macro-sized muffins

busy day today...

we went to my parents' house to celebrate the birthday of my niece and my sister....whose birthdays were actually earlier in the week. Noah and I stopped and picked up grandma C. to take along for the day. I was already tired having had only 3-4 hours of sleep the past few nights. I went to bed about 4:15 a.m. today and got back up at 8:15 a.m.......my eyes feeling like they were on fire and like sandpaper! I think I could have slept all day. I still had to make a batch of thumbprint cookies to take along with us......but wish now I would have made the cheeseball and crackers!

I looked out my back window when the cookies were baking and noticed an animal in the neighbor's yard......it was a possum aka opossum......however you wish to spell it. He was pretty cute and I snapped a few pictures of him.

After I baked the cookies and packaged them up and loaded the truck I called grandma C. to let her know we were on our way to get pick her up. She was waiting on us when we pulled in. Our favorite dog Joe was there to greet us. I got out of the truck to pet him and talk to him and tell him when we came back I would bring him a treat! I love that dog.

We arrived and my parents' neighbor saw me pull up and came out to speak with me. We have some nice curbside conversations (great name for a book!). Finally into the house and since I had no breakfast which is like my main meal of the day which I love....I was getting hungry. I had not even had time for coffee before we left.

Anyway.....I took my camera today but seemed to only take lousy, blurry shots most of the day....maybe I was too tired. I did get a couple photos of some woodpeckers and of the events. They are what you see above.

I still need to work......think I have to sleep a bit before I could possible even seriously contemplate it...my eyes are tired...I am exhausted.....so later I guess it will have to be.

It was good to get out and visit. On the way home I went through McDonalds to get a cup of coffee and some chicken nuggets to get to Joe when we dropped Grandma C. off. He was licking his lips before I got out of the truck!

Noah and I were thankful to get out and enjoy ourselves...but also thankful to get back home again.....into our cozy jammies......to just hang out. And even though it is now overwhelmingly quiet all around me again.......I have a lot to be thankful for.....I just wish my mental state would always remember to reflect that.

wondering...

If you die I won't have any insurance
But if I die I wouldn't either
It's funny how we look at things, the older we become.

You ask yourself, "How did I end up with nothing,"
"When everyone else got something?"
But remember it was 3 years before you knew she had died

You sit in the middle of confusion and conversation
Wondering "what the hell am I doing here?"
Then remember your cry for company, because you were tired of being alone.

Back home the silence is obviously striking
You'd do anything to hear someone talk
Then realize they probably already are, just not with you.


Copyright ©2007 Melinda A. Napoletano
Image Source: "Alone" by Jeff Klingler photography

busy...

let's see....Friday I got up after not quite 4 hours of restless sleep....thinking "I am on the edge" and I was.....literally on the edge of my bed. I got up and worked some more......got a shower.....did a few other things around the house including putting clean sheets on the beds....got dressed and Noah ready to go out and off we went to pay the water bill and shop. BRIEFLY....I made sure to get a new bird feeder and 75 pounds of seed...grabbed Noah some lunch....ran to some stores to shop...decided to head back and get the truck washed and then sweep it out and clean it up.

The weather was wonderful and people were firing up their grills!

SPRING is on its way!

today will be busy.....I need to get some sleep. Less than 4 hours and all that running is catching up to me. I can barely see straight. Going to sleep for a bit and do more later.

THEN the birthday bash...need to pick up grandma for that.

does anyone really care about the little crap I do in my life? Somehow writing it all down makes it feel more like I accomplished something.

so there you have it. till later....have a great weekend!

blowin' smoke rings...

You are like a cigarette
Embers all aglow
Causing me to get all wet
Your smoke I want to blow
In rings to hang within the air
Suspended there in time
Drag after drag I wanna take from you
Some say it's such a crime
They say you are no good for me
But surely I'm addicted
I say it's best this ain't a crime
Cause I'd already be convicted


Copyright ©2007 Melinda A. Napoletano
Image Source: Yahoo Images

ramblings...

not much happening here. The landlord called the other day wanting to know again if I might want to buy this house. I find it interesting all of a sudden he seems to be in a bit of a rush.

Otherwise pretty much same things happening here on this end. Playing perpetual catch up at work...or at least trying to do more. Noah wants to redo his room in train theme....so...that could be a project. I need to get this office room done..it is bugging the crap out of me sitting with boxed all around me. Same for my bedroom. I need to finish it! SO this weekend we may just do that...or at least give it a good try.

AFTER doing a dual birthday party Saturday of course...for my niece Audrey who turned 7 and my sister Becky.

okay....back to coffee and work I go...

ride the rails...

this poem I wrote is dedicated to my son Noah, a boy who loves trains


If I had one wish to give to you, to help you in your life
I'd wish for you a lifetime free, of any pain or strife
To live each day abundantly, carefree and full of joy
To seize an opportunity, though yet you're still a boy
To remember when you're under stress and need to get away
To hop that train and ride the rails, any time, night or day
The train is filled with magic to carry your hopes and dreams
To distant lands and faraway places, as the rails below you scream
There you'll know no limits, there's nothing to hold you back
As long as you believe you can, that train will stay on its tracks


Copyright ©2007 Melinda A. Napoletano
Image Source: Yahoo Images

if...

If I were to die tomorrow
Would your soul cry out for mine
Would you feel any pain or sorrow
Or become whole again in time

Would your arms spread far and wide
Searching for me in the night
Would you long to have me by your side
To once again hold me tight

When you got up in the morning
To sit down in your chair
Could you do so without warning
Or give up and only stare

Could you make it through one day
With thoughts of me no more
Or would you become like clay
And softly, fall to the floor

Copyright ©2007 Melinda A. Napoletano
Photo Courtesy of: faerieluna at http://faerieluna.blogspot.com/

waiting...

I am a rosebud, perched on its stem

Anticipating the moment in time

You notice me and choose to bend over

And deeply breathe of my fragrance

Allowing my essence to fill your desire

To reach out and touch my leaves

Stroking them between your fingers

I quiver as I wait for your lips upon my petals

Your tongue to search for my dew

To probe deep to find my roots

To turn me ... into a rose

Copyright ©2007 Melinda A. Napoletano
Image Source: Yahoo Images

Exposed...

The steam from the shower rose around me
As I allowed the water to trickle down my breasts
My abdomen, to the special place, the forbidden place
Where my fingers were never allowed to probe
What lie hidden, well protected from peering eyes
From touch, from all recognition
Under folds of skin and bits of hair
I grabbed the soap, my razor, and worked up a lather
Somehow realizing this moment would be symbolic for me
Somehow freeing me at last, to be raw at its best
Undercover no more, bare to the world's eyes
To my eyes, vulnerable, completely naked
Totally exposed
to finally embrace and acknowledge my own existence
My cravings and desires
My hopes and dreams
My urges,
Enhancing all my sensations
Reminding me I am alive
And to once again see my true self
Reminding me of all that I am


Copyright ©2007 Melinda A. Napoletano
Image Source: Yahoo Images

Be Gentle With Yourself...

Be Gentle with Yourself
By Jafree Ozwald & Margot Zaher
www.EnlightenedBeings.com

“In a gentle way, you can shake the world.” ~Gandhi

How often are you gentle with yourself? Perhaps you have pondered this idea, yet never knew how to implement it. We will teach you how, it is easy! First we invite you to truly wonder what your life would be like if you were just a little more gentle with yourself. This means that if you screw up in life, miss your exit on the freeway, or even lose your cool with your mate, that you treat yourself with more loving kindness and gentleness. We invite you to explore this experience all throughout this week. Notice how many times in a day you are “hard on yourself”, and see what happens when you gently replace that hardness with gentleness.

Live your life gently. Be more like water. Water is soft, flowing, and yielding, yet with time and direction it can cut through any solid metal or rock. Look how simple yet powerful the river is that flows through the Grand Canyon! With this new commitment to being gentle with yourself, you'll soon see how easily you slice through any hardness inside. It is this hardness that creates arguments and eventually dis-ease in one’s life. Remember that the human body is made up of 65% water, and 70% of the brain is pure water! Four hundred gallons of water are recycled through our kidneys each day. Your life truly is more fluid than you think it is.

"Nothing is so strong as gentleness, nothing so gentle as real strength.” ~St. Francis de Sales

This moment contains the possibility of a miracle because YOU have the choice (right now) to respond to your life and everyone in it differently. This conscious ability to respond to others from a more enlightened, free, gentle and loving space comes from practicing these qualities with oneself. Others treat you how you treat yourself. When you are constantly being gentle with yourself, others will only be gentle with you. This gentle energy of self-love is MUCH more productive than anything else you can do with your time here on Earth. No amount of therapy is going to fix you if there is no self-love. Gentleness is the doorway to loving and truly caring for yourself again.

"Be gentle and you can be bold." ~Lao Tzu

your hands...

Slowly kiss my skin
HOT...
Like branding irons
SEARING...
my flesh with each stroke
TRACING...
across my neck, my arms
DANCING...
Across my breasts, my stomach
DROPPING...
to my thighs
SURRENDERING...
Full attention to my hips
CARESSING...
All my curves
SQUEEZING...
my cheeks tightly
KNEADING...
Between your fingers and palms
BRINGING...
Us to the peak of desire
ALLOWING...
Me to climb in your lap
ROCKING...
Together as one
MOANING...
blissful sweet sighs
EXPLODING...
Within and without.
COLLAPSING...
And resting as one.


Copyright ©2007 Melinda A. Napoletano
Image Source: Antoine de Villiers' "Nude Embrace"

just thinking...

I have been thinking about a lot of things that have happened in my lifetime thus far. Some have been quite painful experiences...and yet tonight...no..make that this morning....I have to admit..it is OKAY that they all happened. In fact...I am thankful they most likely all did occur...for without them occurring as they did when they did in my life...I would not yet be to the point I am in my life.

My progress......is actually a good thing. AND it gets better every day. That is even a better thing. It is nice to look back and really not have any regrets.

as I fall asleep...

As I fall asleep my mind is filled with thoughts of you
I am soothed and feel comforted, I feel secure.
I feel your absent arms wrapped tightly around my body
Pulling me close to your beating heart
As you draw me closer, our hearts become one
Beating together in rhythm
Not a sound do I hear outside of our breathing
Not a thought do I feel but my yearning



Copyright ©2007 Melinda A. Napoletano
Image Source: Yahoo Images "Dreamy Love"

you...

Sobbing I climbed into bed
Instinctively rolling back
Closer to where you should be
Pulling the covers up over my arms
Deliberately placing pillows
Behind my back, in a spot reserved for you

So it would feel like you were there
The weight of the blanket held tightly across my arms
Were your arms embracing mine
The pillows piled high behind me
became your body pressing against mine

As my head began to hurt from the crying
As sheer exhaustion took hold of my body
As my hands in place of yours wiped away my tears
I kept repeating to myself in my mind
"you will be here with me one day"
"you are here with me even now"


Copyright ©2007 Melinda A. Napoletano
Image Source: Yahoo Images

rainbows every sunny day ...

I have a crystal hanging in my kitchen/dining area window......and any day it is sunny outside.....those afternoons my kitchen and living room are filled with wonderful rainbows. ALL over the place. Here are some in my kitchen and living room.....ONE was right above a glorious sun I have hanging in the living room. It just makes the entire ambience a bit more magickal!

I miss...

Your chest pressed tightly against my back
So tight I can feel your heart pulsating against my skin
Your strong warm hands stroking my hips
Caressing all my curves
Your breath tickling the hair at the nap of my neck
As we lie together in each other's arms,
Talking, laughing, in the darkness
our voices a night light for our souls
Our legs and arms entwined like brambles
sinking into each other's skin
Never wanting to pull apart
Your sleepy voice so sexy,
So deep and slowing
So soothing
Our eyes growing very heavy
Our bodies relaxing
Drawing our breaths in perfect unison
The sweet simple sighs
The silent smiles
The long, slow, sleepy kisses
Your arms pulling me back
Ever closer to you
You loving me
Me loving you
You

Copyright ©2007 Melinda A. Napoletano
Image Source: Yahoo Images

drowning...

There are times, like now
when I am completely alone in the middle of the night
no sound but my fan running in the background
so quiet I can hear my own breathing
that I am completely overwhelmed.

Do you remember nights/mornings like that?
You can't sleep for whatever reason
or you have slept for a bit and wake up
unable to fall back to sleep.

I look out my window
and wonder what other people are doing
but seeing their windows black
I assume they are still sleeping.
I even think about you and wonder what you are doing
but realize you are most likely snuggled up tight against your lover.

Everyone else seems to have an actual life, a purpose
another beside them
and yet the fact that it appears you don't, even if for a moment
is too much for you to take.
You are tired of wallowing around in self pity
waiting to be noticed
for another living soul to actually be present to look back at you
to actually see you and acknowledge your existence
to make you real.

I have experienced this before
it was hell then and it is an even greater hell this time round
The pit is deeper
yet I walked willingly into the pit
apparently forgetting to take anything sensible along with me in order to survive.
Maybe the flames this time will just burn so hot
they will incinerate my soul in totality
then I won't have to worry about this happening again.

These are times I feel like I get slapped in the face
the sting leaving a resounding crack in the air around me
my eyes welling up with tears so great in number
I couldn't possibly keep them from overflowing and rolling down my cheeks.

So I allow them to fall, one tear after another
till I find myself lying in a pool of tears.
Pretending the waters are your arms
I lie back, close my eyes, and allow myself to drown.

Copyright ©2007 Melinda A. Napoletano
Image Source: "Girl In Water" by Michelle Flores