Friday, March 30, 2007


At night your arms are imaginary
Created from pillows on my bed
My heat strong enough to make them warm
I lie my head down and begin to cry
The day has been tedious and long
Yet you never fail me
You are always ready at a moment's notice
To caress my aching head
To catch my falling tears
To stay with me till morning
And if I listen very carefully
At times...
I can even hear your heartbeat.

Copyright ©2007 Melinda A. Napoletano
Image Source: Yahoo Images

Thursday, March 29, 2007


Can be so simply said or forcefully driven
Sometimes more powerful than any body language
Subtle or direct
Mesmerizing and tantalizing
Some have raped me with their words
In every unthinkable way
Screwing me and using me for their pleasure and gains
Some have tried to kill me with their words
Driving them in like nails
Trying to make me go away and remove my existence
To soil my spirit
Some have caused my heart to leap with great joy
Whispering delights in my ears
Causing me to smile
Some have cherished and adored me
Like a cool dip on the hottest of days
So soothing to my soul
But I long for your words
Words of recognition and acknowledgment
Expressing my worth to you
Words that cause my stomach to flutter
My breath to catch, my heart to race
Dropping like kisses across my hips
Words that fuel the fire within me
Stoking it, seasoning the kindling
Until my flames rage out of control.

Copyright ©2007 Melinda A. Napoletano
Image Source: Yahoo Images

Wednesday, March 28, 2007

Pillow book...

Under my pillow lies a book
Holding all my dreams
My secrets and desires
Filled with fantasy and nonfiction
Photographs and poetry
Paintings and prose
Trinkets and talismans
Treasures of love
Which one day my lover will share
We shall lie down beside each other
Gazing at the beauty within the binding
Testing and trying the delights
One at a time,
Until our tongues become tender and raw

Copyright ©2007 Melinda A. Napoletano
Image Source: Yahoo Images

Tuesday, March 27, 2007

singles sites....

I am not sure I could honestly say I would recommend them to anyone. I have met MANY men yes...a couple very nice....most mainly there because they want some kind of sex, even if just phone sex. SO okay, I appreciate most of their honesty...though a few have been less than honest or upfront. And don't get me wrong. The women are just as bad if not worse on these sites.

It is odd how it all makes one feel. I have caught myself gauging my level of self worth by what others on these sites might think of me. You can feel pretty crappy one minute and think you will never meet anyone you might be remotely interested in.....and then the next be bombarded by men who reportedly love you and make over you....a couple of them even being very nice.....but none you are still really attracted to. And I know they could not possibly love me as they do not even know me. And I have met few to none that I could envision in my home with me under "any" circumstances. I start to feel a little like I did back in my 20s when life was very wild and free. BUT I also notice I start to feel just like a piece of meat put on display waiting for someone to come make their assessment of their favorite meat cuts. While I desire to one day be sexual again with a man and embrace it...I do not desire it in this manner. It makes me feel cheap and very much like a whore. . I am being assessed and sized up so they can put the price they are willing to pay for ME out there to see if I will accept it or not. That tends to bother me a bit. And I am not devaluing a whore. I am very much for being "the whore" when the time, person, and place is appropriate.

I had no idea I had labeled myself inappropriately either. After I got bombarded by sexual comments and such after using the first LABEL I had picked as my reason for being there (which I think was something like "OTHER RELATIONSHIP") I rewrote my profile and changed to ACTIVITY PARTNER, having NO freaking idea that meant I was there FOR sexual encounters. DUH ME ..MY bad.

A nice 37-year-old man sent me a message last night...telling me to change my profile from ACTIVITY partner to something that was one big reason men might be making sexual comments to me....because that is what ACTIVITY PARTNER MEANT! Oh really? Since when did it come to mean that? Am I that naive and been out of the social scene that long? I honestly thought it meant doing things know...hanging out. I guess in other minds it does indeed mean that, but in a "sexual" way.

SO I now have it changed to the lowest level of involvement, "TALK/EMAIL", figuring that might make things safer. Then the same 37-year-old sent me a message immediately after my change telling me that was better but then quickly adding "but if you ever want to talk about sex just let me know!" of course joking, but it got me to thinking. WHY are most people on singles sites and WHAT exactly are they looking for. Are the ones who say they are there to just hang out and do things like movies and coffee together really there just for a movie and coffee? I somehow think perhaps "not." I thanked the 37-year-old honest man....felt like I must be really out of it and naive to NOT realize this...and quickly logged back out of the site.

On another singles site I was experimenting with I find I do not even look at much of the criteria one has listed on their profile if a few of my requirements or MUST HAVEs in the other person are missing. Is that fair to do? Part of me thinks we would hopefully cut through the crap up front and save us both some valuable lost/wasted time. But maybe I am also missing out as some who do that with me would be missing out.

Regardless, I really do not believe the man that is meant for me in any capacity in my life will be found on any singles site anyway. It has been a learning experience and sometimes amusing. I almost feel like I am doing research. BUT......I really think I am just going to hang it all up and GIVE UP and ALLOW the universe to work its magic.....and what is meant to be....will just have to come to me when everything is in place and the time is right. I only hope it is before I am 90 years old!

AND I KNOW and believe this to be true. I know and believe it will happen as sure as I type it all down I am no longer fretting over it.

Life is such a mystery...but the universe is incredibly amazing and will always give you your heart's desires.

So be it...

Copyright ©2007 Melinda A. Napoletano
Image Source: Yahoo Images

Monday, March 26, 2007


Can cause horrific stagnation
In one's beliefs and dreams and hopes
I look at myself in the mirror
There are times I no longer recognize
The body and face being reflected toward my gaze
I am less than thrilled to see evidence of what I have done over time
Thinking if I added girth and size
I would become less appealing to a man
I would be protected because I would be undesirable
My body would scream "STAY AWAY FROM ME!"
But that never really happened.
Even pregnant and ready to give birth
A man on a bus made passes at me
Wanting to fuck me
And deep down inside I continued to hear a small, tiny voice
Always present, always crying out, "Why are you doing this to me?"
"Why do you wish to stamp me out and not even acknowledge me?"
"Why are you trying to kill me?"
"To deny me?" "To suffocate me?"
"Why do you refuse to even look at me?"
All I kept hearing was "whore, whore, because they thought you were a whore!"
When I remembered how I used to be
So I continued to push myself down
Till one day many years later, I realized I "am" that small inner voice
Crying to be recognized
And I am by far a whore
Embracing one's sexuality does not make one a "whore"
Living one's life with passion and vitality
Wishing to experience all life has to offer
Does not make one "easy"
But now I am stuck inside a body I no longer want
One that makes living as I desire much more difficult
I wish I could snap my fingers and instantly remove in a flash
All the damage I have done
And regain myself
Reclaim myself
But it is no easy process
And at times it seems it will likely go on forever
If one could actually take a knife and sculpt oneself
Into the shape they so desired
The knife would already be in my hand
Cutting and reshaping
Molding and smoothing
All the excess and bulges that shouldn't be there
Yet I have remained the same throughout all these changes
Deep down inside myself
I can still see "me" and "feel" me when I close my eyes
Yet the same old statement plays out in my mind
Like a dull, steady mantra
One I don't want to listen to
"No one will find this attractive, no one will see this as sexy, no one will want this."
I see the years of doubt, unhappiness,
Fears and stifled sexuality
In layers upon my body
I just want to shed and be rid of
Like a butterfly emerging from its cocoon
So even if I had a man in my life right now
Would I be able to bare all?
Or do I feel I have to live perpetually within this cocoon
Always covered to some degree
Not ever allowing myself to be seen in totality for all I am worth
For all I could be
For all I used to be
Or for what I will become?
Would I be able to cast fear aside
And stamp it far enough under my feet
To think it even remotely possible
To trust another and reveal all of my nakedness
So they might see that which I yet cannot?
And to love me and ache for me
And all my imperfections
Even those glaring back at him
Smacking him right in the face
Each time he reached for me?
And if I accept myself in that way as well
Would I then, finally, at last
Be able to shed this skin of denial
And become a beautiful butterfly once again
Fluttering free at last?

Copyright ©2007 Melinda A. Napoletano
Image Source: Yahoo Images

if I should die tonight...

Since alone I remain
A confession I make
If I should die tonight
I would want you to know
Your soul has melted the ice from this once cold heart
As if your hand pressed tightly against a frosted windowpane
As each layer melted and trickled down your arms
I was lying there, waiting, with my lips parted
Catching each droplet anointed by your touch
with my tongue
Moistening my parched lips
Savoring sip after sip
Swallowing renewed trust
My thirst like a sponge
Your touch so hot
Allowing me at last
To drink my fill.

Copyright ©2007 Melinda A. Napoletano
Image Source: Yahoo Images