Thursday, March 18, 2004

WOW. Have you ever walked by a display of clothing on a mannequin or just hanging together on hangers in a store and think to yourself "now THAT is how I wish I could dress and always thought I would?" but you realize you are NO WHERE NEAR that kind of clothing or dressing? I saw this outfit at Cracker Barrel (YES Cracker Barrel) and it looked like something I figured by now I would be wearing in this time in my life. HA!! Yeah right!! That set me off to thinking about HOW I am now and WHAT I thought I might be like by now when I was younger. Physically I have obviously let myself way down somewhere along this journey. I am SOOO out of shape and overweight now....NOT how I thought I would be at this stage in my life. Then I wonder to myself...IF I were thinner.....would I still ever be totally TOGETHER so to speak? I mean it seems I ALWAYS have things on the burners to do.....things not quite completed or I AM not quite "there". I kind of doubt that would change even if I weighed like 80 pounds! SO.....deep in thought I guess. Wonder why my life and surroundings have to be in chaos the majority of the time? When we moved here I was so organized and have continued to be organized. BUT...with being sick over the holidays and all....I really got behind on keeping up with putting things away and cleaning...etc. my life is all topsy turvy yet once again!! AAAAAAAAGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!!

My little Noah is such as sweetie pie. He keeps me on track and Keith too. I can get so frustrated with him and NOT pottying. BUT...I would not trade HIM or those problems for ANYTHING! I do have to remind and remember to be patient around him and with him and not lose it or anything. I NEVER want to put him through crap like that. I grew up around a lot of that and I swore if I ever had kids I would never let them have to experience that. A couple times when I have gotten upset with Noah and raised my voice he gets so upset and it scares him. NOT what I was going for....and it makes me feel really really bad about myself all over again. This has only happened like twice but NEVER should have happened at all. SO he likes for me to talk I try to. I also try to make sure Keith does the same thing. I have never thought any child should ever be afraid of their own parent or parents. What a life that is. I know all about that too.

Okay...I am getting depressing. Better go and work some more. Had to work early tonight as the hospital was going to do something to the network and the system was going to be I ran down before midnight and got all my work done. Now more to do here at home.


Monday, March 15, 2004

Found a great baby outfit....matching blanket and onesie at Mervyns...all WInnie the Pooh BEAUTIFUL stuff for Mark and Peggy's baby. Last I heard this morning she was in labor and they were on the way to the hospital. They are to have a boy...and hopefully that will be the case as I picked up all BLUE stuff today. Such nice clothes!! AND that blanket is gorgeous. AND ALL ON 40% off and the onesie was free!!!
What a day!! My head is spinning! Started out super early. Worked and then went to Cracker Barrel for breakfast....then bought a few things for Christmas gifts and Easter. Then we took off to see where Keith's ex's new house is. Then to pay the car payment..then to Car Toys. I KNEW it would be a good day to head over there..and of course there was NO ONE in there getting anything done to their cars. We found a nice CD player from Pioneer.....they had to order the adaptor though so we did not have it put in today. HOPEFULLY tomorrow. So we left there..ran to Mervyns. Then to Pizza Hut for lunch (YES...a DOUBLE eating out day). Then to Albertson's Grocery store to pick up a few things..then home sweet home! Meanwhile however......I got a little stressed. We decided to stop at Radio Shack too..forgot check on that turntable I got Keith. The needle has NEVER been right or worked in we stopped in the first RS...that guy was NO HELP....We came home. Keith ran to the mall..they were more helpful and said they could switch his out for another new one..but they had none in stock. So....he come to our local RS....there was a new guy there that was more helpful...but Keith came home with a DISPLAY model as a replacement and NOT a brand new one. I WAS MAD...sent him BACK to get the old one back....(which had NEVER BEEN USED yet as the needle was not right)...and had him call the other RS at the MALL and told them to go ahead and order the NEW one to replace his. I got him that turntable at Christmas and I finally unpacked it about 3 weeks ago. GOOD thing I did. RS has a warranty on it for 3 months (90 days)...which would be up like on March 24th!! So anyway...we will get a new one..HOPEFULLY on Wed. WE will make sure this time all is well BEFORE leaving the store..etc. THEN home sweet home with that and should be able to listen to the records and albums again and ENJOY!!!

Meanwhile....Keith's dad had called..said his sister was in from England with her daughter. We have never met them yet (me or Noah). Anyway...she is still kind of on the outs with Keith..but his dad decided to have everyone who wants to get together tomorrow for lunch at Panera (bread place where you can get FABULOUS breads and sandwiches and soups and pastries..etc). We will have to take something in for Noah to eat..nothing there he would be interested in. BUT....we should go WITH Keith and support him. The way his family is I am kind of just like "well...why even bother to give them the time of day...etc..." but that is not very Christian we should and will probably all go along..and meet them..have lunch. Then off to get my CD player in..and back home again home again!! RUN RUN wonder I am exhausted by the time the weekend rolls around.

So...I got all worked up...and probably ate like 15 mini Nestle Crunch bars.....but miraculously I am finally feeling more calmed down. Especially since Keith called RS back and they said they would order a replacement turntable for him. SO..SIGHHHHHHHHHHHHH.........~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Now I am perking a fresh pot of coffee...just what I need. I KNOW..CAFFEINE! We are really trying hard to NOT argue in front of Noah..or things like that. It is so upsetting to a kid to go through that and live like that. I am much better about raising my voice to Keith...and he is trying to not TICK me off...etc.....but it is a work in progress I guess..hahaha. I know what it is like to have a parent or parents argue or yell...etc...and I DO NOT want to have Noah live like that. So...we have never really argued around him but a couple of times..but when that has he yells and tells us to stop it...or cries..and I know it is NOT good. He if finally at that age where we HAVE to be more careful about what we say and do to protect him etc. He is very good for us...and makes us be better people!!! We were driving home from the park the other day...and Keith forgot to put Noah's sealtbelt on. He started to cry as he said " seatbelt is not on" and I told Keith to pull over NOW...and he would not...said he could not...would in a minute..I really got ticked and started to raise my voice...which only upset Noah even more...he ended up leaning forward and BITING THE CAR SEAT which I have NEVER seen him react like that before. His face was all red and he was shaking he was so worked up. We calmed him down...stopped and buckled him up...and again I reminded myself and Keith how we have to be more careful about things in the future. Any arguing will have to be done in the CLOSET or somewhere AWAY from Noah. So it is actually a GOOD thing for ALL of us.

Meanwhile....I am trying to take deep breaths..slow down and actually ENJOY the day and breathe for a change! I am trying to get Keith to do the same thing!

Well..enough ranting......I am going to have a cup of coffee......Caramel is very good.

We went to a new church yesterday. Was not bad. Noah was soo excited about heading back to church and so was I. He was clapping his hands and singing and dancing at church...raising his hands..shouting out Amens and Hallelujahs when the pastor asked for them.....he was something else. I did find it odd that we knew ONLY ONE song during the praise and worship that they sang. Keith said it was that way the week before too. I cannot believe I had never heard these songs before....must be like SUPER NEW? Not sure.....They did not dim the lights either during praise and worship and most places I have been do that. MOST.....they had like 20-30 min. of announcements which drives me INSANE! AND some women were twirling/dancing around during praise and worship and then one spoke in tongues and a man provided interpretation. I began to think I was in some holy roller church and was a tiny bit uncomfortable. A lot seemed almost put on to me. The pastor finally spoke but only referenced the Bible maybe twice the entire sermon. THAT REALLY bothered me. So...we may occasionally go there but will probably try a few other churches in the coming weeks...till we find one we like and feel more suited for...although I won't rule this one out completely.

Went to OUTBACK for dinner after church. TALK ABOUT GOOD!! We have NEVER had anything bad from there ever. I got shrimp...Noah chicken fingers..and Keith the pork chops. MMMMMM MMMMMMMMMMM GOOD!!!

Worked on the house a lot this weekend but more to do. I have so much to go through and organize. Also trying to get caught up more for work..soI decided to NOT attend the staff meeting today but go in May, June and July. Keith is off today and Noah is out all week so I wanted to do some things with them too.

I think Keith is going to have the CD player put in my truck today. Not sure what we might do after that. It sure is windy outside..I hung a cool windsock out there and have really ENJOYED seeing it blow around. I MUST keep one out there all the time! I found some at the dollar store....A DOLLAR!! LONG ones 5 FEET long!

Well..I seriously need to get back to work. More later...