and just when I was thinking of drinking a cup of coffee with cream....

I realized I no longer had a bad headache or ringing in my left ear. The ringing in my left ear has completely resolved!! HUGE for me......it has been intermittently present since December 2005.

While I knew it was related to caffeine intake.....I never really curbed my coffee caffeine intake....which I guess was more than I ever cared to admit.

DAMN today I miss it a lot.....I know that sounds incredibly silly. BUT I miss it. My subconscious thoughts are fighting with my conscious ones telling me all the reasons why I should just go ahead and drink a cup.

While the physical symptoms of withdrawal have abated for the most part.....the mental aspects I imagine will be something I will have to deal with for some time to come!

ONE way I can get past it is to acknowledge the fact that perhaps one day I can make it a SPECIAL TREAT only and have it once or twice per year. However, in my house if it was available I have no control over it. I drink and drink and drink coffee with cream like crazy.

I am also tired of talking about something so absurd and silly that seems to be taking up a huge portion of my thoughts.....and it is making it very difficult to focus on my job....which is not a good thing. Life is so much more than coffee and creamer and me whining about not getting it. Damn....this has even taken precedence over my thoughts of not getting something else! I am not sure what that means....

sigh....come on Melinda.......get a grip.......get a life...shut up already and move on!

and the ringing in my left ear has returned......I guess it is continuing to be intermittent.

day #4 no coffee.......

and I am feeling caffeine withdrawal symptoms......my head has been hurting pretty much now for about 3 days........ yesterday was the worst......and it is not as bad as it could be because my vitamin has caffeine in it......my migraine pills I ended up finally taking also have caffeine in them.

BUT......instead of going cold turkey with no coffee.......I am thinking I perhaps should have weaned myself down and then off it......something....I don't know.

My tea has been good but does not fill me up and satisfy me like my coffee did. My coffee gave me an extra kick and satisfied feeling......but I am sure a lot of that was the flavored creamer and not so much the coffee.

I know getting away from the creamer was a good thing......and one day maybe I can ration it out.......but it is doubtful. The coffee........I am not sure what to make of that yet.

anyway.....off to bed I go.........with a pounding headache.......and I have already taken migraine pills....

One of Pavlov's dogs....

Your voice is so soothing to my soul

My heart's rhythm swoons with sweet sighs

And skipped beats

Whenever you speak

Thoughts of you

Turn me into one of Pavlov's dogs

Your voice is the bell

Which upon hearing

Instinctively causes me to drool

Though not from my mouth

I become like a bitch in heat

Hot, sticky sweet with sweat

Pacing the room, running myself ragged

My body screaming to be rubbing against yours

My flesh upon your flesh

My mouth upon your mouth

My tongue upon your tongue

My breaths becoming your gasps

Copyright ©2007 man&SippingTheVastSpring

Gingerbread tea/suicide...

Okay.......two days now I have enjoyed my teas.....my favorite for substituting coffee is Gingerbread Spice.....a seasonal tea flavor made by Celestial Seasonings. I was afraid I could only get it at the holiday time......but I can order it direct from Celestial online......guess who is going to be stocking up?

yeah......

I smelled my bag of coffee I just bought the other day at the store........and to be honest......the smell of the beans for some reason this time did not smell all that great to me. AND this is coming from someone who has loved coffee and has been drinking it since I was like 14 years old.

Anyway.......it did not smell all that great to me......but the tea did! HUGE progress....even the thought of coffee soured my stomach......so I naturally avoid anything that would sour my stomach.

NOT having the same amount of caffeine however HAS affected me physically. I have walked around in a daze and have been very sleepy. I do NOT like that but I know I can substitute MOVING my body and even other sources of caffeine if I must to boost my energy again. I realize it is a process and will take some time to make the adjustments. NO incredible caffeine withdrawal headache yet either.........not a real bad anyway.

Today I just found out someone I knew in Colorado.......a very young, confused man named Ben.......committed suicide last week. This has really upset me.....and I wish I could have had a more positive influence in his life.......maybe he would not have chosen to kill himself. Life is so very precious. We tend to think so little of it or even of ourselves. I wish this young man could have had a better chance at life and realized his potential and experience even a glimmer of hope.

We never realize the many ways we might influence someone else's life.......so we should strive to make it the most positive we can. I now feel like I have failed somehow with Ben.

If you can any prayers for his family during this time would be greatly appreciated.

Otherwise I hope you all have a great and safe Labor Day Holiday....