice man come in to start my IV. He did a great job..as it did not hurt or anything. THOSE are the ONLY kind of people you want messing with your veins. Like the woman who did my blood draw the other morning after the doctor visit. I NEVER even felt that needle go in! SHe was very good. I have had her do my blood work before. AND I had to take everything off but my underwear in a changing room. The gowns they had of course were not very large...and would not fit comfortably on my arms..so I saw this LARGER gown. MY GOSH! It was a 10X!! Now who in the world needs or wears a 10X that goes into those places? I have never even heard of a 10X or knew they made a 10X!! I had to wear it...it was funny. I was laughing out loud to myself in the changing room. The people outside waiting probably thought I had lost it. I came out and looked like a balloon that was about to take flight on the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade! I announced that to everyone and they all got to laughing. The arms were so big on this you would probably see my entire body if you looked as I turned sideways. I basically had to HOLD my arms down tight the entire time. Man...oh well. I lost my modesty for those situations a long time ago. Something about having every orifice in your body probed does that to you eventually..hahaha. So...of course after all this..I think the pain is feeling a bit better. Now I wonder if I had a cyst on my ovary that ruptured and drained or something and now is fine again. I guess that could account for the pain and heaviness in the lower abdominal area. Course I have other symptoms that a cyst would not cause...so..who knows.

I am SOOO sleepy. I am ready for bed. I already told Noah no later than 8:30 p.m. tonight. They are having BUDDY day tomorrow at school. He is so excited. KEITH is going to go with him and all we have heard about is BUDDY day and DADDY going to school with Noah!! I suggested Keith go with Noah to school as I seem to always be the one who does everything with Noah. I figured it would do him some good to do something with Noah for a change. Not that I would not have liked going for Buddy day myself. I would have. Right now though sitting on the floor bothers my stomach...so it would not have worked out anyway. PLUS....I am trying to let Keith do more things with Noah as I think he SHOULD! So....

Picked up all the toys...gave Noah his bath. Swept the floor...opened my mail. Lit my candles...I am ready for BED!! hahaah. I did get a lot of work done last night at the hospital. Seems sometimes I can get more work done there as I seem to sometimes type faster and it goes directly into their system too which saves me a step and time in the end. It does not always work out that way with me getting more done at work. But lately I have noticed at home I get distracted a lot more or I have to stop and do things while I am working..which takes time away from me working. So that can add up. Anyway...I am in a good position tape wise and work wise this week now..so that is a good thing!

I got my poems published recently in a book. One poem was published in a book that came out this summer. I just got my copy today. Looks nice. So many poems in there!

About time to start wrapping my Christmas presents and sending them to Ohio. I wanted to wrap as I bought..still have not done that. BUT that is okay. I don't think I will have quite as much to send this year or not as big items....so it won't probably take me too long to wrap things anyway.

Noah is such as sweetie pie and considerate little boy. He loves to snuggle up with me.....makes sure I have everything I might need....if I even have hiccups he runs and gets his water bottle to give me a drink! He is something else. I don't think there is anything quite as nice as holding your own child in your arms and having them snuggle up with you and kiss you and tell you that they love you. He is quite the little man already...and I hope he stays that way as he gets older!

Well..I am rambling. I should have called this Blog "Ramblings" as that is all I end up doing. There was more I wanted to write about but I am tired and need to do a few more things before QUIET time and bed time.


Sunday, September 14, 2003

Another beautiful day. SO nice..not too hot or anything like that. In fact it is very cool outside. Was only in the 30s last night and now only around 63 degrees. Nice breeze. Can have your windows and doors open and let fresh air in.

Been doing a lot. Figured I needed to get off my butt and get into GEAR. I mean is anyone ever totally living today as if it might be their last day on Earth? I mean...are we ever totally caught up on everything and "have our house in order" so if something happened to us we would feel like we had accomplished everything we needed to? I guess we never really have everything accomplished to some degree because if we did...then what would most people do with themselves? I guess I am referring more to having your personal affairs in order or your "HOUSE IN ORDER" so to speak.

Anyway..I have accomplished a lot since Friday. Truly a miracle. I have found if I MAKE myself get moving and start a project...soon I am so into it I don't want to stop so I keep going and going and it gets done. I have my house clean...now I am ready to begin sorting things out for donation to charity.....or selling it or whatever......usually I give things to charity. I want to reorganize my closets....and decorate for fall..etc. So...I will start all that next week I guess as I at least got the cleaning done. I do have to finish dusting the bookshelves in the dining area and clean the counter top off. BUT everything else is done. SO..I am now about ready to move to the larger projects....which is going through things and sorting and finding better ways to store some things we do use but not every day.

THEN it will be time to paint some rooms in the house before winter. WILL BE NICE to make some small improvements if we can.

WHEN did MAN decide it was up to ALL women to FIX THEM FOOD all the time? Brother...I thought a partnership in a so-called marriage was to be split pretty fairly. SO far...I have never seen that happen. The woman seems to end up doing everything pretty much all thetime but taking out the trash on a regular basis (as she even does that from time to time ) and sometimes yard work or car work. She pretty much in most cases I know of does everything else ALL the time. I don't think we get too many breaks if any....unless we are practically dying or something. EVEN when we are sick it has to be really bad before we would get a break. AND THEN what kind of break is that? I mean how much do you have to do for someone who is puking and pooping at the same time and just wants to sleep in between? Not like you fix them meals or things like that. So anyway.....I have found this to be true time and time again. The woman gives everyone everything all the time....but always needs recharging herself and rarely gets it. I guess it is up to us to find ways to incorporate that into our already busy lives too!!

No wonder most women end up resenting most men. All give give give and take take take..not much in return. I would hate to list my daily schedule here compared to Keith's. No one would believe it.

ENOUGH...enough complaining. Off to enjoy the day!! My little Noah is waiting on me to play with him. He is such a sweetie pie and is so thoughtful and considerate of everyone around him most times.. I HOPE he continues to be that way as an ADULT.

OKAY..more later

Sunday, September 07, 2003

Well....been forever in between posts again. WHO KNOWS what my problem is. I woke up from a horrible dream this morning. I actually woke up crying/sobbing. It was about my youngest sister Melissa. She had gone and had some tests done which came back saying she had cancer.....and that it was probably caused from cigarette smoke exposure. THIS was all super weird.....as she never smoked but had been exposed to some smoke in her lifetime. Anyway....for some reason in this dream I started out as she did thinking she had cancer of her uterus or something like that. While she was off having more tests performed I asked her doctor WHERE she thought the cancer was...I asked " you don't think it is in her lungs do you?". Well..the look on the doctor's face confirmed that and she told me yes. Apparently Melissa was also jaundiced and her liver functions were not what they were supposed to be. I ASSUME (broken down pretty much spells out what ASS U ME does) anyway...I assume I DREAMED this because Melissa has been keeping me posted and updated on her former father-in-law as he had cancer and might have more...and he just had a liver transplant..etc. I GUESS that is why I would have such an explicit real dream. I DO HOPE and pray it is nothing true and wil soon leave my thoughts.

MEANWHILE...I bounced back and forth into this other dream...this one involving my grandparents. Another super weird dream...and one where it ends up they are after grandpa because he has a knife and is trying to hurt himself. Grandma eventually just let him go...and he stabbed himself in the chest. WHERE did THAT come from? brother....I guess I have too many odd thoughts going on inside this brain of mine.

Went to Albertsons the other day and got some good buys at the store. Every once in awhile they have 10 for 10.00 deals. So that means all those item are 1.00 each...so you can really stock up on some good things. I am going back today I think to get more things. I will soon need a bigger pantry!! Got a good deal on filet of pork loins there....these are the best cuts of pork you can get and normally 20.00 per roast. These were marked down to 1.50 or 2.50 each depending on the size. I picked up several...some salsa marinated and others lemon garlic. I made the salsa one yesterday. TALK ABOUT GOOD!!!!!!! THE ABSOLUTE BEST meat we have had in forever...and soooo tender and lean...so good. I now wish I would have bought more..and put more in the freezer. WHY I would even hestite to do so makes me wonder about my thinking now.....I got 3....so 2 are still in the freezer now...but when standing at the store and pondering on IF I should get 3 more...for some reason I was stumped...and I decided to NOT get more. Of course Sunday when I came to my senses....the store had already long since sold out the remaining roasts on sale. I will have to check this section in the store out in the future for good deals. MAN.......

Meanwhile...Keith broke a rib a week ago CHANGING a tire. YES...you read that right. His youngest daughter had a flat tire and he went over to help her change it...he was pulling up on the lug wrench to loosen the lug nuts when he felt and heard something snap..it was his rib. Brother...trying to get him to the doctor is unreal. So finally several days later he went. At least they could give him medicine to help him feel better but all the MUSCLE RELAXERS do is make him really really flighty and basically a walking zombie..and not really even a WALKING zombie. I told him if he got any more relaxed he would be dead. So he was not much help at all with anything yesterday..course I guess that is not so much different than normal anyway.

Not sure what is on our menu today. Sometimes on Sunday I make a nice breakfast. We had hot dogs, macaroni salad and baked beans yesterday for lunch and then pork loin, mashed potatoes and green beans for supper last night. Guess it was a PORK day. We RARELY have 2 big meals during one day...but we did yesterday. If we have a big breakfast this morning..we will skip lunch. (EXCEPT for Noah that is). Keith and I usually just have 2 meals per day...breakfast and lunch. YOU WOULD NEVER KNOW this by my size however.

Decided to buy BEAR IN THE BIG BLUE HOUSE live-show theater tickets for all of us to go see on Sat. November 22. WOW..talk about expensive. I still cannot believe I actually did this. We have seen the show they will put on before on DVD..it is very very good. I think Noah will love it...as I am sure even Keith and I will. BUT I DO hope and pray it is not too overly crowded or bad as far as the amount of people and kids there. I can only imagine! BUT hopefully it won't be too bad. We got excellent seats. Middle section on the floor in front of the stage ROW 2! WOW.....we will be right up there. IF I had gotten back on line earlier...I probably would have gotten FRONT row seats...but row 2 is fine. SO this will be an experience...we have not taken Noah to anything like this before. If he does well we may try taking him to a fancier show downtown at the Performing Arts Center like the Nutcracker at Christmas or something like that. We will see. There are so many things like that out here we could take him to. Also dinner theaters which are very very nice and a lot of fun to go to. I never dreamed I would someday in my life go to a dinner theater. I have been there several times. Saw Phantom of the Opera, South Pacific, and some Agatha Christie play. Seems like there was another one in there too but I could be wrong. They were all very very good!!

Ordered some new candles the other day. Have a few fall scented ones burning now...smell so good. I love VILLAGE candles...the absolute BEST for burning and scent and quality for your money. Their "O Christmas Tree" candle smells exactly like a live Christmas tree. So I got stocked up on some of those and some samples of smallers ones of the new scents to try. I DO LOVE burning and smelling my candles and the entire house smells so good when I do. With fall and winter coming up and the nights getting darker quicker I burn candles even more. They are nice.

Well...as usual I have projects I would like to do around the house and in my life in general. I wonder if that ever changes? Seems all I ever do is make lists of the things I need to do...and that list never changes much. Wonder what that means? I am HAPPY to have things to do...and I have been able this year to CROSS many large projects off my list. I guess I just need to get off my butt now and complete some other large projects to free up time to do what I want. Maybe that is it..subconsciously I hold back on ever completely finishing things so I never get to do the things I want or start other fun projects? Interesting thoughts. I have seriously considered paying someone to come in and dust my house every week or so. I can keep up on most things but for some reason I don't ever seem to keep up on the dusting. NO matter what I have done..I just don't. I wonder how much that would cost? Maybe just knowing how much it would cost would be incentive enough to have me do it myself. Little Noah LOVES to help me clean and dust.

Noah is doing well in school so far. He loves it of course. Hard to believe next year he will be in Kindergarten already. Time goes by too fast.

Man not sure what my problem is but I have not wanted to do anything lately. Like even now..I don't want to work or get things done around the house. I feel like I could just lay down and go to sleep and SLEEP....totally new concept as I am chronically sleep deprived. That is probably WHY I don't feel like doing much. I am too tired!!

Well..enough of this rambling. SHOULD have named my blog RAMBLINGS.....as that is all I do.

Okay..off as usual for now. Maybe more another time.

Wednesday, August 13, 2003

Well..it has been a super long time since I wrote anything in here. Been so hot this summer....100 degree days....my gas and electric (air conditioning) bill went up 75.00 in one month from using the AC pretty much nonstop I guess. I am so thankful and feel blessed to have it.

Noah went swimming in our pool the other day. I think he would go everyday if we let him. Today was his orientation at school. Looks like they will have a lot more kids this year in his class....and he has all new teachers except for 1....and all new kids. Some of the kids to me seemed kind of rough and bratty....but...unfortunately I guess he will be exposed to all kinds in life and he will need to learn how to handle certain situations. I know the teachers also do their best usually with watching the kids to teach them acceptable behavior..etc. I hope all goes well for him this year..he is really looking forward to it. I worry as usual...but try not to. I....like I am sure all mothers do...wish I could protect him from everything bad in the world. I guess he would end up being a social misfit if I did that. SO....off to school next week he goes. He loves it a lot and he is really looking forward to going back this year. His new classroom seems to have more areas for him to play in....and some neat things set up for him to do. Will be interesting to see how it goes.

I have a headache. My annual review is tomorrow morning at 7:30 a.m. Hopefully that will go well. Guess I will find out then.

I have completed 2 major projects here at home that have been hanging over my head and bugging me....a book for here at home with important information we might need in case of an emergency and a manual for work. My manual for work ended up being like 4-6 inches thick..but think it is very good. I guess I am anal retentive on some things. BUT..those are major accomplishments for me...I just wonder why I don't feel like I accomplished much. I still have some things I want to get done here at home this fall...but having those 2 BIG things done should make it easier for me to get the smaller things done.

Not much else new here. Keith's ex is selling their former home. YIPEEEE!! Legally his name will then come off that old mortgage!! WHICH IS GOOD thing as Martha always says.

Someone in our lot keeps dinging up our car doors...makes me ticked. Can't keep much nice these days it seems.

They are building a huge hospital not too far from our home. I imagine there will be all kinds of job possibilities for people in that area. The Children's Hospital is supposed to be moving in 2006 or 2007 to the old Fitzsimmons Army Base for their NEW hospital. I am not sure about making that drive even occasionally. I guess I would have to actually try it ou sometime and see how it goes.

Made some homemade ice cream las night. Good but you can get a BRAIN FREEZE headache every time you eat it At least I do...I guess cause it is so cold.

Well..I need to send some cards and letters out tonight on my way into work. I should probably call grandma Custer as I have not sent her anything now for a couple or more weeks. I feel bad about that.

Brought home some paint cards from Lowes to look at. We are going to do some painting this fall. I also want to put a new floor in the bathroom. There is old linoleum in there now...and I am hoping I can put a new floor right over the old linoleum. ANYTHING woud be better than what is there now. I also would like to replace or fix the kitchen faucet. Going to paint the kitchen and redo the cabinets and put up some wallpaper borders in the dining room and kitchen and bath and bedrooms. Think I will just paint a mural on Noah's wall.

Well..I am supposed to be doing some work so I better get back to it. More later.


Thursday, June 12, 2003

okay.....we got in and out early at the doctors today. Noah did great. Was all well....they checked his penis area. The doctor said it could be another Staph infection but at his age....a Staph infection in that area would look a little different probably and be more like blisters or sores.....she said it looked more to her like a fungal infection....like yeast infections or jock itch....ringworm..they are all caused I guess by similar fungus. Anyway...she said I could try over the counter medication for it but she wrote a prescription instead that we got filled at the same clinic. See..out here it is a ONE STOP shop....you can see the doctor...and then get labs or x-rays or pick up prescriptions all in the same place. MAKES IT SO NICE. She wrote a prescription out for Nystatin..well ordered it in the computer system. We then walked downstairs and picked it up. She said to use this 4 times per day along with hydrocortisone cream. If he worsens I am to get back in to the doctor right away. He should look better by Monday..if not they probably will have to see him back again.

I told her I found it off he had anything wrong as he has never had any problems especially around his penis or butt area. Course he has had problems around his butt when he has pooped and apparently something he ate did not agree with him and he got a SUPER SORE butt at times from the poop I guess coming into contact with his butt. His cheeks on his butt close to his anus were so sore it even got blistery. OUCH...he would cry. That RARELY happens now but will still sometimes if he has certain things. he for example cannot drink too much apple juice as he will really have loose stools and then get a really really sore butt. Aren't you glad to know all th is??

SO...we are to avoid powder that has cornstarch as that can actually make a fungus worse she said. He is to use this cream and hydrocortisone cream and hopefully he will start to get better. Now when we got home he acted like it was starting to get sore. It was pretty red again too. SO I am sure it is. He keeps wanting someone to pick him up and carry him. I told Keith it probably is a bit uncomfortable to walk?

Anyway...this doctor was not his normal one but we have seen her before. Noah did GREAT there. I had explained what all was going to be done in advance and he did very very well. We let him go to McDonalds afterwards because he had been so good. They have NEMO toys in their Happy Meals. Talk about CUTE!!

I tried (and so did Keith) one of their new salads. SO GOOD! We had grilled chicken cobb salads. THE BEST salad I have had in a LONG time. I was stunned because of being in a fast food place and normally their stuff is not great. I cannot really eat much McDonald food these days but this salad was good. They have 3 kinds you can get...all with chicken either grilled or crusty (fried). Anyway..I told Keith as long as they have those good salads I could eat there. I would not mind having one of those salads everyday as a matter of fact.

So...let's see. He then played for a little bit in the play area...we stopped at the store..and now we are home. Looks like another thunderstorm is moving in.

We went ahead and got Noah's approval slip to start preschool again this fall. He does not have to go back now until he turns 5 for his booster shots. He will get 3 all in his leg!! I HOPE we can prepare him for that day!!

ANd then no more shots until he is like 10 I think unless something comes up. We have been super blessed he has been super healthy and has not really required anything! He never really ever even had a diaper rash. Sol this entire day was odd...him waking up saying he had a boo boo in his underwear....and then seeing his penis/pubic area with a ring around it....just seemed weird to one day be there. You would think I would have seen signs of it before it just showed up.

Well....I am pretty much completely caught up here on work. WHAT A RELIEF> HOPE it stays that way. I am planning on taking some days off next week for vacation. We are probably just going to do some local things and hang around home. We may do some painting in the house too. Not sure.

I have bills to pay this weekend. I sent grandma a letter today. Got these great new labels.....several different kinds...so neat. They make you want to write to someone or mail out something to USE them.

Let's see....want to go back to Safeway. They are selling these Candle-Lite candles...we picked up a Caramel creme to try. Talk about smelling wonderful!!!!!!!!!!!! They have more scents so I want to go and check them out. They also have a web site. I love Village Candles too and Old Virginia and Yankee candles are nice.

We may do Cracker Barrel for breakfast tomorrow morning. Fridays though can sometimes be busy. We will see. I am trying to not eat out too much and BLOW money by doing that.

Well...when I think of more I will write more down later.


Monday, June 09, 2003

WHOOPEEE!! Noah actually POOPED in the potty today! A BIG step for him. He was told yesterday he could not play on the computer anymore unless he started to pee in the potty. I figured we would start there as pooping they say comes later. SO...yesterday he was very upset and did not actually pee in the potty. He did try several times but no luck. I gave him praise for trying but did NOT let him play on the computer This was very hard for me as he looked so pathetic yesterday. BUT...this morning he got up...we went into the bathroom...and he sat down and POOPED right in the potty. I was so happy for him and he was excited about it! SO...he is now playing on his computer and so happy! ME TOO. Hope he can keep up the good work.

Friday, June 06, 2003

I had to write and tell you all that the LIVELIEST I have seen Keith recently was the other night. I NEVER normally do something this dumb...BUT...I was super gluing something...at the kitchen table. I could not get the lid unscrewed so he was standing there and I stuck the super glue container in my mouth to hold still as I unscrewed the cap. The LOOK of HOPE and anticipation of results in his face and eyes was amazing. I KNOW he was HOPING I would glue my mouth shut. I caught his LOOK in the corner of my eye and I looked dead at him. We both got to laughing as he looked like a kid caught with his hands in the cookie jar. He was SUPER alert and like I said...HOPEFUL....like the vulture waiting to move in for the feed!

It was actually pretty funny but also something like I said I would normally never do. I mean I don't want to end up on Oprah....hahahahaha

AAAAAGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH> Well....time marches on. They upgraded my computer at work to Windows XP and of course a lot of things NOW DON'T work. OH WELL....guess they will have to get them working huh!!!!!!!!!!!! Makes it hard to do my work though. AND some files may be lost forever. Not sure about that. I now type for 10 attendings and like a least 11 attendings and 5 nurses ALL BY MYSELF. I never realized how MUCH I did before I actually sat down and checked it out. Anyway...MORE clinics are being added to my schedule beginning in July. Sounds like I will be busy. That is good....but I think I am also underpaid..haha.

Getting older. I guess I never really thought about how easily that has the potential for being depressing. Seems society is so screwed up with how we can or canno take care of older loved ones. Nursing homes are a joke. Medicaid is a nightmare. EVERYTHING needs revamped. How in the world can anyone afford to even live on their own when they get older if they need nursing care? I guess you have to be rich. I guess I better start now getting there!!

Debbie has been working her butt off trying to get things worked out for grandpa. What a mess that has all been. I am glad she is there to do it though. SOMEONE needs to do it and help grandma out. Sounds like grandpa might be coming home and have in-home nursing care. I think that might end up being the best way to go .....may be cheaper and grandma would not worry so much. Grandpa I am SURE would be happier and would actually be taken care of and fed/exercised. It all makes my head spin thinking about what a mess things are and how expensive things are these days. AND if you even had the money who in their right mind would ever WANT to end up in a nursing home? I would opt for private in-home nursing care or something like that. Assisted living I guess COULD be okay. AAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH.

We are all doing pretty well here. I am going to be trying some natural whole food products and supplements to help with my digestive problems and weight. Looking forward to that.

Noah is doing great. I need to get him involved in more activities this summer. Keith took his dad to a Rockie's game yesterday. Sounds like they had a great time. We have actually had cooler temps and some rain recently. We really need it so that is great.

We had neighbors across the parking lot move in over the weekend. I noticed she was taping FOIL into their one bedroom windows yesterday which is a BIG NO NO here. So I calle HOA. They are going to send them a letter. AND also a letter about their gas grill. We still have many here with grills on their balconies and patios even though Westminster has adopted a new city code that prohibits those now from multiple housing dwellings. SO...I called HOA about that. Not much they can do except send warning letters they said. I called the Fire Administration. They said HOA IS responsible but they can do something if they CATCH the person actually cooking out. The fire prevention guy is going to get me a phone number to call about that. Meanwhile I guess I will have to send HOA a letter with addresses of those in my building who continue to have grills that pose as a fire hazard to us in the same building. Brother.

House still looks nice..but i will need to do laundry and clean today. I then have some paperwork to tackle this weekend. I will probably have to go to my next staff meeting at work. That day is also an employee appreciation day of some kind so I get to go pick up a free blanket...etc.

Keith's boss asked him if he would be interested in transferring to UTAH asa supervisor. If we were just married or something perhaps. However...it that would be even farther away from ANY family members then. I was not thrilled and Keith said he has been there before and he did not think he would want to be there either. SO....that is not even something he is going to consider Weird though.

OKAY...let me ponder on how to get rich..........haha

Monday, June 02, 2003

I think Keith purposefully went today to get the car checked...to avoid his birthday. He is turning 49 today you know. He has been acting more weird than usual. I swear he does not use his head and THINK most times about anything...or use any common sense. And he cannot retain anything you tell him. He sleeps constantly...I mean 99.9% of the time when he is home he is in a reclining position with his eyes shut. He even tries playing with Noah in that position. Now tell me how can you be interactive with a child laying down? Course he denies it. But check out the pictures I have taken of him recently. ALMOST ALL show him laying down and I DID NOT plan that on purpose. That is just the position I always find him in. He has no energy or so it seems. I question that as I think sometimes he puts that on a bit. He acts like he cannot use his right hand much at all. He drags his feet along when he walks......the only time he acts somewhat chipper is when he is going to work or doing something he wants to do.....he says he does not feel tired at 10:30 at night....I said of course not. You can be yourself then as Noah and I are in bed. I told him it seemed he was trying to avoid being around us and he is like a walking ZOMBIE ...a mere shell of himself.....going through the motions. Course he denied anything being related to me...he said it was him. I asked what that meant and of course he had no explanation. He believes nothing physically is wrong..and that wanting to sleep all the time is NORMAL for someone his age. I said WRONG> I told him people at nursing homes were probably more active than him. He will only get moving if I suggest doing something. Like Friday watching Finding Nemo he was fine. He did not act tired...walked with some spunk and got around fine. I think it is great if he feels super relaxed at home...but the second you walk in the door you head to the bed to sleep? I don't know if he is just avoiding LIFE with us or me or if he really is tired and that is a physical problem or what. I told him he needs to make an appointment to the doctor because sleeping all the time is not normal. I know he has obstructive sleep apnea and needs to get that treated but of course he probably would never do the recommended treatment anyway. BUT...he said he has always been this way and I told him he has not. Only the last couple of years he has been this way. I told him he acts like he is totally miserable 99.9% of the time. I asked if he was happy or enjoyed his life. He said yes. I said no one would ever know it by looking at you. Meanwhile he is what Dr. Phil calls a "sabatouer (sp?). He whether he agrees on this or not...he DOES mess things up when doing things just so you or someone else will end up doing it instead. He will stand there after doing something wrong...or breaking something...with a half grin on his face....and YOU KNOW he has done it on purpose and has achieved the desired results...which is basically doing it all yourself. I am getting kind of tired I told him of not having a PARTNER to SHARE with all the responsibilities and every day living. I am not talking about sex here either. I just mean every day stuff and crap. He is like here but mentally somewhere else all the time. SO....it has been a real joy lately. Like trying to pull teeth out of him when you try to get any information from him too. He denied a girlfriend or wanting one of course. I would hope he has learned his lessons there. He just seems miserable. I know his new AGE is bothering him.....49 years...and he only thinks of what he has NOT done with his life. I ask him what he wants to do and of course he cannot think of anything. he has no hobbies...which I find super odd too. Nothing he enjoys doing when he is off work...he will read.....but most of the time he sleeps....eats.....watches television with his eyes shut and snoring. He will occasionally play with Noah....but acts like everything is such a huge chore. He almost always thinks mainly of himself too even though he would also deny that.

So...part of me wants to say SCREW his birthday. He obviously does not want to celebrate it so heck with it. Part of me then thinks perhaps he needs a party as I doubt anyone has ever given him one. SO who knows.

This has been my life for awhile now..fun huh? hahahahahahahahaha

Sunday, June 01, 2003

WHEW...not any entries in awhile. LeighAnn's graduation went well. We had her over on Monday to celebrate. That was nice. She brought along a friend named Ben. Keith's dad also came. We had ice cream cake. The house is still looking great as we are really in the habit of putting things back in their places since we don't have HUGE spaces. I HIGHLY doubt I will remember all I was going to originally enter in this journal for the past week or so. We met Kelley and Isaak and Erik at the park on Tuesday so Noah and Isaak could play and we could give Isaak his belated birthday present. It was super hot but the wind finally kicked in. That made it better. Noah really gets red in the face like I used to and still sometimes do. He got super hot.in fact I worry about him in the heat as he does not do well. Neither do I and we normally try to go outside to do things early in the mornings during the summer. Anyway.....we finally got home.

Went out to eat a few times this week. Keith's birthday is coming up. His employer gave him 2 tickets to see the Rockies..nice seats too. Right behind the batter's box. He will go with his dad and they even gave him that day off and PAID. Pretty nice huh? He got a t-shirt from someone else at work and his employer also gave him movie tickets to use sometime this year. WOW....

We all went to see Finding Nemo Friday. It is a great movie. We will definitely buy it once it comes out on DVD. We may go back to see it again but I kind of doubt Noah would sit through it twice at the theaters. There were some previews of some good movies coming up in the fall and winter.

I just put a roast and vegetables in the crock pot. I fried some chicken yesterday which is rare and also made some potato salad and baked beans for our lunch. We all had rootbeer out of rootbeer mugs. Noah got a BIG kick out of that since I have a mini one Becky gave to me one time that he drank his out of. We ordered pizza for supper.

Today not sure what I will do for lunch since we have a big supper cooking. Something light. I need to finish up some more work and then do WHATEVER I want

I am thinking about taking some vacation time and even cashing in some time. I am at 300 hours and we can only accumulate 344 hours before I then cannot accumulate anymore..which means I would not be receiving any PTO. So...I will probably start taking some days off here and there. I could really use a break. Would love to surprise Melissa for her 30th birthday but we really don't have the extra money to make that trip. SO...we will probably hold off. Not sure. I know Keith is off the week before her birthday. She works during the daytime now...so we would not even see her that much anyway.

Well...today is overcast but super muggy outside. Only 70 degrees but feels a lot warmer. The Custer reunion is today. Chris flew in from Florida to go to mom and dads and the reunion. He goes back to Florida tomorrow I guess. I imagine they are having a nice visit. Hopefully they will send me some pictures.

Sounds like grandpa is in a really crappy nursing home.

More another time


Monday, May 26, 2003

Well..I got SO MUCH accomplished yesterday I am still amazed! Finished hanging everything that needed hanging up....as far as home decor goes. Also hung my flag bunting out on the balcony railing. Looks nice..it is old fashioned so the white stripe in between the red ones is actually an off white color....I may have to get the REAL red, white and blue...not sure. I like this but then again it kind of looks OLD..hahaha. Like I had it for a long time and it faded. BUT that is the way it is supposed to look.

Got the house all cleaned up and even the bedroom and our closet organized as far as I could. UNBELIEVABLE considering I have been needing to even START that for a long time now. The dust was unbelievable in our bedroom. I told Keith it was amazing anyone could breathe at night. SO MUCH nicer and better and organized now. looks nice.

Stayed up till 11:30 working on things. My back now feels like it is broken. BUT>>>I feel better and good about all I accomplished. I can see next week where I could actually COMPLETE the rest of my work...and then be ready for PAINTING the house!

Still more work to do. Gotta go.


Sunday, May 25, 2003

Just got back from running to the store. Got a few groceries...actually did pretty well. Got lots of extra soda and toilet paper and things I would not normally get. STILL only spent about 50.00 Anyway...today is the Indy 500. Keith just turned it on. I put some ribs in the crockpot to BBQ. That will be good tonight. We have to finish cleaning the front of the house today and hang the rest of our home decor. Tomorrow Keith is taking LeighAnn out for a celebratory graduation lunch..then they will come back and his dad and his wife will probably come over for a visit and to celebrate her graduation. We are only going to have a few decorations and then some pie/coffee..or tea/soda.Keith think is going to give her some money. She is the FIRST child of his who has successfully actually graduated with their class so that is great. His oldest daughter, Kelley, did not graduate with her class but she completed her required courses in the summer and then got her diploma. Dale, his oldest son, never did graduate. He waited till later and got a GED.

Been kind of overcast and muggy recently. Actually a nice change of pace. I want to hang my flag buntings on the balcony railings today. Should have had them up on Friday. I also have some other flag stuff I may put out. Not sure. I even have some LIGHTS...could put some inside too. FLAGS and STARS.

Anyway..want to finish cleaning and then this week I can start working in our bedrooms and going through those to clean and organize including our closets. That will be a process.

Still working some this weekend..trying to tie up loose ends for work. Guess that is about it. Have a couple of movies to watch and I have been able to actually get some decent sleep this weekend so far.

Dad sent me some old oil paintings he had in the attic. I will probably restretch and hang a couple. I felt if he was going to throw the away I would like to have them. I don't really have anything or much if anything he has ever done artwise here at home. I guess he wants to send Noah a woodcarving he has done.

Melissa sent me recent pictures of Audrey. She sure is growing up fast. Noah is out of school now for the summer. Hard to believe. He sure is starting to talk more and he is such a considerate/helpful little boy. He LOVES to help and will bring you things HE thinks you might need without you even asking for them. AMAZING for a boy...and I hope he keeps it up as he grows into a man. Those kind are RARE these days!! hahaha.

I guess Becky and Margaret were over at Melissa's house Saturday. Sounds like they were offering advice that she really did not even ask for. Out of all of us kids in the family it seems people tend to still want to offer her or myself advice more than anyone else. Not sure why that is. I always thought for many years because I had attempted suicide years ago that maybe made everyone worry about me more. I would think 22 years later I would have finally proven to them all I am STABLE..haha. Oh well. I imagine it is hard to let your kids or brother/sister live their own life and perhaps even make mistakes on their own sometimes to learn things. You want to protect them. BUT...it does come down to where everyone MUST live their own life as they see fit and make their own decisions regardless of what anyone else thinks. That is just life. We can only hope to have a positive influence on other lives. I guess it can be hard to accept and I pray I can do that for Noah. I HOPE he listens to good advice I may offer him if he asks me for it..and I hope I can teach him to have and USE common sense and make good decisions. BUT...eventually he will have to learn to make his own choices and decisions...I just pray they are good and sound ones and he can avoid a lot of crap many of us have gone through in our lives finding things out the HARD way. Anyway...enough of that. Melissa is still very young. She will only be 30 this year....and she will still be prone sometimes to making quick decisions she might later regret. BUT....I THINK with all the crap she has gone through recently she is much much more hesitant now to do that...and she has a more sound head on her shoulders than apparently many might believe. I could go on and on forever but what's the point.

So.....I hope grandma is doing okay and grandpa too. I guess Sherry and her boyfriend are there this weekend. FUN for poor grandma. Hopefully they will pick up after themselves more and wash their own towels and clothes so grandma does not have to do it.

Well..I guess I better get some more work done. Once the race is over we will probably work more in the house. SO I need to finish this up on this end before starting a new project.

More another time GOD willing. Am kind of excited about getting things in place and organized as then I can go get some PAINT and paint different rooms in the house I want to paint.


Monday, May 19, 2003

I wonder if anyone reading this journal finds it boring?? hahahaha. Probably so. Oh well. I don't fill it with a bunch of things likely to stir up conversations I guess.

Sat outside last night on the balcony and watched a storm move in. Was wonderful enjoying the wind and smells. Noah came out with me. It finally got chilly so we grabbed a blanket.We stayed out a little longer. Heard some thunder and saw some lightening but got no rain. The winds did pick up.

Another week starting today and as usual I am tired. What's new....brother. Guess I will have to get a new mask and start wearing my CPAP at night again. Maybe that will help. WISH I could DESIGN a new mask...the ones they have out on the market leave a lot to be desired.

Should go to a staff meeting today but I am not going to. Someday I may be required to go to them and I am not sure what I will do then. Noah will be going to school on Mondays next year which is the day of our staff meetings so I won't be able to get down there for the meeting....I would think since I also work nights that would not be a problem. I mean they do minutes and I get a copy and always read them. The meetings are actually pretty much a waste of time and I don't see where they should be necessary or required to attend in person as long as you can read the minute. If Juanita tries forcing me to come next year I may have to go above her and work around that. Especially since Monday if Noah is going to school...I would have no way to get down there and back in time to pick him up with 1 car. ALSO....if he is not in school...that is a rare time if I want to sleep I can as Keith would still be home. I would like to know WHEN work expects me to sleep? This staff meeting starts so late...10:30 a.m. Usually lasts at least an hour or hour and half. TOO long....Keith has to leave for work soon after that....so I am sure since this bugs me I will find some way to get out of it.I already told Juanita I would have problems attending more than the few in the summer......and then whenever there might be a holiday on a Monday or Noah was not in school. May not be the "required" amount of meetings to attend.....but that would be the best I could ever do.

AAAAAAGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH. Not even going to waste anymore time thinking about that.

Watched the Harry Potter Chamber of Secrets movie yesterday. It was okay. LONG MOVIE...I think the second Lord of the Rings will be better. Both Harry Potter movies kind of disappointed me.

Finding Nemo comes out soon. Will be so much fun to go see that one!!

Debbie called me last night. Grandpa sounds pretty bad. Cannot walk now. Grandma does not understand why not. Debbie wonders if he had a stroke. Grandma is supposed to call Home Health and have them come out on Monday if he is no better. I am sure if he cannot walk they are going to tell her he has to go to a nursing home. NO ONE wants to go there or end up there or send someone there. Society sure does not make it easy though for older people....everything is so expensive too. Course....I guess that is where "PLANNING" comes in.....we are supposed to plan our lives out somewhat more for later years I guess than we do. I guess no one wants to think about that. I know I don't like to either. It can be depressing. I just pray we can all just get older but remain intact to be able to live on our own and in our own houses. AND take care of ourselves...things like that.

Enough of that......I need to get back to work.

Sunday, May 18, 2003

MEATLOAF dinner was excellent yesterday!! I have to admit...it was one of the BEST meals I have ever made Easter dinner was nice too..so that makes at least TWO really really good tasting meals to me that I have made recently!! Most times when I cook myself things just don't always taste that great.

It got warm yesterday...well..hot actually. Could not believe it. We watched Shallow Hal last night..it was pretty good and funny. A lot better than I thought it was going to be. Today we will probably watch Harry Potter's Chamber of Secrets and Road to Perdition. I guess this means I get NOT MUCH else done huh? hhah.

Everyone else is still sleeping. LeighAnn actually graduates next Saturday. AMAZING..she will be the FIRST child of Keith's from his prior marriage that actually physically graduated. He has a strange family. Seems none of them are too interested in each other or what the other is doing etc. His sister is having 2 total knee replacement surgeries performed on Monday and she had not even bothered to tell anyone. I only found out because we had invited her to a get together to celebrate LeighAnn graduating and then she told me. I am sure her dad also did not know. His kids are aloof. I don't like how they behave most times. LeighAnn is the only one who seems to care about much of anything. Dale is too wrapped up in his own life and girlfriend. Kelley is pretty busy with her new baby and her life. I don't think they go visiting each other or things like that. Just like with Keith...we only see his sister maybe once per year and his dad a few times per year. Shoot we don't see his kids except for LeighAnn very often. Is odd to me as I did not grow up that way. I worry about Noah. I want him to be around get togethers and stuff more often than he is...but like WITH WHO?????? hahahaa. Oh well. We try to stay pretty busy doing things and going places and that makes up for it a little bit I guess.

Noah has one more week of school and then what. ....Have to think about that.

Watered my flowers outside last night. They sure were thirsty. I would have been too if I had been hanging all day in the sun and heat.

Not sure what I will make for today's dinner. I am thinking fried chicken wings and potato salad. I RARELY make ANYTHING fried. As a matter of fact...except for chicken wings or an occasional hamburger..that is ALL I fry anymore. BUT..that along with baked bean may be good for lunch today. Maybe we can do a picnic. That would be nice too. Keith wants to get some pictures of LeighAnn with her cap and gown. Trying to figure out WHEN we can do that.

OH BROTHER..I STILL need to get my Easter stuff down. Maybe I can do that today while watching a movie. Not much up so it should not take too long to take down and put away.

I ordered some tart burners yesterday and today. They can really smell up a room nice and quicker most times than a candle can. I love my candles but the tart warmers are great too...so I wanted to get some for each season and a couple extra for more rooms. My FAVORITE brand of candles now has to be VILLAGE CANDLES!!! Talk about an amazing smell. WOW..they are the best and burn the nicest.

Just got a email from Angela with a BIRTHDAY list idea on it. Weird. I never asked her for an idea of what she wanted for her birthday. Seems sometimes that is the only time you hear from her these days...when she wants something. I know that sounds terrible...but it seems to be true SOMETIMES anyway. I never heard thanks for the money I gave to Alex for Easter or the little thing I sent to her..not that I expected to.....but I thought she might at least mention it. And then she wonders why no one will send her special things or get her special presents. WHY? She usually does not like what you sent or will take it back if she can. I was planning on only getting her a gift certificate to Pier One Imports this year and a card for her birthday. I guess she wants this cookbook instead. I guess I will get that for her instead.

This weekend is Old Fashioned Days in Arcanum. The Custer Reunion is coming up. Amazing how fast time flies. We will be here 1 year already in another month.

Well.. have more work to do. Better sign off for now.


Saturday, May 17, 2003

WOW..this is like summer. Already 80 degrees outside and the AC on in here! So thankful to have the AC that is for sure. Probably should be outside enjoying some of this nice weather. Just got done working and will now start lunch. Going to make a nice one today...meatloaf...hot rolls....potatoes..veggies...and gingerbread with whipped cream for dessert. Not mch else is happening. Keith just popped his head around the corner..>NOSEY as usual I guess. I have NEVER in my life known anyone as nosey as he can be. THE ONLY place I ever get any PRIVATE time these days is in the bathroom and then ONLY if I lock the door..hahaha. OH WELL.

Noah only has 1 more week left in school. I would like to try to find a class or something for him to take this summer maybe.....to try to keep him in the SCHOOL MODE.

Lots of paperwork to do this weekend. Movies to watch. After dinner we will probably head over to the library or I will let Keith go over...to pick up more movies on reserve. I will try to stay up again tonight to watch some. I finished Secrets of the Ya Ya Sisterhood last night. It ended up being pretty good after all. Have Shallow Hal to watch...Artificial Intelligence...Harry Potter Chamber of Secrets....Road to Perdition and another movie I cannot remember the name of. Good thing these are for 7 days and I can renew some.

Not much else happening here. Need to clean. Need to get some bird feeders to put outside. Have had a couple of colorful and beautiful sounding wrens flying up checking out my hanging pots for nesting I guess. I would love to have them around more as they sound so pretty. So...I am going to put out a couple of bird houses. I have not fed nor seen any squirrels around here now for several days. I am SURE they are still around..but they have not been coming around here.

Okay..I better get to it. Already 11:15 and time is ticking.

More another time.


Wednesday, May 14, 2003

Noah had a really bad day at shool yesterday. The teachers all said he acted tired and that he kept saying he was "sleepy". He will say that too however whenever he does not want to do something. BUT..he came out crying...cried all the way home....cried at home for like 30-45 minutes...not sure what was wrong. Finally got him calmed down. He did say he got in trouble at school for PUSHING ERIN his love/hate girlfriend relationship he has at school. I asked if she pushed him and he said yes. They do that. Push and shove each other and then hug and kiss each other at other times. BUT...I asked what the teachers told him...he said they said "don't push!". He said he pushed her 2 times. HE also jumped into a puddle outside it looked like as his pants were all wet at the bottoms and his socks. So he was extremely frustrated...maybe because he knew he had done something wrong and got into trouble for it..not sure. BUT...he wanted to go to a park and play. AFTER he calmed down we went to Arbys...and then took him to the park down by us for about 20 minutes or so to play. I thought he has looked funny for about 4-5 days now...like he did not feel well or was fighting off something or just tired too. SO.....I made him go to bed early last night. BUT.he tossed and turned. His breath smells like sinus and he has had a hard time breathing through his nose so he could be fighting off some viral thing again. I know Keith and I got it twice...and now my sinuses have started bothering me again and now my throat is sore.

Warm yesterday..almost 80 degrees. SO THANKFUL TO GOD we have air conditioning now. Saw a beautiful FULL MOON this morning..it was HUGE.....right on top of the mountains...looked like one of those big harvest moons. Wanted to run home and take a picture but it was gone by the time I made it home. Oh well.

We cleaned off the balcony yesterday and got it all ready for summer. Hung our windchimes that needed hanging and put up some decor...also hung our 2 big flowering pots....it looks super nice out there now. One squirrel keeps coming up though...he is too tame. I am afraid someone will get bit. I am going to have to quit feeding them altogether or just down on the grass below. Trying to get this stubborn little one to eat down there is hard. He won't. SO...we will see. He is so tame he will come up and climb on the screen door too which I don't like. It is my fault. I put nuts out for them during the winter when the snow was on the grass...etc. So...we can only be on the balcony during times they are not around or we chase them off. There is another squirrel too that comes around but he has enough sense to stay away from the balcony when we are up there. OH..had some small birds checking out our hanging pots for nesting I am sure.....it was cute. BUT....I told Keith I should hang a small birdhouse up there as I am sure they would use it. SO I may check for one next time we get out.

Not much else new. Already 53 to 57 degrees this morning. Just made some coffee....super good!!! Got some movies to watch from the library. The new TV is nice and now we can use the new DVD player I had gotten for Keith for Christmas which is also nice.

I better get back to work. Not much to do and I would like to actually get it done. I have paperwork and other things to do today during the day if I can...but I also want to make time to actually PLAY with Noah.

me again

Monday, May 12, 2003

Well...Mother's Day was nice...nice and quiet. I ended up working most of the day because I slept in Saturday night instead of working. BUT....we then watched "A Beautiful Mind" which was very good. Keith got us Chinese for lunch..also good. I read a bit....and that was about it. EXCITING HUH? haha. Oh well.

I guess TRANSCRIPTIONIST week is coming up. Funny how little I get recognized for the work I do in my department. NO..this is not a POOR ME thing. BUT..there was an entire article in the Children's Hospital's newspaper about the transcriptionists in Medical Records. I work in my own department....but....rarely does something get mentioned about me or the work I do. I don't think anyone really has a clue how MUCH work I do except for perhaps Juanita....and then I think she kind of forgets about it till I go on vacation and someone else has to try to do my work load. They usually have to get 4 or 5 people to do MY JOB. HUM....what does that say? Oh well..I DO NOT DO ANYTHING to get recognition so I guess I should not be complaining..or maybe I DO WANT recognition for the work I am doing. I will have to think about that. Juanita did give me a collection of foot lotions and stuff to thank me for what I do every day. I guess that is something.

Sounds like I am a whiner today. Great.

Keith ordered a new tv...to be delivered today from Circuit City..they are also supposed to hook up all our gadgets to it as well. SO....his DVD player can finally be hooked up. Will be nice to be able to test that out and start getting DVDs to play or play my other CDs on it.

Tree branches all over the place last night on my way to work and this morning. ONe HUGE tree was completely uprooted. Not sure what happened. I know a tornado was in the area last week...maybe the winds picked up.

Well....I need to make a pot of coffee. Already thinking about what I need to make for lunch. Will have to be something quick and easy today.

More another time.

Sunday, May 11, 2003

Most of the snow has already melted. Lots of sunshine yesterday afternoon. Seemed I spent most of my day in the kitchen. Made a coffee cake for breakfast...tried to get some work done on the computer.....Got Noah ready for the day......Keith went to the store....put the stuff away he brougth back...made hamburgers and french fries for lunch....usually don't make 3 meals...but already had ribs in the crockpot for supper. By the time I got the stuff cleaned up from lunch and made Noah some cookies....it was like 4:00 p.m. Started supper around 6:00 but we only had ribs and a salad. It was all really good though. Some choc. pudding for dessert.

Had a weird dream this morning. I was at some event with all these other people....cannot remember now who they all were....but it seems people I used to work with....etc. Got some award or something along with everyone else there...and then it switches to me, Mom and Grandma. We were all together doing something...and at the end it was like we had gone to a beach swimming or something..and then had to change back into our clothes to go home....and we were all talking about our legs needing shaving...my leg hair in the dream was like 3 inches LONG..hahahaha....I told them I could BRAID it.....they laughed...we got dressed and left. I woke up. ODD....weird...not sure what any of that might mean....I guess nothing..hahahaaha.

Noah was so NOT listening last night because he was tired. Trying to get him to GIVE in to going to sleep when he is that tired is never easy. Finally got him to bed around 8:30 but he still fought it. I finally got tired. I had planned on getting up to watch a movie...never made it back up. I slept...Keith came in to bed around midnight or so..my back was hurting so I came out here..should have stayed up and worked then...but I decided to sleep out here on the sofa for a bit. Now am getting up but now am tired. Feel worse than I did before. OH WELL....

AND SO MOTHER'S DAY begins...hahaha. I really would only like a nice quiet day I think. I don't feel like going out anywhere....especially today as everyplace would be swamped with people. Says it is 24 degrees here now. I may light a fire in the fireplace soon.


Saturday, May 10, 2003

Here it is May 10th...and it is SNOWING outside. We had some nice rain showers all day long yesterday which we really needed..then as forecasted the rain changed over to snow. When Noah and I went to bed it was lightening and thundering outside but SNOWING instead of raining. Very odd...but I have seen and heard that here in Colorado before. Snow storms in MAY is NOT uncommon out here either...just weird. Anyway...we are under a winter storm warning. May end up with 6 to 12 inches. Looks like there is at least 4 inches out there or more already!!

Had a productive day. My back felt better as the kidney stone moved down closer to passing it out...so I did all the laundry. Swept the floors....cleaned the bathrooms and picked up a bit. Now today I would like to clean our bedroom and closet if I can get around to doing that. I am still finishing up spring cleaning and stuff.

Noah sure does like to take care of you and help out where it is needed. YOU DON'T ever hardly even have to ask him to do anything...he THANKFULLY has a built in sense and can see when something either needs done or someone needs something and he DOES IT. He will grow up to be a DREAM MAN for sure if he can keep that going on!!! For example....if he hears you having the hiccups...he will say "you need a drink of water mommy" and he will run and go get me his water cup so I can take a drink. Last night he had no water cup handy but he had a cup of milk so he looked at it and said I could have a drink of milk instead. I made some popcorn the other night. He won't eat any but we had on a movie and I popped me some. I sometimes drop in a few M&Ms in the bag and I guess he has seen me do that. He saw me bring in the popcorn and looked inside the bag and said "you need a little candy" and ran to get me some M&Ms to dump in the bag. I had not put any candy in the bag because A...I did not have any and B...I don't really need any as the popcorn was enough. He found some M&MS HE had and brought them to me and dumped them in my popcorn bag. Was cute. He is good about doing things like that all the time. When I clean he gets up and helps me clean. He will help put things away or into the dishwasher...helps me put clothes in the washer.......clean the bathroom...etc. He is amazing for 4 YEARS OLD...hahahh. I know of men 40 PLUS who don't behave that way. SO...hopefully I can raise him up right and he will know how to cook and clean and manage money and do things on his own and be able someday (IF we are all still around in the world-GOD WILLING) to handle a relationship as he will already know how to do things on his own and not expect someone else to do them for him.

Not sure what I will WHIP up for breakfast today. Right now I am actually not even hungry. I AM going to go make a pot of coffee though. Just opened a new can of coffee so it should taste and smell really good!!

Got a great pitcher at Target the other day. Looks like glass but it is actually plastic. Loos RETRO like something from the 50s....almost the shape of the Koolaid pitchers! Has summer stuff on the outside of an etched area around the pitcher. Very cute. MAKES ANYTHING you put inside it taste even better including water! I fill it with ice and then water and leave it out and pour me big glasses to keep sipping from. HOPING it will help me pass this one kidney stone I have been working on now for a few days. I am beginning to think it must be a larger one as they normally pass quicker than this. SO...we will see I guess when it finally comes out.

Well..I should get back to work. Lots to do on this end of things.

Me.....Wheezer Bug......Ninder....Ninder Cinder........Melinda....Mel.........mommy.........

Friday, May 09, 2003

Noah had a great day at school yesterday. He is growing up so fast Makes you wonder where time goes. It just seems to be flying past these days. Then you start to wonder what it's all about huh? hahaha. Oh well....deep subject. LOVE...I really believe it all comes down to that. Sometime though I believe we get too busy to remember to allow time to feel love for ourselves or families let alone complete strangers we might see on the street. BUT..that was a commandment to us...to love one another. Funny how we can allow little things to stand in the way of that sometimes.

Anyway...cooler here today...about 38 right now. AND..if I am reading my forecast accurately...it looks like possible SNOW tomorrow. WOW...well...that is not totally unusual for Colorado. Maybe we will be able to use the last of the firewood by having a nice fire in the fireplace.

Keith wanted to take me out to eat on Sunday to the Outback or White Fence Farm...but I would rather JUST STAY HOME and not do a whole lot. I think if I did not have to do anything much that day it would be nice....a nice break.....change of pace! Maybe I could even go back to bed and sleep in if I wanted to...WOW....don't remember the last time that happened. COURSE..then again I do not sleep much...so I probably would not even want to. So..we will see. Hopefully it will just be a quiet day though.

Would love to pay for lawnmowing services for my grandma. I cannot believe someone just doesn't show up and do it for her these days. I mean she is like 80 now...she has no business out there trying to mow it herself. I am having someone check into some prices for that now....so I will see what I can work out. HOPEFULLY something. She should not have to be out there trying to do that...especially with the way grandpa is. Too bad we could not all just reach a certain age and stay that way huh? Course I guess then we would have a population problem on our hands. Funny though..in our minds we DO stay a certain age but then when we see ourselves in the mirror we FREAK out at the person staring back at us and wonder "who the heck is that?" ahahaha.

Got the rest of our home "decor" yesterday that I had ordered. Now to HANG everything up and put it all away. Then on to the bedrooms to clean and sort and organize. Mom said dad should come out here as he is good at throwing things away! HA! I am getting pretty good at parting with things I do not use. Someone else can use them so I donate them. We have to go through Noah's toys in his room....and reorganize it...then back into our bedroom and reorganize that. I figure by the time I get my SPRING CLEANING done it will be JUNE...and then I CAN PAINT. I would like to repaint the bathroom and bedrooms....at least Noah's room. Would like to put some big murals in there for him...but if we would want to keep them I guess I would have to put it on canvas. I would like to repaint the kitchen too. I would prefer a new faucet for the sink.....and repainting the cubboards or replacing them eventually would be nice. UPGRADE! We will see. Wallpaper border in the hall and our bedroom also has to go up. I would like to paint the hallways. I filled holes when we moved in but that stuff had a dull finish and the walls are semi-gloss. SO..now I have to paint. I LIKE to paint though. WOULD LOVE to paint this front room...at least ONE wall...a nice tannish-terra cota type color. Might make the room look smaller though. OUR CEILING really needs repainted. A professional would have to do that as it is super high and that popcorn crap all over it.

Well..looks promising for rain today. NICE AND CLOUDY and overcast...something we rarely see here anytime. Kind of reminds me of what OHIO looks like..haha. Keith and Noah are still sleeping. I need to get back to work.

More later


Thursday, May 08, 2003

Well.....was going to run down to work tonight to pick up tapes but I decided to hold off till Thursday night like normal. I only have a couple of tapes here to work on but they are long ones....so I am sure they will keep me busy enough anyway. ESPECIALLY considering it is all I can do to get up and stay awake this morning. I am so tired for some reason.

Had some nice weather and a wonderful thunderstorm yesterday. RARE for here so we enjoy them anytime we get them. Anyway...Noah even loves them as much as I do. I think Keith is the only one living in our home that does NOT enjoy them. Noah and I always want to run outside and check it out and sit and look at the rain and SMELL it and feel the wind blowing on us...etc. Not Keith. He said he hates the rain. Oh well...to each his own. Anyway...it SMELLED wonderful and the wind was incredible and the rain was too. DID not last long but storms o here rarely do. So we enjoyed it while it lasted.

Noah and I were sitting together on the sofa before going to bed last night. He picked up my hand and kissed it...and hugged it to his little body and said "I love you mommy". SO sweet. If he hears me yawn he will ask me "are you tired mommy?" And I will say yes and then ask him if he is also tired and he will say "me tired too or yes.....tired too or no....not tired". I took a quick shower yesterday evening and he came in with me in the bathroom till I was done and then he got a bath. We are still working on potty training. Wish he would start peeing and POOPING more in the potty but at least it is a start. Today is a school day that he loves so I am sure he will enjoy that.

Keith and I got into it yet again yesterday. Brother.....he can be very inconsiderate, selfish and take things for granted. AFTER our discussion I HOPE and think he might actually "get it" now. Unfortunately MOST men are like that...they still expect a woman to do everything for them and everything that needs to be done all the time. OH WELL>..I am not getting started on all that crap again.

Got to mail out Mom's mother's day package today. Not like I have not had her gift a long time ago...for some reason I am just late in sending it all out. SO...it is all sitting here on the table now...just have to pack it up and take it and send it. I may send it FED EX as it would for SURE get there in time.

Otherwise nothing else much happening here. Is 40 degrees out right now...but it is only 4:00 a.m. Nice and quiet right now out here...but I am still so tired. I may head off back for a quick cat nap.

Got 4 rolls of pictures developed ...they are all pretty good. Got some excellent shots of our blizzard back in March. I am still amazed at all the snow we got.

Well..no big revelations or thoughts today...need to work.

Maybe more later.


Monday, May 05, 2003

My little Noah is such a sweetie pie! He can TWIRL jacks now!! We think this is an amazing thing for his motor skills. Keith worked with him the other and showed him how to do it. He can do it...and more amazing...equally well with BOTH hands!! He seem to be ambidexterous....so he has not really chosen a preference for either hand yet. Perhaps he will always be able to use both.

Got my hair cut today. Still looking for ME!! THAT ONE LOOK that makes me look WOW!! I am doubting I ever find it unless I go on Oprah for a makeover..ahhha. Oh well..losing weight would help as all this additional weight just makes me look older I am sure.

Almost done with both my manual for work and my important information book for home. WOW...2 more things I have put off and will be done with. Then it is time to finish the house.......and sort...paint...redo.....and work on me in the meanwhile I guess. I will actually have time to read.....or scrapbook or do whatever I want! I cannot recall the last time that was possible.

Everwood is on tonight. I enjoy that show. Looking forward to that. Better go...need to finish some work. Noah is playing on the other computer right now.....I roasted a Butterball chicken for lunch....had mashed potatoes and green beans with that and pears....also whipped up Mississippi Mud Cake...it was good but so RICH!!

Okay...off for now.. as usual I know.


Wednesday, April 30, 2003

Get this.....yesterday I had pulled the trash can out from under the bathroom sink to empty while I was doing laundry...I left it sit for a minute. I go back to get it..it had been put back under the sink FULL....I asked Keith why he did that. He said and I QUOTE " Cause I did not know what you were going to do with it". DUH>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>I could NOT BELIEVE this comment. Did he honestly NOT know what I was going to do with it? HUM.....let me see...the options would be?????? I guess he has to be INSTRUCTED it needed emptying rather than observing the fact that it was overflowing and could be emptied. I have NO idea what he thought I had planned on doing with it. I assume the possibility of actually EMPTYING never even entered his mind....or he perhaps would have considered doing it himself. AND...if he did not know what I had PLANNED for the trash...why could he not open his mouth and ASK me what I was going to do with it?? THESE are typical things he does that can really GET ME TICKED!! I swear he acts sometimes (MOST TIMES) like he has no common sense at all and if he does..he rarely uses it.

Monday, April 28, 2003

Well...just found out a son of my former supervisor passed away suddenly in his sleep Friday night. He was 33 years old. Don't know the reason yet...but really makes you realize NONE of us know how long we have on this earth do we? I have recently been thinking a lot about living and life and passing on...etc. We would LOVE to have the assurance of living forever and being here for our families and friends. BEING HERE may be the issue as we don't really have all the control over that we would like. There is no guarantees huh? Even if you are the healthiest you can be and exercise every day and do all the so-called RIGHT things...you could end up like Eric who died in his sleep and could be from natural causes. Weird.....I believe as Christians and believers we live forever. I know once we have families we wish and want to live forever here on this earth. I guess as I am getting older and see those around me getting older and talking about passing on or passing on...it makes you wonder about life and what you are doing with your life and what you need to do with your life. Does everyone have something to look forward to in their lives every day? For years to come? I know of many who don't have anything to look forward to now. Makes me wonder will I or my family all have anything to look forward to in time? and over time? Will Noah? I believe so....but like with my grandpa...grandma said he sometimes just wishes he were dead or would die. I know my great grandma used to wish that to. Did their life get so miserable or unhappy that they honestly wished that? Where does things change? I know some are in bad health and could be suffering....I guess part of me understands why someone like that might wish they would die. They probably get so tired of hurting or being in pain....that it over takes every thought and action on their part. But what about just getting older.....basically being okay but just getting older. Aren't we supposed to look forward to that somewhat? Seems most I know don't look forward to it much at all. I know I catch myself sometimes wishing time would stand still in certain areas of my life....hahhaa..but keep moving on in others. I wish and pray my family and friends and myself to be here forever.....anyway...can be a bit depressing. Makes you want to certainly live your life to the fullest now though.....so guess that is a lesson to be gained from this sad sad story.

Alright..take a breath............
I meant that to read HE had slept in too. I was already up and working out here..on weekends I let KEITH sleep in till whenever he gets up.....working and taking care of Noah at the same time.....so it was HIM who slept in..not me or we.
SO......Keith makes a comment to me yesterday that kind of ticked me off. He was yawning...and I said "I don't want to see that"...and he proceeded to tell me "I've done about as much as you have today". I looked at him like what??? I had been up since 2:00 a.m. working. I took a break to sleep for 2 hours in the morning BEFORE he and Noah even got up. I worked then till noon. I made breakfast..got Noah up...and dressed and ready for the day...myself...worked till noon..passed a large kidney stone and then smaller ones....made lunch after I cleaned out the fridge..did dishes....a load in the washer and by hand.....and then prepared supper in the crockpot. Meanwhile taking care of Noah with some medicine as he has had a fever for days...and sniffles. HUM....guess that did not qualify me the right to go in and sleep that afternoon for an hour....something I NEVER do.....but did yesterday. Guess he was ticked about that...who knows. Not like he did much. He go up...showered...came out and SAT and READ the Sunday paper. Enjoyed the coffee and muffins I made for breakfast.....sat some more....only got up if someone asked him for something. Waited till lunch..enjoyed that taking a break from playing on the computer.......shortly after this is when I slipped off to nap...while he worked so hard...he PLAYED on the computer some more with Noah. GEE.....what a tough life and schedule. OH...we had slept in too....did not get up till around 7:30 or 8:00. I do NOT even remember a day when I could sleep in till that time. SO.....can you not see the comparison between our days? WOW...they are almost identical huh? Brother......I told him one day I could let him see how much ALIKE (NOT) our days are..he could pretend to be me and do my schedule. Course....he then proceeded to tell me he did not mean any of it...blah...blah...blah. I would say with as QUICK as the comment came out...he meant it.....even subconsciously but he meant it. Makes me sick.

So on that note...I went to bed around 8:30 last night because I was going to go to work at the hospital last night. Keith got 2 phone calls....woke me up. THANKFULLY it did NOT wake up Noah. Then it got so stuffy in the house I had to turn the AC on for a bit..then I woke up cold at 11:15 or so and I had to turn it off as it had not kicked off on its own yet. Then Keith came into bed and woke me up with that.....and then Noah came in shortly after that.....so I came out here in the front room. Felt like I had NO sleep at all..which basically I had not yet. It was now around 12:30 a.m. SO I decided to sleep for a couple of hours and wake up and see how I felt. I slept pretty good out here...but did not feel up to working..so I decided to sleep and work today...and then go into the hospital to work tonight. I guess that will be okay. I have to clean up the office...as the file clerk took another position and is quitting..she was not the cleanest person to share an office with. So..I have to do that before I do any work anyway tonight. So tonight will be fine. Will be so nice to be able to go into work and find my office like I left it last. Nice and clean and organized. I DO HOPE AND PRAY whomever takes her place will be more clean and pick up after themselves..etc.

Well...I have to work. More later. Parent teacher conference this morning.