Saturday, December 23, 2006

so much to do here...or maybe not. Maybe I will keep this blog strictly for writing and a few photographs from time to time. No eye candy and stuff along the sides.......maybe later for that. has been another very enlightening day to say the least. It is no wonder I have felt sort of sick to my stomach all day long......I think one's nerves can only take so much.

Mom seems to be doing pretty well. I talked to her tonight for a bit as well as my grandma C. Hard to imagine Christmas eve is tomorrow already and Christmas the day after that. It just is coming up too fast.

Tonight I made my buckeye candies......I had thought about taking a picture and posting here.....maybe another time. I am in a weird mood......not really feeling like doing too much.......though there is always stuff needing done around here. I muddle through it all somehow....

Tomorrow Noah and I will decorate some cookies......I will make dessert to take to Mom's on Monday.......tonight I am wrapping presents while Noah up the kitchen a bit.

Noah and I watched the Polar Express again tonight. We need to just buy that movie if someone has not gotten it for us for a Christmas present...we both really like to watch it a lot. I guess I must be emotional as I cried at the end of that and I have seen it HOW many times now? haha

oh well......I better get with it or I will be up all night and this is one night I am off work and I could actually sleep if I wanted to.
was there ever any fast way to delete crap from EFX2? your old posts? I have tried clearing crap off there........and all seems to NO longer be deleting my posts.

any former or current EFXers there have any shortcuts --because for whatever reason KEITH refuses to take the time to delete my accounts after asking him for a few days now
well here is the latest lashing I have received from my comments to KEITH on EFX2.......from Jeffro......
Jeffro Wrote ..
Alot of people get their buttons pushed and very few allow those buttons to be pushed continuously over time. Apparently Keith was sick of seeing misconstrued statements pushing his buttons and decided to try and end it by publishing the post above.

I have embarked on a journey to personally attack you ohplease using my blog. I will include nothing but lies and conspiracy theories. I will post things you never thought possible. You have two choices. Ignore me or allow all of my falsely stated dribble to affect you and your buddies and really get you revved up to the point where your defending yourself. Oh but when you defend yourself your going to look like an ass simply because your defending yourself.
and one more thing about the entire EFX2 thing.......then I am letting it go completely.

Keith...the grand living up to his title.

First off......I have to wonder if he realizes how obssessed he makes himself appear with Cyn's posts and comments and blogs? I mean I among MANY MANY other EFX2ers would NEVER have even KNOWN any of the stuff happening behind the scenes or publicly elsewhere had he not drawn our attention to it. NEVER. AND to KNOW that someone else SOMEWHERE else is posting 14 posts about you or your BLOGGING system in 12 days tells me he is spending a lot of time apparently reading Cyn's blog (when he is telling us he could care less what she is saying or doing or it does not bother him....etc...gee...I would say that really would not appear to be the case in this instance). I did not see Cyn going around trying to HANG onto crap or still stirring the pot of shit. IF she did she at least had the class to do it elsewhere.....and NOT on EFX2. Had Keith NOT pointed out publicly via COMMUNITY WIDE NOTIFICATION on his blog a link to Cyn and what she reportedly had said......NO ONE WOULD BE THE WISER. my book.......regardless of what was being dished out where and when and by whom......he is the official shit stirrer because he refused to let things go. When you are in CHARGE of a blogging system........whether it be hobby or DO place yourself at a higher level of authority than the average BLOGGER. OR YOU SHOULD. Whether you want to admit it or not ARE or SHOULD have enough common sense to realize that you would want to appear as NEUTRAL and unbiased as one can in regards to your CUSTOMERS (for lack of better wording here as we never paid for anything at EFX2 and that is so obviously clear now). should at all times remain NEUTRAL and separate from bashings online within your own community. THAT is why I suggested he take it elsewhere......Cyn did.......that was classy. He remained there....linked to her.....bashed her and it continues days later!

I think that says a lot about what TYPE of person that is. For someone to seem to derive so much enjoyment from the bashing....and the continued bashings...(oh I know is NOT YOU who are making fun of her or bashing her......we know....we keep telling us that as you continue to drive the stake down a bit further cause you don't think it has been driven far enough yet). What amazes me is this......IF none of this is or was true about you........why play into the entire thing yourself? WHY give it any time of day? Why go off the deep end and eat, sleep and breathe this? That is how it appears.........If it is all just ENTERTAINMENT to you......I think that says a lot ......what kind of sick person derives enjoyment from such things as you are doing NOW?

You wanted to clear some things up. Gee.....the stuff CYN was posting that you addressed here was NEVER even posted here at EFX2. Again....except for YOU posting it here.......your fellow bloggers would never have known.......except for some who followed Cyn regularly. Most of those were still making appearances at EFX2 as neutral however.......what she said had not changed their opinions of you one but you seemed to find it necessary to CLEAR anything up! AND I was never a follower of Cyn. I never even had access to her EFX2 blog. I never knew what she was writing or saying about you or EFX2. I am capable of making my own opinions and judgements. I have to admit your behavior here has made my latest decisions quite easy. You have made yourself look like a desperately obssessed immature person......who wants everyone to like them. If EFX2 is doing so well..........and you are nothing like what Cyn or others spout off about....why not let your credentials speak for themselves? Why not let who YOU ARE speak for itself? There should not have been a need to defend yourself. No one attacked you here! By participating in this circus of are now showing us who you truly are. I for one can't stomach it.

The ad crap. WHO GIVES A SHIT ANYMORE? And yet you Keith continue to send out community wide notifications to link us to a fellow blogger who has posted something about how they SUPPORT the ads....and more importantly YOU. Why do you find a NEED to try to make your own self continue to look good to all of us out here? said you did not care anyway? I don't get it and frankly it is giving me a headache trying to figure it out. WHY? Because in the grand scheme of things no one really gives a shit anyway Keith.

Life is too short. We all have way too many more important things going on to worry about your drama or to keep up with it. This reminds me of shit that used to happen when I was in high school? OR YOUNGER!

You always prided EFX2 on its sense of "community." Well....I have to wonder if you truly cannot see how your behavior here is destroying that sense of community? I guess you do not see it that way because the crap continues to pour out.

You have you buds supporting you.......believing any dribble that comes out of your mouth just because it does. You say the same happens with Cyn's supporters. MOST do not really care one way or the other! MOST......I think ALL......just want it to all stop. CYN TRIED to let it all go....she took her complaints elsewhere.......I had no idea there was a CORRECT way (according to you) to leave a blog........Was that something in the TOS I missed? I guess YOUR correct way is to say something nice and just go? NO fuss or backlash I think you said? I think CYN tried to do that. She was making a fuss at her own NEW PLACE......which was her right. YET YOU FOLLOWED HER there..........snooping around and reading and brewed up this latest fiasco! You linked others to her new place which again......they would likely NOT have even known about had you NOT posted it here! AND FOR WHAT PURPOSE? You say to defend your name....EFX2......what a load of crap!

This does not defend anything......other than the fact that somewhere along the way your head got bigger than your britches and you think any of us out here give a crap.
I found some interesting stuff over at:

talk about manifesting! Listening to the universe....some excellent posts! This snippet really spoke to me and sums up EXACTLY what I experience when I make choices in my life....I had to share......

There is a very interesting mechanism that the universe has to help you make spontaneously correct choices. The mechanism has to do with sensations in your body. Your body experiences two kinds of sensations: one is a sensation of comfort, the other is a sensation of discomfort. At the moment you consciously make a choice, pay attention to your body and ask your body "If I make this choice, what happens?" If your body sends a message of comfort, that's the right choice. If the body sends a message of discomfort, then it's not the appropriate choice.
For some people the message of comfort and discomfort is in the area of the solar plexus, but for most people it's in the area of the heart. Consciously put your attention in the heart and ask your heart what to do. Then wait for the response - a physical response in the form of a sensation. It may be the faintest level of feeling - but it's there, in your body.
okay.......I am back to my roots. I have officially closed my multiply account.........and my EFX2 accounts........well..they have been disabled. I have asked that they be deleted.....hopefully that will happen soon.

There is only so much drama and crap I can stand. I started blogging many years ago because I love to write and it was a great way for me to get my thoughts out of this brain of mine as fast as I could type them. I could keep up with my thoughts because I could type as fast as I was thinking them. It was and still is very therapeutic and a great way to vent feelings and frustrations, hopes and dreams...etc.

BUT when blogging becomes a chore....more like a JOB and not enjoyable....I know it is past time to move on. At multiply I would receive so many became IMPOSSIBLE and NOT enjoyable to even go there any longer......trying to keep up.....I could never read the posts..never respond...knowing I had to check that crap every day and MANY times daily was a pain in the ass.

EFX2 is the other place I had found after ModBlog died off. I had been at EFX2 a little over a year. LOTS has happened there recently that leaves a very sour taste in my mouth. I am not going to waste my energy, time or breath let alone my fingers in typing out all the details.

BUT........going there also was nothing but angst....sick in the pit of my stomach feeling. ALL the crap being tossed around in there to members was flat out wrong. IT went TOTALLY against what I believe integrity.

I also am pissed at the number of people who perpetually try to portray themselves as something they are not. OR think they know my family better than I do.

ALL in all I am sick of the crap.....the crap that supposedly went along with all the"community". If community equates with cliques......I don't want any part of it.

Back to writing solo.........riding solo...........hoping my attitude gets better soon.

Thursday, December 21, 2006

Dear Santa:

They say you do not get anything unless you ask for I am going to ask:

1) I would like my rent to be paid for 1 year up front.
2) I would like my credit cards to be paid off in full.
3) I would like my car to be paid off.
4) I would like to have help in setting up an actual classroom for Noah with a work space to work on arts and crafts If this requires moving again.....obviously we would need help with that.
5) What would be ideal Santa......since I am sounding like a greedy needy thankless soul.........would be to have our own HOME somewhere.......completely paid for...........that is large enough to supply us with the rooms and space needed to live. For Noah to have an actual therapy room......classroom.........etc. DO you think it could be made to be mostly solar powered so as to save on any gas and electric bills? Do you think you could toss in an annual income for me doing something so I don't have to worry about trying to work and take care of my autistic son full time?

and this is all shit.

anyway......not that it matters........but......I noticed my dad will make comments on my siblings' blogs......and on at least 2 he will always tell them he loves them. I think even the third one he does. I have noticed a trend on mine.....he never says it. You can go back a long ways.......he just does not say it to me anymore. um.........wonder what that means? This has all happened since the big blow up between him and my son Noah......but things have since been patched up......a bit I thought. I am not sure anymore......maybe he thinks I don't notice? That no one notices? Maybe I notice too much.

and you know what. I really don't care anymore. It is his loss he is so unwilling to get to really know or spend time with my son Noah. No one really seems to be overly concerned or willing to spend time to get to know really want to spend time with him......enjoy it......etc. Mom does more than she did.....grandma C. does. My sister Angela does........but everyone else is too busy or they really can't handle the "stress level" that sometimes goes along with Noah. That is just part of the deal. Well...I guess that is not fair. They have their own lives too......and are busy with it. My one sister has had a lot to deal with as her partner had cancer to deal with this year. AND my other sister is also a struggling single parent. So they are all stretched thin like I am. I can understand that. BUT when we are together......few really seem to take much time in wanting to spend time with Noah or do things with him.

okay.......I am remembering to