Saturday, January 13, 2007

thoughts of you

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My mind is wandering with thoughts of you
You are present even though you are absent
Everywhere I go I walk with you
You have become a part of my world

Even if I try I cannot escape it
The thoughts of you are always there
They begin to consume me like a raging fire
Out of control causing my heart to melt

Inner emotions I cannot explain
Begin to explode from within
Molding and reshaping each single thought
Into dewdrops within my mind

Quenching the thirst , I drink like a sponge
Savoring the long overdue rains

How can I suddenly feel so alive
Yet be dying at the same time

Copyright ©2002-2007 Melinda A. Napoletano

love of souls

Time stands still for no one
And yet all we have is time
So much has already escaped us
I dread thinking of another minute passing
Without being by your side

Our souls have finally crossed paths again
We have been apart for so very long
Yet we instantly recognized each other
And could only think of the words “I know you”

You fill my heart with such emotion
My spirit soars beside yours
I ache to have you near me
In perfect unison as one

What can I say to others to make them comprehend
Our relationship, a bond...that goes beyond understanding
Only you and I know the depths of our connection
And once our spirits can touch each other’s hands
We will finally know what heaven is all about

Copyright ©2007 Melinda A. Napoletano

quiz time - -

You scored as C.G. Jung. You are more of a spiritualist than would be immediately apparent. Some of your notions are questioned by the cynical, but deep down you know the human consciousness is more than the flesh and tissue can account for. You tend to take a scientific observationist look on matters the average person wouldn't even begin to analyze. You personally are responsible for most of the ideas that are floating around in modern psychologist's/psychic's paltry little skulls. On the down side, you tend to be associated with that asshole Freud.

C.G. Jung


Dante Alighieri


Miyamoto Musashi


Mother Teresa


Friedrich Nietzsche


Jesus Christ


Sigmund Freud


Elvis Presley


Stephen Hawking


Adolf Hitler


Steven Morrissey


O.J. Simpson


Charles Manson


Hugh Hefner


What Pseudo Historical Figure Best Suits You?
created with

My ache for you is immeasurable.
Waiting for reunion is agony to my soul

Friday, January 12, 2007

more FIVE on Friday

  1. What is one thing you always have with you? my thoughts
  2. What are two things on your night-table (or next to your bed)? phone, mace
  3. What are three things you learned in the last seven days? 1) Way too much about men having sex with horses (don't ask). 2) The Emperor Penguins can be nearly 4 feet tall and 90 pounds! I am not sure what I would think seeing a penguin BIGGER than Noah coming toward me! 3) Penguins can bounce up to 5 feet high!
  4. What are four things parents always have to tell you? whether you want to hear it or not? hum....1) He is not right for you. 2) Maybe you should go back on your medicine. 3) Be careful. 4) hopefully "I love you."
  5. What are five things you paid for in the last month? 1) Bills. 2) Food. 3) Christmas. 4) Gasoline. 5) Books and CDs.

FIVE on Friday....feel free to steal

  1. Where is your hammer, and what did you last use it for? IN my tool bag in the utility room. I last used it to hang up some paintings in my house.
  2. What is your everyday cutlery like? Pretty nice. I bought new when I moved in here last June. Nothing fancy...from K-Mart. I think Martha Stewart.
  3. What are you using for a toothbrush? I am not sure why it is asking this. Does anyone use something other than a toothbrush? I use a dollar store toothbrush
  4. How particular are you when it comes to writing implements? Not that particular, as I tend to do most of my writing by typing these days. Sure I LOVE all the goodies like wonderful papers and inks and pens and sealing wax......etc...but still tend to type nearly everything.
  5. What is the most use-specific tool you own? um.......don't think I can publicly answer this one! hahahaha :O

free association........someone says pink I think of:

1) pussy (sorry but it is right there on the edge of my tongue and no I do not mean that literally!
2) panther
3) pagoda

see......that is how my brain works..........



May I offer you a bite, to quench your soul
Some juice to fill your cup
Your delights of temptation fill me with sweetness
I swoon to the magick in your touch

Drink I say, till you can drink no more
As I pour out myself unto you
Your lips so sweet they smell like perfume
They quench the thirst in my soul

As dark turns to day I delight in you
Your sweet juices flood my mind
Like a river unleashed I drown in your waters
And rest on the banks of your arms

Copyright ©2007 Melinda A. Napoletano

here with me by dido (so hard for me to not read or want to write it as DILDO!) haahah


Here With Me
by dido

I didn't hear you leave
I wonder how am I still here
And I don't want to move a thing
It might change my memory

Oh I am what I am
I do what I want
But I can't hide

And I won't go
I won't sleep
I can't breathe
Until you're resting here with me

And I won't leave
I can't hide
I cannot be
Until you're resting here with me

I don't want to call my friends
For they might wake me from this dream
And I can't leave this bed
Risk forgetting all that's been

Oh I am what I am
I do what I want
But I can't hide

And I won't go
I won't sleep
I can't breathe
Until you're resting here with me

I won't leave
I can't hide
I cannot be
Until you're resting here

I won't go
And I won't sleep
And I can't breathe
Until you're resting here with me

And I won't leave
I can't hide
I cannot be
Until you're resting here with me

Oh I am what I am
I do what I want
But I can't hide

And I won't go
I won't sleep
And I can't breathe
Until you're resting here with me

I won't leave
I can't hide
I cannot be
Until you're resting here

And I won't go
And I won't sleep
And I can't breathe
Until you're resting here with me

I won't leave
I can't hide
I cannot be
Until you're resting here with me

has anyone seen this?

I would love to see this movie......I rarely get to go see any movies at the theater and this is one I would not take Noah to likely have to wait and see it on a DVD or something. Anyway......I have heard it is getting bad reviews.........people don't like it.....perhaps because most would not understand it? I just feel a special connection to the movie......and believe I would understand it....because I believe I could totally relate to the experiences within the movie characters....

have you ever felt like you or someone you know were "here" before?

reviewing some definitions on soulmates...a couple of definitions I have loved to read include the one by Richard Bach and Thomas Moore

I I go again on the "soulmate" theme. I just find it fascinating and never tire of reading about it. I have tons of material on the subject......and was reviewing some things today....and came across this list of simple definitions....with a couple of my favorites included. Just wanted to share. Oh...the photograph is one of my favorite fractals!
  • Reincarnation: Some believe that a soul mate is someone with whom a person has shared other life times through reincarnation.

    The soul mate could be a friend, business partner, parent, child, sibling, spouse or other family member. These soul mates can be of the same or opposite sex.

  • Other Half: Others believe, like the ancient Greek philosopher Plato, that a soul mate is a person's "other half". This concept was the basis of the movie, "The Butcher's Wife" where the idea of "split-aparts" searching for one another was explored.

    People all over the world believe that we are all searching for someone to make us whole and to share our journey of life with.

  • A dictionary definition is: One of two persons compatible with each other in disposition, point of view, or sensitivity.

Someone for whom you have a deep affinity . A person temperamentally suited to another.

  • Predestination: The movie "Still Breathing" examines the thought that people are drawn together as soul mates by destiny or fate and that being with our soul mate is something we have no control over. This idea of predestination and connection even after death between soul mates was also examined in the movie "What Dreams May Come".

  • Making Life Come to Life: Richard Bach describes soul mates as "A soulmate is someone who has the locks to fit our keys, and the keys to fit our locks. When we feel safe enough to open the locks, our truest selves step out and we can be completely and honestly who we; we can be loved for who we are and for who we're pretending to be. Each of us unveils the best part of one another. No matter what else goes wrong around us, with that one person were safe in our paradise. Our soulmate is someone who shares our deepest longings, our sense of direction. When we're two balloons, and together our direction is up, chances are we've found the right person. Our soulmate is the one who makes life come to life. "

  • Profound Connection:Thomas Moore describes a soul mate as "someone to whom we feel profoundly connected, as though the communication and communing that take place between us were not the product of intentional efforts, but rather a divine grace. This kind of relationship is so important to the soul that many have said there is nothing more precious in life."

  • Feeling at Ease With one Another: We don't believe a soul mate is the ideal or one and only person in someone's life. Our definition of soul mates is people who together want to work on making their marriage a great one. Their relationship feels like a natural fit, and although they need to work on their marriage, it is not hard to do. When soul mates first meet, there is an immediate sense of being at ease and connected.

  • General Belief: Most believe that soul mates can accept and love every part of the other's personality and that life with a soul mate is easy and natural.

has anyone read "On Truth" or "On Bullshit" by Harry Frankfurt?

"Zen and the Art of Falling in Love" -by Brenda Shoshanna Lukeman ( a book I just ordered)

We are meant to live a life of love. When we're not in love, something's the matter. Unfortunately, most of us become resigned to disappointment, loss and upset in relationships. No matter how successful we are in other aspects of our lives, most of us don't feel naturally entitled to the same success in love. "Being realistic about relationships" is considered natural as we "grow up" and give up the fantasies, foolishness and dreams of childhood. But nothing could be further from natural. The fantasies, foolishness and confused expectations we develop as we grow older are precisely what put us into a state of paralysis. We don't realize that when we are not in love, something's wrong.

Being in love is the most mature and realistic thing you can do. It energizes your life, fills you with positivity, creates generosity and makes every moment beautiful. Being in love immediately dispels the sense of purposelessness and disconnection that many grapple with. The body heals, the heart is happy.

Being in love is our natural state. The real question we should be asking is, why aren't we in love all the time? What is it that keeps this most precious inheritance away? How can we reclaim it for our own and return to the intrinsic wisdom and spontaneity we had as children, when each moment was fresh and exciting and filled with adventure?

Contrary to popular opinion, real love never hurts or wounds. Only our confused expectations can undermine our lives and lead us to negative consequences. There is a Buddhist saying: "Give up poisonous food wherever it is offered to you." Once we know what is poison and what is nourishing in our relationships, once we learn the laws of love and how to practice them, we will be able to live a life of love and build relationships that cannot fail. Zen shows how we can turn our lives around at any time.

There are two different schools of Zen training: Rinzai Zen and Soto Zen. Rinzai Zen emphasizes koan study, breaking through the barriers that keep our life force tied in knots. Soto Zen emphasizes the application of Zen to everyday life. Although training in both schools goes on in a zendo (a place where Zen meditation and other forms of practice are taught), the fruits of practice appear in our lives and relationships. Both Rinzai and Soto practice are included in this book.

Zen practice offers us an entirely different way of looking at love and relationships. In Zen practice we learn how to make friends with every aspect of ourselves and others -- nothing is rejected, nothing is left out. We return to basics and become able to distinguish between real needs and false ones. In Zen one learns to sit, to breathe, to focus, to let go, to walk with attention, to cook, to clean, to receive blows and to be prepared for intense and intimate encounters. As we do this cravings, addictions, fears and compulsions of all kinds slowly dissolve.

Zen and love are incredibly compatible. The wonderful, ancient practice of Zen is actually the practice of falling in love. When one focuses on and welcomes all that life brings, each day becomes a good day in which you are able to fall in love with all of life, to continually find wonder, kindness, friendship and playfulness.

The book is divided into three parts and each part offers new building blocks to help you prepare to love and have a deeper understanding of love itself.

Part I, "Starting Out," emphasizes the initial steps we take in Zen practice. Not only does it explain the specifics of what a Zen student learns (including how to do Zen meditation), but it also shows how these steps apply to relationships and how they help prepare an individual to know himself more fully, release control and become available to love.

Part II, "Zen in Action," describes the ways in which the focus and insight attained in meditation is then transferred to all our actions and to our everyday lives. We see how Zen principles -- such as emptying yourself, being there for others, taking new steps and dealing with blows -- are crucial building blocks in developing and maintaining loving relationships.

Part III, "Advanced Training," takes us to the top of the mountain. As training progresses the individual develops the ability to deal with moments of intense confrontation, decision, conflict and the need for endurance through difficult times. As training advances and the student gains an entirely new awareness of herself and the world around her, she finally becomes able to "meet the beloved," to experience the essence of love.

In each part readers will learn new means of dealing with the usual trouble spots in relationships, such as miscommunication, lies, betrayal, jealousy, insecurity, boredom, feelings of worthlessness, loss and disappointment. As readers look at these issues through the eyes of Zen practice, they receive life-changing perspectives, instructions and outcomes.

Although Zen practice is simple, it is not always easy. The reader is asked to suspend judgment and disbelief, to be willing to become a child once again -- to explore, play, hug, cry and feel that the world is filled with endless possibilities, which it is, once you are willing to see it that way. Zen also requires the ability to say no to all of the people, beliefs, habits and desires that can take your faith and love away. Falling in love doesn't mean being blind or entering into fantasy. It means waking up out of darkened dreams to finally see the beauty that surrounds us.

This book is not only for those who wish to experience loving relationships, but also for those who wish to be able to enjoy their lives to the fullest. It is an invitation onto this wonderful path. A little endurance is required, along with the willingness to face the shadows that will dispel as soon as we invite in the light.

POW bracelets - - do you still have one?

if you might have one with a name on it that someone is looking for. Check out the link to read the details.

I remember these. They were still popular when I was in high school. I had one. Seems everyone I knew had one. I still have mine somewhere. I think. Maybe not. I usually don't throw those things away though.

Right after 9/11 they came out with similar bracelets called the Mercy Band where you could get names made on bracelets of anyone you chose that was a victim of 9/11. You can still order those if interested at this site....though there are a couple of sites that make different styled bracelets:

my Youtubes seem to be MIA

Thursday, January 11, 2007

now I think I understand my inner struggles a bit better

I keep forgetting my heritage. Yeah......let' s see........there is the connection to Abraham Lincoln on my dad's fact that is even my dad's name in real life.........and them my mother's side....the connection to George Armstrong Custer..........yeah....related there too......and then the Native American connection no one talked about much from my father's side........uh huh

pretty much sums the MAIN issues up don't you think?

I am getting nowhere shift is over and I am not yet halfway done......crap

says it all...........

want to start posting some of my poetry....anyone know how to add separate pages or categories of posts or if we can on blogger?


The sky is gray and cold outside but the fire is warm within

My mind wanders, I think of you, and the ache begins again
I lean back and close my eyes and pretend that you are here
I feel your hands grasp my flesh and pull my body near

My pulse quickens, your breaths turn shallow, my breasts begin to swell
The all too familiar throbbing returns, where my desire for you does dwell
My heat begins to rise to the surface, just beneath the mound
When with your mouth and fingers, my pleasures you have found

The fire rages within us both, the flames lick at my lips

I cannot resist you longer so I begin to move my hips
Against you and with you, moving back and forth as one
Over and over you hear my moans, then whisper to me... “come”

We shift positions quickly, as desire continues to grow
I cling to you in ecstasy, as you rock me to and fro
Our hearts are beating faster now, our essence is divine
Our love flows out so freely, and we drink as if it’s wine

Copyright ©2007 Melinda A. Napoletano

Wednesday, January 10, 2007


I have no idea. I do know I am feeling all the above and have no idea as to "why."

I have often looked back over my life and tried to pinpoint a period in my life when I first started to notice moments of semi-depression or feeling sad without any apparent reason. When did I lose my motivation......even randomly....when did I lose my enthusiasm, when did I start to feel like everything in general was just too much effort? I think that is sad to feel that way and I cannot stand it when I do........but I started experiencing that when I was like a freshman in high school. Generally I am a happy-go-lucky sort of gal and in a pretty good mood for the most part and can try to find the positive side to most situations. I can "fool" myself into believing all is well even if it is not. I have learned to do that very well over the years.

But take today for example. Now grant it yes I am chronically sleep deprived so I am tired. That in and of itself can make one not really want to do all that much. BUT....I have noticed over the past few years an increased tendancy on my part to find ways out of doing things......or easier ways to get something done. I feel like I am most days "just skimming by" in life and that is not how I want to live. Sure I stay busy....too busy....which I know takes time away from actually enjoying your life and truly just living it. Some days I just want to sleep....which makes sense because of the sleep deprivation. Other times I just do not feel like doing much of anything! Just moving seems like an effort...and don't get me wrong. I am thankful for all I have....for being alive....for all the beauty that surrounds me every day!

When one tends to seek out ways to escape the world more than participate in it...I take that as a flare being shot up for help. I am not psychotic or anything like that....and I am nothing close to feeling like I have in the past years hopefully my family won't get in any uproar by reading this. I have just been wondering the past week or two what happened to make me feel like everything was just too tiring or exhausting before I even did it so I opt out to begin with? Sometimes even the simple things like getting dressed are huge efforts for me.....

Meanwhile time ticks on and is not waiting on my lazy butt. People are passing on, creating constant reminders of just how fleeting time really is......and the fact that we all need to make the most of what we have NOW when we can. I mean come on...what are we all waiting for? This is not a dress rehearsal as has been said. We don't get halfway through and say "well crap.....I want a do-over." I don't want to be numb and a slug .......

then again I think I become that when I have too much to deal with in my life......a way to cope and protect myself. I don't know...that to me sounds like another convenient excuse or cop out to explain off my feelings.

I seem to have lost my creativity...I sat down tonight to paint and could think of NOTHING to paint. NADA.......I am in the zone........zoned out.......a walking zombie but one that interacts on the lowest level to fool others into thinking they are really ever present.

SO my question to myself is why. WHY do I not feel like doing anything. Simple post holiday blues? Stressors in life? I have had many stressors in life before........but I remember being a highly motivated person and able to do anything I set my mind to. In fact I still can......the only problem now is I do not seem to be setting my mind to doing much of anything unless it is forced on what does that mean.......

I tend to look at life with rose-colored glasses on I suppose......Noah helps me continue to see the beauty in all things......but I tend to do that regardless....I always have.

Lately though it is as if the rose color has turned to gray. I have to admit I prefer the rose. This does not mean I am not happy....because I am. That is where things get confusing....

wolf moon

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taken on the way to see my grandmother

songbird - eva cassidy

crap I just cannot get into work lately........

this is NOT a good thing

Pillow Angel Ethics part 1 and 2...

Pillow Angel Ethics part 1

The parents of Ashley, this severely disabled girl, have approved a growth-stunting medical treatment so she will have a child's body for life. What kind of doctors would agree to intentionally shorten and sterilize a disabled six-year-old girl to make it easier for her parents to take care of her? The question has had message boards steaming for days, but the answers are in no way easy.

Dr. Daniel Gunther and Dr. Douglas Diekema, who first revealed the details of "The Ashley Case" in the Archives of Pediatric and Adolescent Medicine, think that many of their critics don't understand the nature of this case. Talk to them, and you confront every modern challenge in weighing what medicine can do, versus what it should.

The case: Ashley is a brain-damaged girl whose parents feared that as she got bigger, it would be much harder to care for her; so they set out to keep her small. Through high-dose estrogen treatment over the past two years, her growth plates were closed and her prospective height reduced by about 13 inches, to 4'5". "Ashley's smaller and lighter size," her parents write on their blog "makes it more possible to include her in the typical family life and activities that provide her with needed comfort, closeness, security and love: meal time, car trips, touch, snuggles, etc." They stress that the treatment's goal was "to improve our daughter's quality of life and not to convenience her caregivers."

But the treatment went further: doctors removed her uterus to prevent potential discomfort from menstrual cramps or pregnancy in the event of rape; and also her breast tissue, because of a family history of cancer and fibrocystic disease. Not having breasts would also make the harness straps that hold her upright more comfortable. "Ashley has no need for developed breasts since she will not breast feed," her parents argue, "and their presence would only be a source of discomfort to her."

The parents say that the decision to proceed with "The Ashley Treatment" was not a hard one for them, but the same cannot be said for the doctors. "This was something people hadn't thought about being a possibility, much less being done," says Diekema, who chairs the bioethics committee of the American Academy of Pediatrics and was brought in to consult on this case. For the ethics committee of Seattle Children's Hospital, which reviewed the proposed treatment, "it took time to get past the initial response—'wow, this is bizarre'— and think seriously about the reasons for the parents' request," says Diekema.

First they had to be sure there would be no medical harm: removing breast buds, Gunther says, is a much less invasive procedure than a mastectomy. The hormone treatment was commonly used 40 years ago on lanky teenage girls who didn't want to get any taller. "The main risk," Gunther says, "is of thrombosis or blood clot, which is a risk in anybody taking estrogen. It's hard to assess in a young child because no one this young has been treated with estrogen." There were very few reports of thrombosis among the teenage patients, he says, "So I suspect the risk is fairly low. After treatment is finished, I don't see any long-term risk, and we've eliminated the risk of uterine and breast cancer."

The ethics committee essentially did a cost-benefit analysis and concluded that the rewards outweighed the risks. Keeping Ashley smaller and more portable, the doctors argue, has medical as well as emotional benefits: more movement means better circulation, digestion and muscle condition, and fewer sores and infections. "If you're going to be against this," Gunther says, "you have to argue why the benefits are not worth pursuing."

They knew that the treatment would be controversial, though they did not quite foresee the media storm that would erupt when they decided to publish the case and invite their peers to weigh in. "I felt we were doing the right thing for this little girl—but that didn't keep me from feeling a bit of unease," admits Diekema. "And that's as it should be. Humility is important in a case like this."

Gunther also understands why the case has inspired such intense feelings—but notes that "visceral reactions are not an argument for or against." This was not a girl who was every going to grow up, he says. She was only going to grow bigger. "Some disability advocates have suggested that this course of treatment is an abuse of Ashley's ‘rights' and an affront to her ‘dignity.' This is a mystery to me. Is there more dignity in having to hoist a full-grown body in harness and chains from bed to bath to wheelchair? Ashley will always have the mind of an infant, and now she will able to stay where she belongs—in the arms of the family that loves her."

But how far would Drs. Gunther and Diekema take this argument? Would they agree to amputate a child's legs to keep her lighter and more portable? Hormone treatment is nowhere near as risky and disfiguring as amputation, Diekema retorts; it just accelerates a natural process by which the body stops growing. Parents of short children give them growth hormones for social more than medical reasons, he notes. How can it be O.K. to make someone "unnaturally" taller but not smaller? To warnings of a slippery slope, Gunther tilts the logic the other way: "The argument that a beneficial treatment should not be used because it might be misused is itself a slippery slope," he says. "If we did not use therapies available because they could be misused, we'd be practicing very little medicine."

Pillow Angel Ethics, Part 2

Nine-year-old Ashley, who was born with a rare brain condition known as static encephalopathy, at home in the state of Washington. Her parents have approved growth-stunting medical treatment that will ensure she has a child's body for the rest of her life.

The doctors who agreed to an experimental treatment for a severely disabled girl thought there were clear medical benefits to keeping her small. Autopsy the doctors' argument, and you find that they concluded they could remove Ashley's uterus and breast buds because she'd be better off without them; they could keep her short because, since she'll never have a job or a romance, she'd not suffer the social consequences of smallness. "To those who say she has a right to develop and grow," argues Dr. Daniel Gunther, "Ashley has no concept of these things." But he is talking as a scientist; the philosopher uses different tools. Just because autonomy doesn't show up on an X-ray doesn't mean it can't be harmed by a scalpel. And if rights are inalienable, they exist whether the patient is aware of them or not.

Looking back on the debate within the Seattle Children's Hospital ethics committee, the doctors admit that there was an instinctive, emotional ingredient in the decision to proceed with hormone treatments and surgery. "I think in the end it was the obvious bond and love that exists between Ashley and her parents," Gunther says, "that convinced them this was the right thing to do."

That argument sends disability rights advocates around the bend. "Benevolence and good intentions have been among the biggest enemies of disabled people over the course of history," says Arlene Mayerson, a leading expert in disability rights law, who like many critics feels intense sympathy for these parents. "Many things that were done under a theory of benevolence were later seen as wrongheaded violations of human rights. " Medicine's role is to relieve pain and improve function, but Ashley was not sick, and the treatment was untested; do we really want to start bending the rules in the case of the disabled just for the promise of some benefit in the future, advocates ask? That's not healing, it's gambling.

Ashley may be an extreme case; but she is a terrifying precedent. Critics note that for brain-damaged children, development can come very, very slowly — so deciding when she's only six to change a child's body irreversibly can amount to a medical form of identity theft. Frequent touch is indeed important; but is it really so much harder to hug someone who is 5'6," or bring her to the table at dinnertime? Turning people into permanent children denies them whatever subtle therapeutic benefit comes from being seen as adults. "I know they love their daughter," says Julia Epstein, communications director for the Disability Rights Education and Defense Fund,( and the mother of a disabled child. "But they refer to her as the pillow angel. I know that's meant to be a sweet term, but it's terminally infantalizing." Her organization issued a statement affirming that "we hold as non-negotiable the principle that personal and physical autonomy of all people with disabilities be regarded as sacrosanct." With the right information and support, disability rights advocates believe, there is no need for a medical solution to an essentially social problem.

Doctors watching it all from the sidelines note that there are serious medical questions at stake. For one thing, there is no way to know the effect of high-dose estrogen on such a young girl. "Before moving forward wholesale, we need to study it carefully," says Dr. Jeffrey Brosco, an associate Professor of Pediatrics at the University of Miami, who wrote a dissent in the journal where the case was published. "Right now it is truly an experimental treatment." But he is sure there will be more interest: just last week a family he treats had to put their 19-year-old son into a group home, because he had become too big and aggressive for them to care for anymore. "They don't have the money for a personal aide at home," he says, noting that in Florida alone there are 16,000 people on the waiting list for home services.

In fact one thing everyone could agree on was that the case highlights the lousy state of home care in this country. "The web of support for families who really want to care for their family member is uneven and sometimes tattered," says Thomas Murray, President of the Hasting Center, an independent bioethics research institute. "If there were abundant support to help care for a fully grown son or daughter, then people might not be pushed to a radical medical option like this."

Those troubled by the Ashley treatment as a medical fix for a larger social problem are watching the direction that Britain is taking. The Royal College of Obstetricians and Gynecology has proposed that doctors be allowed to kill the sickest infants — which is already legal in the Netherlands. "A very disabled child can mean a disabled family," the college wrote to the Nuffield Council on Bioethics, and urged that they "think more radically about non-resuscitation, withdrawal of treatment decisions... and active euthanasia, as they are ways of widening the management options available to the sickest of newborns." At least in Ashley's case, however much the doctors debated the proper "management options," they all agreed that her life had a value worth fighting to preserve. But as a standard, that's a pretty low bar to set.

what I learned today...

I cannot hop like a fact.....I seem to have lost the ability to really hop well at all......especially both legs at the same time. I imagine it has something to do with how much MASS I am trying to send up into the atmosphere for just microseconds at a time (along with a recently re-injured knee). My sister would say my age......anyone might say that......but it is not that. I am pretty flexible.....but have found myself looking for lazy ways to do just about anything. AT MY age what does that mean? Only that I am lazy? Crap.....I did not think things like trying to find easier/lazier ways to do things did not happen till like 40 more years from now!

Even with a bra on.......some things are just not meant to be done by larger breasted women! HOPPING is surely one of time I will just demonstrate how the penguins stand with the eggs on their feet.......yeah.......their stomach coming down over the top of the egg to keep it might just qualify for that! holy crap.....

Tuesday, January 09, 2007


I wish someone had told me that silly game I put on the sidebar had this music that kept repeating causing a Chinese torture effect....I removed it...

rise and shine you sleepyheads!

Already had my shower......made Noah some breakfast...some coffee for me (breakfast to follow).....and have a load of laundry in the washer.

Getting ready to start school in 15 as part of our day we will start learning about penguins. We are going to do a 2-week long project just on penguins. I think Noah will enjoy learning about them. After school we will have some lunch and then I need to finish some work and get back to putting Christmas things away.

I imagine I will need a nap today if I can squeeze one in......even for an hour would be good!

poor Ohio State last night......they got their butts kicked!

it's 5:10 a.m. and I am off to bed

Monday, January 08, 2007

so far...

Since I decided to work last night for a bit....I ended up on the sofa to sleep because I did not want to sleep too long......wanting to call tony before he left to go to the hospital. Crappy me....I overslept......missed talking to him before he left.

I did read my horoscope today and found it interesting.....talking about how I would have all this energy to do things and may as well get them done!

So.......I was looking around at all my Christmas stuff feeling sort of suffocated and smothered.....finding it hard to believe Christmas was even here already. The temps here have been unseasonably warm.......and the most snow we have seen in this area so far would be what you see below on the slide show I made.

The day was bright and sunny.....and to be honest....while I love Christmas and all......I have already had my fill of the tree and decorations. I wanted to get my house back in order so the rest of my life and semi-routines could get back in order. SO I could finish organizing my office and house and clean things up. I decided to "just do it" as Nike commercials always advise us to do.

I walked over to the hand reaching out...but then I pulled it back. I actually was trying to TALK TO MYSELF IN MY HEAD "out" of taking the decorations down today. This instant tug-of-war began in my mind......"you have to do it sometime...may as well be now" "oh, but you really don't feel like doing it today"....."one more day or another week would not really hurt""go FOR IT...JUST GRAB THAT DAMN TINSEL!!" yanking my hands back OFF the "START.......JUST START.......START WITH THE TINSEL!!" "If you just do will all get know always works that way!"

Which I did....I grabbed a handful........and thus it began. This is how I always work.......if I can just get started......then you cannot usually stop me. I took all the decorations down outside....inside.....and am finishing the tree now. AND TO TOP IT ALL OFF......I ALREADY HAVE MY VALENTINE'S DECORATIONS AND LIGHTS UP!~

so....I am feeling pretty energized and happy. Happy my life and year will begin......and can finally get started.......with things getting back to the state of "normal" for me and my world at least.

Stress management

A lecturer, when explaining stress management to an audience,raised a glass of water and asked, "how heavy is this glass of water?

Answers called out ranged from 8oz. to 20oz.

The lecturer replied, "The absolute weight doesn't matter. It depends on how long you try to hold it. If I hold it for a minute, that's not a problem. If I hold it for an hour, I'll have an ache in my right arm. If I hold it for a day, you'll have to call an ambulance. In each case, it's the same weight, but the longer I hold it, theheavier it becomes. "

He continued, "And that's the way it is with stress management. If we carry our burdens all the time, sooner or later, as the burden becomes increasingly heavy, we won't be able to carry on. "
"As with the glass of water, you have to put it down for a while and rest before holding it again. When we're refreshed, we can carry on with the burden.

one step to dessert heaven?

I was at Krogers the other night and saw this.......yeah....NEW......READY-TO-EAT cheesecake filling.....

it was extremely difficult for me to pass this tub of joy up. It was 3.99....I passed on it because I knew full well my tub would never make it into anything larger than a spoon headed into my mouth. idea....make this in a smaller portion for us out here who would prefer just eating this right out of the container!

Sunday, January 07, 2007

Christmas past...

this is a pic of melissa's tree......a psychedlic version and her cat who was far from impressed

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strange lights

I went to my sister's house Saturday and took some pictures while there...and I always get some strange lights that show up.

One picture is of Melissa with some lights that we thought were being reflected off an object beside her on an end table......but when I took the picture of her tree a few seconds later I noticed this same "reflection" that had been beside her stretching up clear to the top left of the picture of the looks almost like a bony arm and fingers coming you see it?

Now grant it this time I was playing around with the camera.....unintentionally. I snapped the one of Melissa not seeing the reflection when I took the picture. The tree I took on the NIGHT SCENERY setting and if you move while it is processing it will swirl the lights on the tree. However...what is the white light in the top left of the picture? Here is a bigger black and white version done in negative......reminds you of an x-ray

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and this one looks like MUSIC NOTES
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and this one like little cars or telephones attached to their cords
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lazy day sunday

I have been pretty much worthless today. I honestly think if I could have I probably would have slept all day. I guess this is the chronically sleep deprived side of me coming out....screaming it needs more sleep. ALL I feel like doing is sleep though I did get some cooking done. I made a wonderful spicey roast chicken and some mashed potatoes, homemade gravy, hot rolls, some carrots....yeah...ALL comfort foods. WHICH after you eat you just want to sleep even more! I am thrilled I have a ton of leftovers for this week!

I also made a cheese ball for snacking this week.....and Noah and I made some gingerbread cookies tonight. I have cleaned up my kitchen at least 3 times on my second pot of coffee....but keep forgetting it is sitting out there waiting for me to suck it I have now turned it on and off at least a half dozen times. I guess it is time to make a fresh pot.

Here it is Sunday night. SO much to do....and I have no energy to do anything. I never made it out of my pajamas today...neither did Noah. I have school work to plan out for Noah....some work to do AND my Christmas stuff is all still up.

sigh.......that is okay...I am going with the flow. It will all get done in time.
"Don't think in terms of comfort; think in terms of freedom. Don't think in terms of safety, think in terms of being more alive. And the only way to be more alive is to live dangerously, is to risk, is to go on an adventure. And the greatest adventure is not going to the moon - the greatest adventure is going to your own innermost core." ~Osho