Saturday, January 13, 2007
thoughts of you
My mind is wandering with thoughts of you
You are present even though you are absent
Everywhere I go I walk with you
You have become a part of my world
Even if I try I cannot escape it
The thoughts of you are always there
They begin to consume me like a raging fire
Out of control causing my heart to melt
Inner emotions I cannot explain
Begin to explode from within
Molding and reshaping each single thought
Into dewdrops within my mind
Quenching the thirst , I drink like a sponge
Savoring the long overdue rains
How can I suddenly feel so alive
Yet be dying at the same time
Copyright ©2002-2007 Melinda A. Napoletano
love of souls
Time stands still for no one
And yet all we have is time
So much has already escaped us
I dread thinking of another minute passing
Without being by your side
Our souls have finally crossed paths again
We have been apart for so very long
Yet we instantly recognized each other
And could only think of the words “I know you”
You fill my heart with such emotion
My spirit soars beside yours
I ache to have you near me
In perfect unison as one
What can I say to others to make them comprehend
Our relationship, a bond...that goes beyond understanding
Only you and I know the depths of our connection
And once our spirits can touch each other’s hands
We will finally know what heaven is all about
Copyright ©2007 Melinda A. Napoletano
quiz time - -
You scored as C.G. Jung. You are more of a spiritualist than would be immediately apparent. Some of your notions are questioned by the cynical, but deep down you know the human consciousness is more than the flesh and tissue can account for. You tend to take a scientific observationist look on matters the average person wouldn't even begin to analyze. You personally are responsible for most of the ideas that are floating around in modern psychologist's/psychic's paltry little skulls. On the down side, you tend to be associated with that asshole Freud.
What Pseudo Historical Figure Best Suits You? created with QuizFarm.com |
Friday, January 12, 2007
more FIVE on Friday
- What is one thing you always have with you? my thoughts
- What are two things on your night-table (or next to your bed)? phone, mace
- What are three things you learned in the last seven days? 1) Way too much about men having sex with horses (don't ask). 2) The Emperor Penguins can be nearly 4 feet tall and 90 pounds! I am not sure what I would think seeing a penguin BIGGER than Noah coming toward me! 3) Penguins can bounce up to 5 feet high!
- What are four things parents always have to tell you? whether you want to hear it or not? hum....1) He is not right for you. 2) Maybe you should go back on your medicine. 3) Be careful. 4) hopefully "I love you."
- What are five things you paid for in the last month? 1) Bills. 2) Food. 3) Christmas. 4) Gasoline. 5) Books and CDs.
FIVE on Friday....feel free to steal
- Where is your hammer, and what did you last use it for? IN my tool bag in the utility room. I last used it to hang up some paintings in my house.
- What is your everyday cutlery like? Pretty nice. I bought new when I moved in here last June. Nothing fancy...from K-Mart. I think Martha Stewart.
- What are you using for a toothbrush? I am not sure why it is asking this. Does anyone use something other than a toothbrush? I use a dollar store toothbrush
- How particular are you when it comes to writing implements? Not that particular, as I tend to do most of my writing by typing these days. Sure I LOVE all the goodies like wonderful papers and inks and pens and sealing wax......etc...but still tend to type nearly everything.
- What is the most use-specific tool you own? um.......don't think I can publicly answer this one! hahahaha :O
free association........someone says pink I think of:
2) panther
3) pagoda
see......that is how my brain works..........
temptation
Temptation
May I offer you a bite, to quench your soul
Some juice to fill your cup
Your delights of temptation fill me with sweetness
I swoon to the magick in your touch
Drink I say, till you can drink no more
As I pour out myself unto you
Your lips so sweet they smell like perfume
They quench the thirst in my soul
Your sweet juices flood my mind
Like a river unleashed I drown in your waters
And rest on the banks of your arms
Copyright ©2007 Melinda A. Napoletano
here with me by dido (so hard for me to not read or want to write it as DILDO!) haahah
(WHY DON'T MY LINKS WORK AS LINKS ANYMORE??????)
Here With Me
by dido
http://media.putfile.com/here-with-me---dido
I didn't hear you leave
I wonder how am I still here
And I don't want to move a thing
It might change my memory
Oh I am what I am
I do what I want
But I can't hide
And I won't go
I won't sleep
I can't breathe
Until you're resting here with me
And I won't leave
I can't hide
I cannot be
Until you're resting here with me
I don't want to call my friends
For they might wake me from this dream
And I can't leave this bed
Risk forgetting all that's been
Oh I am what I am
I do what I want
But I can't hide
And I won't go
I won't sleep
I can't breathe
Until you're resting here with me
I won't leave
I can't hide
I cannot be
Until you're resting here
I won't go
And I won't sleep
And I can't breathe
Until you're resting here with me
And I won't leave
I can't hide
I cannot be
Until you're resting here with me
Oh I am what I am
I do what I want
But I can't hide
And I won't go
I won't sleep
And I can't breathe
Until you're resting here with me
I won't leave
I can't hide
I cannot be
Until you're resting here
And I won't go
And I won't sleep
And I can't breathe
Until you're resting here with me
I won't leave
I can't hide
I cannot be
Until you're resting here with me
has anyone seen this?
I would love to see this movie......I rarely get to go see any movies at the theater and this is one I would not take Noah to see.......so......will likely have to wait and see it on a DVD or something. Anyway......I have heard it is getting bad reviews.........people don't like it.....perhaps because most would not understand it? I just feel a special connection to the movie......and believe I would understand it....because I believe I could totally relate to the experiences within the movie characters....
have you ever felt like you or someone you know were "here" before?
reviewing some definitions on soulmates...a couple of definitions I have loved to read include the one by Richard Bach and Thomas Moore
- Reincarnation: Some believe that a soul mate is someone with whom a person has shared other life times through reincarnation.
The soul mate could be a friend, business partner, parent, child, sibling, spouse or other family member. These soul mates can be of the same or opposite sex.
- Other Half: Others believe, like the ancient Greek philosopher Plato, that a soul mate is a person's "other half". This concept was the basis of the movie, "The Butcher's Wife" where the idea of "split-aparts" searching for one another was explored.
People all over the world believe that we are all searching for someone to make us whole and to share our journey of life with.
- A dictionary definition is: One of two persons compatible with each other in disposition, point of view, or sensitivity.
Someone for whom you have a deep affinity . A person temperamentally suited to another.
- Predestination: The movie "Still Breathing" examines the thought that people are drawn together as soul mates by destiny or fate and that being with our soul mate is something we have no control over. This idea of predestination and connection even after death between soul mates was also examined in the movie "What Dreams May Come".
- Making Life Come to Life: Richard Bach describes soul mates as "A soulmate is someone who has the locks to fit our keys, and the keys to fit our locks. When we feel safe enough to open the locks, our truest selves step out and we can be completely and honestly who we; we can be loved for who we are and for who we're pretending to be. Each of us unveils the best part of one another. No matter what else goes wrong around us, with that one person were safe in our paradise. Our soulmate is someone who shares our deepest longings, our sense of direction. When we're two balloons, and together our direction is up, chances are we've found the right person. Our soulmate is the one who makes life come to life. "
- Profound Connection:Thomas Moore describes a soul mate as "someone to whom we feel profoundly connected, as though the communication and communing that take place between us were not the product of intentional efforts, but rather a divine grace. This kind of relationship is so important to the soul that many have said there is nothing more precious in life."
- Feeling at Ease With one Another: We don't believe a soul mate is the ideal or one and only person in someone's life. Our definition of soul mates is people who together want to work on making their marriage a great one. Their relationship feels like a natural fit, and although they need to work on their marriage, it is not hard to do. When soul mates first meet, there is an immediate sense of being at ease and connected.
- General Belief: Most believe that soul mates can accept and love every part of the other's personality and that life with a soul mate is easy and natural.
"Zen and the Art of Falling in Love" -by Brenda Shoshanna Lukeman ( a book I just ordered)
Being in love is the most mature and realistic thing you can do. It energizes your life, fills you with positivity, creates generosity and makes every moment beautiful. Being in love immediately dispels the sense of purposelessness and disconnection that many grapple with. The body heals, the heart is happy.
Being in love is our natural state. The real question we should be asking is, why aren't we in love all the time? What is it that keeps this most precious inheritance away? How can we reclaim it for our own and return to the intrinsic wisdom and spontaneity we had as children, when each moment was fresh and exciting and filled with adventure?
Contrary to popular opinion, real love never hurts or wounds. Only our confused expectations can undermine our lives and lead us to negative consequences. There is a Buddhist saying: "Give up poisonous food wherever it is offered to you." Once we know what is poison and what is nourishing in our relationships, once we learn the laws of love and how to practice them, we will be able to live a life of love and build relationships that cannot fail. Zen shows how we can turn our lives around at any time.
There are two different schools of Zen training: Rinzai Zen and Soto Zen. Rinzai Zen emphasizes koan study, breaking through the barriers that keep our life force tied in knots. Soto Zen emphasizes the application of Zen to everyday life. Although training in both schools goes on in a zendo (a place where Zen meditation and other forms of practice are taught), the fruits of practice appear in our lives and relationships. Both Rinzai and Soto practice are included in this book.
Zen practice offers us an entirely different way of looking at love and relationships. In Zen practice we learn how to make friends with every aspect of ourselves and others -- nothing is rejected, nothing is left out. We return to basics and become able to distinguish between real needs and false ones. In Zen one learns to sit, to breathe, to focus, to let go, to walk with attention, to cook, to clean, to receive blows and to be prepared for intense and intimate encounters. As we do this cravings, addictions, fears and compulsions of all kinds slowly dissolve.
Zen and love are incredibly compatible. The wonderful, ancient practice of Zen is actually the practice of falling in love. When one focuses on and welcomes all that life brings, each day becomes a good day in which you are able to fall in love with all of life, to continually find wonder, kindness, friendship and playfulness.
The book is divided into three parts and each part offers new building blocks to help you prepare to love and have a deeper understanding of love itself.
Part I, "Starting Out," emphasizes the initial steps we take in Zen practice. Not only does it explain the specifics of what a Zen student learns (including how to do Zen meditation), but it also shows how these steps apply to relationships and how they help prepare an individual to know himself more fully, release control and become available to love.
Part II, "Zen in Action," describes the ways in which the focus and insight attained in meditation is then transferred to all our actions and to our everyday lives. We see how Zen principles -- such as emptying yourself, being there for others, taking new steps and dealing with blows -- are crucial building blocks in developing and maintaining loving relationships.
Part III, "Advanced Training," takes us to the top of the mountain. As training progresses the individual develops the ability to deal with moments of intense confrontation, decision, conflict and the need for endurance through difficult times. As training advances and the student gains an entirely new awareness of herself and the world around her, she finally becomes able to "meet the beloved," to experience the essence of love.
In each part readers will learn new means of dealing with the usual trouble spots in relationships, such as miscommunication, lies, betrayal, jealousy, insecurity, boredom, feelings of worthlessness, loss and disappointment. As readers look at these issues through the eyes of Zen practice, they receive life-changing perspectives, instructions and outcomes.
Although Zen practice is simple, it is not always easy. The reader is asked to suspend judgment and disbelief, to be willing to become a child once again -- to explore, play, hug, cry and feel that the world is filled with endless possibilities, which it is, once you are willing to see it that way. Zen also requires the ability to say no to all of the people, beliefs, habits and desires that can take your faith and love away. Falling in love doesn't mean being blind or entering into fantasy. It means waking up out of darkened dreams to finally see the beauty that surrounds us.
This book is not only for those who wish to experience loving relationships, but also for those who wish to be able to enjoy their lives to the fullest. It is an invitation onto this wonderful path. A little endurance is required, along with the willingness to face the shadows that will dispel as soon as we invite in the light.
POW bracelets - - do you still have one?
if you do....you might have one with a name on it that someone is looking for. Check out the link to read the details.
http://thewall-usa.com/bracelet.asp
I remember these. They were still popular when I was in high school. I had one. Seems everyone I knew had one. I still have mine somewhere. I think. Maybe not. I usually don't throw those things away though.
Right after 9/11 they came out with similar bracelets called the Mercy Band where you could get names made on bracelets of anyone you chose that was a victim of 9/11. You can still order those if interested at this site....though there are a couple of sites that make different styled bracelets:
http://www.unldesigns.com/911mercybands.html
Thursday, January 11, 2007
now I think I understand my inner struggles a bit better
pretty much sums the MAIN issues up don't you think?
want to start posting some of my poetry....anyone know how to add separate pages or categories of posts or if we can on blogger?
The sky is gray and cold outside but the fire is warm within
My mind wanders, I think of you, and the ache begins again
I lean back and close my eyes and pretend that you are here
I feel your hands grasp my flesh and pull my body near
My pulse quickens, your breaths turn shallow, my breasts begin to swell
The all too familiar throbbing returns, where my desire for you does dwell
My heat begins to rise to the surface, just beneath the mound
When with your mouth and fingers, my pleasures you have found
The fire rages within us both, the flames lick at my lips
I cannot resist you longer so I begin to move my hips
Against you and with you, moving back and forth as one
Over and over you hear my moans, then whisper to me... “come”
We shift positions quickly, as desire continues to grow
I cling to you in ecstasy, as you rock me to and fro
Our hearts are beating faster now, our essence is divine
Our love flows out so freely, and we drink as if it’s wine
Copyright ©2007 Melinda A. Napoletano
Wednesday, January 10, 2007
melancholy...apathetic.....moodiness......sad
I have no idea. I do know I am feeling all the above and have no idea as to "why."
I have often looked back over my life and tried to pinpoint a period in my life when I first started to notice moments of semi-depression or feeling sad without any apparent reason. When did I lose my drive...my motivation......even randomly....when did I lose my enthusiasm, when did I start to feel like everything in general was just too much effort? I think that is sad to feel that way and I cannot stand it when I do........but I started experiencing that when I was like a freshman in high school. Generally I am a happy-go-lucky sort of gal and in a pretty good mood for the most part and can try to find the positive side to most situations. I can "fool" myself into believing all is well even if it is not. I have learned to do that very well over the years.
But take today for example. Now grant it yes I am chronically sleep deprived so I am tired. That in and of itself can make one not really want to do all that much. BUT....I have noticed over the past few years an increased tendancy on my part to find ways out of doing things......or easier ways to get something done. I feel like I am most days "just skimming by" in life and that is not how I want to live. Sure I stay busy....too busy....which I know takes time away from actually enjoying your life and truly just living it. Some days I just want to sleep....which makes sense because of the sleep deprivation. Other times I just do not feel like doing much of anything! Just moving seems like an effort...and don't get me wrong. I am thankful for all I have....for being alive....for all the beauty that surrounds me every day!
When one tends to seek out ways to escape the world more than participate in it...I take that as a flare being shot up for help. I am not psychotic or anything like that....and I am nothing close to feeling like I have in the past years ago......so hopefully my family won't get in any uproar by reading this. I have just been wondering the past week or two what happened to make me feel like everything was just too tiring or exhausting before I even did it so I opt out to begin with? Sometimes even the simple things like getting dressed are huge efforts for me.....
Meanwhile time ticks on and is not waiting on my lazy butt. People are passing on, creating constant reminders of just how fleeting time really is......and the fact that we all need to make the most of what we have NOW when we can. I mean come on...what are we all waiting for? This is not a dress rehearsal as has been said. We don't get halfway through and say "well crap.....I want a do-over." I don't want to be numb and a slug .......
then again I think I become that when I have too much to deal with in my life......a way to cope and protect myself. I don't know...that to me sounds like another convenient excuse or cop out to explain off my feelings.
I seem to have lost my creativity...I sat down tonight to paint and could think of NOTHING to paint. NADA.......I am in the zone........zoned out.......a walking zombie but one that interacts on the lowest level to fool others into thinking they are really ever present.
SO my question to myself is why. WHY do I not feel like doing anything. Simple post holiday blues? Stressors in life? I have had many stressors in life before........but I remember being a highly motivated person and able to do anything I set my mind to. In fact I still can......the only problem now is I do not seem to be setting my mind to doing much of anything unless it is forced on me.......so what does that mean.......
I tend to look at life with rose-colored glasses on I suppose......Noah helps me continue to see the beauty in all things......but I tend to do that regardless....I always have.
Lately though it is as if the rose color has turned to gray. I have to admit I prefer the rose. This does not mean I am not happy....because I am. That is where things get confusing....
what I learned today...
Even with a bra on.......some things are just not meant to be done by larger breasted women! HOPPING is surely one of them.......next time I will just demonstrate how the penguins stand with the eggs on their feet.......yeah.......their stomach coming down over the top of the egg to keep it warm......wow......I might just qualify for that! holy crap.....
Tuesday, January 09, 2007
wow.....
rise and shine you sleepyheads!
Getting ready to start school in 15 minutes......today as part of our day we will start learning about penguins. We are going to do a 2-week long project just on penguins. I think Noah will enjoy learning about them. After school we will have some lunch and then I need to finish some work and get back to putting Christmas things away.
I imagine I will need a nap today if I can squeeze one in......even for an hour would be good!
poor Ohio State last night......they got their butts kicked!
Monday, January 08, 2007
so far...
Since I decided to work last night for a bit....I ended up on the sofa to sleep because I did not want to sleep too long......wanting to call tony before he left to go to the hospital. Crappy me....I overslept......missed talking to him before he left.
I did read my horoscope today and found it interesting.....talking about how I would have all this energy to do things and may as well get them done!
So.......I was looking around at all my Christmas stuff feeling sort of suffocated and smothered.....finding it hard to believe Christmas was even here already. The temps here have been unseasonably warm.......and the most snow we have seen in this area so far would be what you see below on the slide show I made.
The day was bright and sunny.....and to be honest....while I love Christmas and all......I have already had my fill of the tree and decorations. I wanted to get my house back in order so the rest of my life and semi-routines could get back in order. SO I could finish organizing my office and house and clean things up. I decided to "just do it" as Nike commercials always advise us to do.
I walked over to the tree........my hand reaching out...but then I pulled it back. I actually was trying to TALK TO MYSELF IN MY HEAD "out" of taking the decorations down today. This instant tug-of-war began in my mind......"you have to do it sometime...may as well be now" ....to "oh, but you really don't feel like doing it today"....."one more day or another week would not really hurt"......to......."go FOR IT...JUST GRAB THAT DAMN TINSEL!!".......to....actually yanking my hands back OFF the tinsel....to "START.......JUST START.......START WITH THE TINSEL!!" "If you just do it.....it will all get done...you know this.....it always works that way!"
Which I did....I grabbed a handful........and thus it began. This is how I always work.......if I can just get started......then you cannot usually stop me. I took all the decorations down outside....inside.....and am finishing the tree now. AND TO TOP IT ALL OFF......I ALREADY HAVE MY VALENTINE'S DECORATIONS AND LIGHTS UP!~
so....I am feeling pretty energized and happy. Happy my life and year will begin......and can finally get started.......with things getting back to the state of "normal" for me and my world at least.
Stress management
A lecturer, when explaining stress management to an audience,raised a glass of water and asked, "how heavy is this glass of water?
Answers called out ranged from 8oz. to 20oz.
The lecturer replied, "The absolute weight doesn't matter. It depends on how long you try to hold it. If I hold it for a minute, that's not a problem. If I hold it for an hour, I'll have an ache in my right arm. If I hold it for a day, you'll have to call an ambulance. In each case, it's the same weight, but the longer I hold it, theheavier it becomes. "
He continued, "And that's the way it is with stress management. If we carry our burdens all the time, sooner or later, as the burden becomes increasingly heavy, we won't be able to carry on. "
"As with the glass of water, you have to put it down for a while and rest before holding it again. When we're refreshed, we can carry on with the burden.
one step to dessert heaven?
I was at Krogers the other night and saw this.......yeah....NEW......READY-TO-EAT cheesecake filling.....
it was extremely difficult for me to pass this tub of joy up. It was 3.99....I passed on it because I knew full well my tub would never make it into anything larger than a spoon headed into my mouth.
Kraft....an idea....make this in a smaller portion for us out here who would prefer just eating this right out of the container!
Sunday, January 07, 2007
strange lights
I went to my sister's house Saturday and took some pictures while there...and I always get some strange lights that show up.
One picture is of Melissa with some lights that we thought were being reflected off an object beside her on an end table......but when I took the picture of her tree a few seconds later I noticed this same "reflection" that had been beside her stretching up clear to the top left of the picture of the tree...it looks almost like a bony arm and fingers coming down...do you see it?
Now grant it this time I was playing around with the camera.....unintentionally. I snapped the one of Melissa not seeing the reflection when I took the picture. The tree I took on the NIGHT SCENERY setting and if you move while it is processing it will swirl the lights on the tree. However...what is the white light in the top left of the picture? Here is a bigger black and white version done in negative......reminds you of an x-ray
and this one looks like MUSIC NOTES
and this one like little cars or telephones attached to their cords
lazy day sunday
I have been pretty much worthless today. I honestly think if I could have I probably would have slept all day. I guess this is the chronically sleep deprived side of me coming out....screaming it needs more sleep. ALL I feel like doing is sleep though I did get some cooking done. I made a wonderful spicey roast chicken and some mashed potatoes, homemade gravy, hot rolls, some carrots....yeah...ALL comfort foods. WHICH after you eat you just want to sleep even more! I am thrilled I have a ton of leftovers for this week!
I also made a cheese ball for snacking this week.....and Noah and I made some gingerbread cookies tonight. I have cleaned up my kitchen at least 3 times today....am on my second pot of coffee....but keep forgetting it is sitting out there waiting for me to suck it down....so I have now turned it on and off at least a half dozen times. I guess it is time to make a fresh pot.
Here it is Sunday night. SO much to do....and I have no energy to do anything. I never made it out of my pajamas today...neither did Noah. I have school work to plan out for Noah....some work to do AND my Christmas stuff is all still up.
sigh.......that is okay...I am going with the flow. It will all get done in time.