Friday, June 06, 2003

I had to write and tell you all that the LIVELIEST I have seen Keith recently was the other night. I NEVER normally do something this dumb...BUT...I was super gluing the kitchen table. I could not get the lid unscrewed so he was standing there and I stuck the super glue container in my mouth to hold still as I unscrewed the cap. The LOOK of HOPE and anticipation of results in his face and eyes was amazing. I KNOW he was HOPING I would glue my mouth shut. I caught his LOOK in the corner of my eye and I looked dead at him. We both got to laughing as he looked like a kid caught with his hands in the cookie jar. He was SUPER alert and like I the vulture waiting to move in for the feed!

It was actually pretty funny but also something like I said I would normally never do. I mean I don't want to end up on Oprah....hahahahaha

AAAAAGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH> Well....time marches on. They upgraded my computer at work to Windows XP and of course a lot of things NOW DON'T work. OH WELL....guess they will have to get them working huh!!!!!!!!!!!! Makes it hard to do my work though. AND some files may be lost forever. Not sure about that. I now type for 10 attendings and like a least 11 attendings and 5 nurses ALL BY MYSELF. I never realized how MUCH I did before I actually sat down and checked it out. Anyway...MORE clinics are being added to my schedule beginning in July. Sounds like I will be busy. That is good....but I think I am also underpaid..haha.

Getting older. I guess I never really thought about how easily that has the potential for being depressing. Seems society is so screwed up with how we can or canno take care of older loved ones. Nursing homes are a joke. Medicaid is a nightmare. EVERYTHING needs revamped. How in the world can anyone afford to even live on their own when they get older if they need nursing care? I guess you have to be rich. I guess I better start now getting there!!

Debbie has been working her butt off trying to get things worked out for grandpa. What a mess that has all been. I am glad she is there to do it though. SOMEONE needs to do it and help grandma out. Sounds like grandpa might be coming home and have in-home nursing care. I think that might end up being the best way to go .....may be cheaper and grandma would not worry so much. Grandpa I am SURE would be happier and would actually be taken care of and fed/exercised. It all makes my head spin thinking about what a mess things are and how expensive things are these days. AND if you even had the money who in their right mind would ever WANT to end up in a nursing home? I would opt for private in-home nursing care or something like that. Assisted living I guess COULD be okay. AAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH.

We are all doing pretty well here. I am going to be trying some natural whole food products and supplements to help with my digestive problems and weight. Looking forward to that.

Noah is doing great. I need to get him involved in more activities this summer. Keith took his dad to a Rockie's game yesterday. Sounds like they had a great time. We have actually had cooler temps and some rain recently. We really need it so that is great.

We had neighbors across the parking lot move in over the weekend. I noticed she was taping FOIL into their one bedroom windows yesterday which is a BIG NO NO here. So I calle HOA. They are going to send them a letter. AND also a letter about their gas grill. We still have many here with grills on their balconies and patios even though Westminster has adopted a new city code that prohibits those now from multiple housing dwellings. SO...I called HOA about that. Not much they can do except send warning letters they said. I called the Fire Administration. They said HOA IS responsible but they can do something if they CATCH the person actually cooking out. The fire prevention guy is going to get me a phone number to call about that. Meanwhile I guess I will have to send HOA a letter with addresses of those in my building who continue to have grills that pose as a fire hazard to us in the same building. Brother.

House still looks nice..but i will need to do laundry and clean today. I then have some paperwork to tackle this weekend. I will probably have to go to my next staff meeting at work. That day is also an employee appreciation day of some kind so I get to go pick up a free blanket...etc.

Keith's boss asked him if he would be interested in transferring to UTAH asa supervisor. If we were just married or something perhaps. that would be even farther away from ANY family members then. I was not thrilled and Keith said he has been there before and he did not think he would want to be there either. SO....that is not even something he is going to consider Weird though.

OKAY...let me ponder on how to get rich..........haha

Monday, June 02, 2003

I think Keith purposefully went today to get the car avoid his birthday. He is turning 49 today you know. He has been acting more weird than usual. I swear he does not use his head and THINK most times about anything...or use any common sense. And he cannot retain anything you tell him. He sleeps constantly...I mean 99.9% of the time when he is home he is in a reclining position with his eyes shut. He even tries playing with Noah in that position. Now tell me how can you be interactive with a child laying down? Course he denies it. But check out the pictures I have taken of him recently. ALMOST ALL show him laying down and I DID NOT plan that on purpose. That is just the position I always find him in. He has no energy or so it seems. I question that as I think sometimes he puts that on a bit. He acts like he cannot use his right hand much at all. He drags his feet along when he walks......the only time he acts somewhat chipper is when he is going to work or doing something he wants to do.....he says he does not feel tired at 10:30 at night....I said of course not. You can be yourself then as Noah and I are in bed. I told him it seemed he was trying to avoid being around us and he is like a walking ZOMBIE ...a mere shell of himself.....going through the motions. Course he denied anything being related to me...he said it was him. I asked what that meant and of course he had no explanation. He believes nothing physically is wrong..and that wanting to sleep all the time is NORMAL for someone his age. I said WRONG> I told him people at nursing homes were probably more active than him. He will only get moving if I suggest doing something. Like Friday watching Finding Nemo he was fine. He did not act tired...walked with some spunk and got around fine. I think it is great if he feels super relaxed at home...but the second you walk in the door you head to the bed to sleep? I don't know if he is just avoiding LIFE with us or me or if he really is tired and that is a physical problem or what. I told him he needs to make an appointment to the doctor because sleeping all the time is not normal. I know he has obstructive sleep apnea and needs to get that treated but of course he probably would never do the recommended treatment anyway. BUT...he said he has always been this way and I told him he has not. Only the last couple of years he has been this way. I told him he acts like he is totally miserable 99.9% of the time. I asked if he was happy or enjoyed his life. He said yes. I said no one would ever know it by looking at you. Meanwhile he is what Dr. Phil calls a "sabatouer (sp?). He whether he agrees on this or not...he DOES mess things up when doing things just so you or someone else will end up doing it instead. He will stand there after doing something wrong...or breaking something...with a half grin on his face....and YOU KNOW he has done it on purpose and has achieved the desired results...which is basically doing it all yourself. I am getting kind of tired I told him of not having a PARTNER to SHARE with all the responsibilities and every day living. I am not talking about sex here either. I just mean every day stuff and crap. He is like here but mentally somewhere else all the time. has been a real joy lately. Like trying to pull teeth out of him when you try to get any information from him too. He denied a girlfriend or wanting one of course. I would hope he has learned his lessons there. He just seems miserable. I know his new AGE is bothering him.....49 years...and he only thinks of what he has NOT done with his life. I ask him what he wants to do and of course he cannot think of anything. he has no hobbies...which I find super odd too. Nothing he enjoys doing when he is off work...he will read.....but most of the time he television with his eyes shut and snoring. He will occasionally play with Noah....but acts like everything is such a huge chore. He almost always thinks mainly of himself too even though he would also deny that.

So...part of me wants to say SCREW his birthday. He obviously does not want to celebrate it so heck with it. Part of me then thinks perhaps he needs a party as I doubt anyone has ever given him one. SO who knows.

This has been my life for awhile huh? hahahahahahahahaha

Sunday, June 01, 2003

WHEW...not any entries in awhile. LeighAnn's graduation went well. We had her over on Monday to celebrate. That was nice. She brought along a friend named Ben. Keith's dad also came. We had ice cream cake. The house is still looking great as we are really in the habit of putting things back in their places since we don't have HUGE spaces. I HIGHLY doubt I will remember all I was going to originally enter in this journal for the past week or so. We met Kelley and Isaak and Erik at the park on Tuesday so Noah and Isaak could play and we could give Isaak his belated birthday present. It was super hot but the wind finally kicked in. That made it better. Noah really gets red in the face like I used to and still sometimes do. He got super fact I worry about him in the heat as he does not do well. Neither do I and we normally try to go outside to do things early in the mornings during the summer. Anyway.....we finally got home.

Went out to eat a few times this week. Keith's birthday is coming up. His employer gave him 2 tickets to see the Rockies..nice seats too. Right behind the batter's box. He will go with his dad and they even gave him that day off and PAID. Pretty nice huh? He got a t-shirt from someone else at work and his employer also gave him movie tickets to use sometime this year. WOW....

We all went to see Finding Nemo Friday. It is a great movie. We will definitely buy it once it comes out on DVD. We may go back to see it again but I kind of doubt Noah would sit through it twice at the theaters. There were some previews of some good movies coming up in the fall and winter.

I just put a roast and vegetables in the crock pot. I fried some chicken yesterday which is rare and also made some potato salad and baked beans for our lunch. We all had rootbeer out of rootbeer mugs. Noah got a BIG kick out of that since I have a mini one Becky gave to me one time that he drank his out of. We ordered pizza for supper.

Today not sure what I will do for lunch since we have a big supper cooking. Something light. I need to finish up some more work and then do WHATEVER I want

I am thinking about taking some vacation time and even cashing in some time. I am at 300 hours and we can only accumulate 344 hours before I then cannot accumulate anymore..which means I would not be receiving any PTO. So...I will probably start taking some days off here and there. I could really use a break. Would love to surprise Melissa for her 30th birthday but we really don't have the extra money to make that trip. SO...we will probably hold off. Not sure. I know Keith is off the week before her birthday. She works during the daytime we would not even see her that much anyway. is overcast but super muggy outside. Only 70 degrees but feels a lot warmer. The Custer reunion is today. Chris flew in from Florida to go to mom and dads and the reunion. He goes back to Florida tomorrow I guess. I imagine they are having a nice visit. Hopefully they will send me some pictures.

Sounds like grandpa is in a really crappy nursing home.

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