Friday, February 23, 2007

dream man...

When I was just a little girl
I remember closing my eyes and dreaming about you
The farm we would live on, the chores we would share, the horses we would ride
I remember seeing your body but not ever your face
Feeling happy, content, just to be sharing my life with you
It all felt very real, including the sweat trickling down my back on a hot summer day
You were my man and I was very much yours
There were no questions about that
I remember seeing how strong your hands were as well as your body
The muscles in your arms and legs, rock hard under your jeans
Our tanned, sweaty bodies falling into place
Side by side, throughout the course of the day
And at night, oh the glorious nights!
With the cool breeze blowing in our window
Across our sun kissed bodies,
Outside the cricket legs rubbing together
Almost as fast as our bodies
We never seemed to tire of each other
Always wanting more, soaking each other up to the core
And afterwards, lying in each other's arms
Filled with temporary contentment
Drifting off, sweet sighs escaping our lips

Copyright ©2007 Melinda A. Napoletano
Image Source: Zindy S.D. Nielson's "Dreaming"

learning to detach from your thoughts...

The key to mastering the mind is learning to, as the Buddhists say, "surf on the waves of your thought,"--a happy alternative to letting yourself get tossed and pummeled by them on the shore. You can do this by observing your thoughts as they come and go, watching rather than reacting. Your thoughts, like waves, will arise naturally -- but now you have the tools to ride them smoothly.

For the next few days, notice when your thoughts start racing and stress levels begin to escalate -- and take that opportunity to stop and observe this process. What are those thoughts about? Where are they coming from? What's causing them? The more you can detach from spiraling thoughts, the less likely you are to become victimized by them.

Watch and breathe...

love ...

Love is the Answer to Every Question

If you touch one thing with deep awareness, you touch everything.
~Thick Nhat Hanh

From the beginning of time we have been attracted to each other and to the continuing cycle of life, to gain sustenance, grow and play out a destiny together. This attraction leads to admiration, love, and in due course to higher vibrations of light energy. At love’s first blush, our combined energy is a powerful thing to behold. We can practically see the stars light up as we become the focus and center of the earth, of our Universe. We are in awe of each other as we discover the wonder and bliss of being together, being one. The mirror is perfect as it reflects the joy and power of sharing. This is perfect love, perfect joy and perfect peace played out in a reflection of the other.

Romantic love is the prelude to a partnership in life’s journey. This powerful journey provides nourishment to the soul, and alas, ego builds as the perfect complement to life. More definition comes to the partnership as a family begins and we take our place in the community.

When we look down at our first child and realize this gift from the Heavens, the perfect creation and complement to life has unfolded. Great steams of energy shift our personal light ever higher in a brilliant illumination that everyone recognizes. The joy and love in this reflection of self is an awesome experience that many share and all recognize. Love answers the ancient call to generate more love.

Loving from the deepest part of ourselves, given without expectation or judgment allows the blessed object of our desire to flourish. Both participants of the mirrored partnership find balance and healing in this renewing exchange of energy. In this simple exchange we truly see the other at a soul level while reciprocally giving of self. This is easily recognized and understood with lovers, children, friends, and also with pets. Energy shifts back and forth as we take some, and give some. Food for the soul, this nourishment is a critical part of loving, and often overlooked in our driven lifestyles. Keeping love’s energy vibrating high requires that we see each other, feel each other and give to the other in the way that meets our personal needs.

Let’s look at this from a different perspective, a plant for example. What kind of growth would occur in plant life if we only put water on it and deprived it of food? We all need different types of food to flourish. Plants get their energy from light; therefore, they need light to live and to go through the natural photosynthesis process. They will subsist without other nutrients, but not thrive. For plants to go beyond survival to thrive they need additional nutrients as the soil is depleted. Plants also need to be loved and admired. Ask anyone with a green thumb why their plants do so well. They will readily admit that they love their plants. This is the difference between a green thumb and a brown thumb. The green thumb gardener gives their plants attention.

Even an object, such as a car needs attention. Car lovers provide more undivided attention to their vehicles than some parents give to their children. They wash, rub, polish, admire, take pictures of and fully appreciate their vehicles. Thus love creates beauty in the eye of the beholder. Not so easy for someone with whom relationship is a struggle.

The relationship that is a struggle is the most important of all. I am not referring to abusive relationships, but those that seem to cause discomfort. This is where we really grow into ourselves. Learning to see past the projection in this relationship of our most unwanted traits is the first step in true love of self.

Difficult as it may be to admit, that mirror is there because we have invited it into our lives. Get rid of the mirror and another one appears to take its place. Get rid of the relationship and it will be back exactly like the last one. When we allow ourselves to witness this part of self, accept and love ourselves, we are empowered. We have come to know and embrace all aspects of humanity.

Providing the energy of love is all there is in life. Love is the answer to every question. Give unconditionally to what you behold, especially those parts that are not well understood. Observe and give without judgment or expectation. Witness the mirror’s heart, the fulcrum and core of the reflection. This is love fulfilled, baring and exposing itself to both sides of the mirrors edge in a dance of compassion. Love is co-creating itself in splendor and adorning itself in the light from our deepest and purest soulful reflection.

Love asks nothing, but to be. Whatever is left within the circle of love falls aside in appreciation of its self. We need only share that self and in the giving, we both grow and move to the next level of beingness. When we find that fulcrums edge in each mirror we behold, the relationship or beloved object comes full circle and energy’s light shifts again in deep revelation.

Lifted to perfect balance, we co-create our lives in full recognition as duality becomes complementary rather than apposed to the other. Touch one thing in pure conscious awareness and our veil is lifted. We ascend to full consciousness, and the circle of life fills with a purity and peace that nourishes the spirit. As love becomes the answer to every question, we live life in a mirror-less world of full abundance: materially, emotionally and spiritually.

About the Author

Shirley Ryan is the author of Searching for the Waters of Antiquity: A Follow-Along Meditation Process (Soul Moments Publishing, $24.95), a meditation tool with a unique integration of symbol and archetypes demonstrated her painting and meditation skills. The founder and president of Working Together, a business specializing in helping people manage life’s changes in mind, body, and spirit, Ryan has worked as a professional life coach since 1994. See her work at


I stand before you naked
My cuts and wounds revealed
Afraid I might get jaded
Only wanting to be healed

I feel your arms around me
Protecting me from harm
Your words allow my eyes to see
I've fallen for your charm

You shield me like no other
My soul is drawn to yours
My wish is that I smother
In love that time endures

Copyright ©2007 Melinda A. Napoletano
Image Source: Yahoo Images

Thursday, February 22, 2007

says it all very well...

Call Me When You're Sober
by Evanescence

Don't cry to me.
If you loved me, you would be here with me.
You want me, come find me.
Make up your mind.

Should've let you fall,
Lose it all,
So maybe you can remember yourself.

Can't keep believing,
We're only deceiving ourselves,
And I'm sick of the lies,
And you're too late.

Don't cry to me.
If you loved me, you would be here with me.
You want me, come find me.
Make up your mind.

Couldn't take the blame,
Sick with shame.
Must be exhausting to lose your own game.
Selfishly hated,
No wonder you're jaded,
You can't play the victim this time.
And you're too late.

So, don't cry to me.
If you loved me, you would be here with me.
You love me, come find me.
Make up your mind.

You never call me when you're sober,
You only want it 'cause it's over - it's over.

How could I have burned paradise.
How could I, you were never mine?

So, don't cry to me.
If you loved me, you would be here with me.
Don't lie to me, just get your things.
I've made up your mind.

it smells like I am sitting on a giant pile of shit!

I guess everything has to flush out a few more times to get rid of the smell?

plumber been here and gone....

2 men....not bad either one....(one track mind I know)

anyway...they ran that gadget down the main water line clean out......did not take long. I flushed the toilet for them a couple of times....filled the washer a couple of times and let it spin out....

all is well....

he said he fixed it..found what he thinks are flushable wipes or a rag...(of course we NEVER flush those down the toilet...we bag em up in Zip-lock bags and toss em).

Whatever it was...they were pretty black looking like they had been there a long long time...and the smell outside was pretty nasty! It took all of 15 minutes if that.

Course now I need to find a way to get the stinky smell out of my house....and go out and toss clean snow over the yellow and black crappy snow in the front yard and carefully with gloved hands pick up the nasty stuff he found and put it into a bag to toss away later tonight since it is trash night.

YUCKO...why do they put a main water line clean out in your FRONT yard? I know it has to be closer to the main sewer system and such....but wouldn't the SIDE yard suffice and be as close?

anyway.....we are hopeful this will have taken care of the problem. No wonder they charge what they seems like a rather nasty/stinky job!

I do pride myself on one thing. Under 3 feet of snow they wondered where the main access clean out was. I told him....the man walked out into the snow.....I told him when to stop. His partner got the shovel....walked out....they dug. I told him "you're standing on it"....he dug UNDER where his feet had been....

voila....there it was. I was PERFECT/RIGHT ON with my estimation....I guess mowing around it this past summer enough times branded it's location into my memory!

plumbers coming out today....

the landlord is a bit peeved because I am hard to get hold of. (Wow...maybe I actually have a life?)

He DID not understand why he could not reach me this morning...he is using up valuable minutes on his cell from Florida trying to call me. (um...cause I work till 4-5:00 a.m. and I then turn the ringer off my phone so it won't wake me up in the morning when I am trying to sleep which is still only till around 9:30 or 10:00).

oh...he did not know that. (was he supposed to? Does he have to know the daily routines of my life? besides...I have told him...he just cannot remember).

he couldn't get me last night either (wow...I was at the grocery store...I did not know I was to call and let him know ahead of time)

today he addressed me as "melissa"....

I wonder if I could tell him I paid my rent for March and he just forgot?

Wednesday, February 21, 2007

what about me?

I look around, they seem to strut
walking hand in hand
Sneaking a kiss or a pat on the butt
knowing that they can

Why is it whenever you are down
all you see are happy people?
Why it is whenever you are alone
all you see are couples?

Why is it when you have someone
you sometimes wish you didn't?
Why is it when you don't
you always wish you did?

I believe what goes around will come around
I thought I had long ago paid my dues
I would give anything to have someone
Spend a day walking in my shoes

Why don't I have a hand to hold
a butt to pat or a kiss to sneak?
Why have I become a voyeur
where all I do is peek?

Copyright ©2007 Melinda A. Napoletano
Image Source: Yahoo Images

chester said the landlord would ask him if he PLUNGED (the toilet)...I told him to say he did. He wondered what the landlord thought he could...

do for me....that I had not already done and agreed I needed a plumber. He said it would only run him about 60.00 and he would call the landlord and tell I needed a plumber.

Chester was very nice.....did not look overly flu-ish to me....

he kept calling me sweetheart and darlin......which made me feel good...even me now....still attractive to a man perhaps? His eyes did drop to my legs and back up....twice...

no mom....he has a girlfriend.....haha (I know how your mind works!)

holy crap since when do I need affirmation like that>???#$@#$@##

Chester showed.....says the landlord needs to call a plumber.....DUH.....haha

IF you would like to support an end to the Iraq war go one says you have to do it...

Iraq War De-Escalation Act of 2007


This Act may be cited as the `Iraq War De-Escalation Act of 2007'.

(a) Findings- Congress makes the following findings:

(1) Congress and the Nation honor the courage, sacrifices, and efforts of the members of the Armed Forces of the United States and their families.

(2) In his speech to the Nation on January 10, 2007, President George W. Bush said that `I've made it clear to the Prime Minister and Iraq's other leaders that America's commitment is not open-ended. If the Iraqi government does not follow through on its promises, it will lose the support of the American people. . . The Prime Minister understands this'.

(3) In that speech, President George W. Bush also told the Nation that `America will hold the Iraqi government to the benchmarks it has announced. . . [T]o take responsibility for security in all of Iraq's provinces by November. To give every Iraqi citizen a stake in the country's economy, Iraq will pass legislation to share oil revenues among all Iraqis. To show that it is committed to delivering a better life, the Iraqi government will spend $10,000,000,000 of its own money on reconstruction and infrastructure projects that will create new jobs. To empower local leaders, Iraqis plan to hold provincial elections later this year. And to allow more Iraqis to re-enter their nation's political life, the government will reform de-Baathification laws, and establish a fair process for considering amendments to Iraq's constitution'.

(4) In that speech, President George W. Bush also told the Nation that `only Iraqis can end the sectarian violence and secure their people'.

(5) On December 18, 2006, former Secretary of State Colin Powell stated: `[s]o we have tried this surge of troops over the summer. I am not persuaded that another surge of troops in Baghdad for the purpose of suppressing this communitarian violence, this civil war, will work'.

(6) On November 15, 2006, General John Abizaid, Commander of the United States Central Command, stated before the Committee on Armed Services of the Senate that `I met with every divisional commander, General Casey, the corps commander, General Dempsey. We all talked together. And I said, in your professional opinion, if we were to bring in more American troops now, does it add considerably to our ability to achieve success in Iraq? And they all said no. And the reason is, because we want the Iraqis to do more. It's easy for the Iraqis to rely upon us to do this work. I believe that more American forces prevent the Iraqis from doing more, from taking more responsibility for their own future'.

(7) In testimony before the Committee on Foreign Relations of the Senate on January 11, 2007, Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice stated that unless the Government of Iraq has met certain benchmarks and reestablishes the confidence of the Iraqi people over the next several months, `this plan is not going to work'.

(8) In a statement on January 11, 2007, Secretary of Defense Robert Gates stated `[a]nd we will probably have a better view a couple of months from now in terms of whether we are making headway in terms of getting better control of Baghdad, with the Iraqis in the lead and with the Iraqis beginning to make better progress on the reconciliation process'.

(9) The bipartisan Iraq Study Group headed by former Secretary of State James Baker and former Representative Lee Hamilton reached a bipartisan consensus on 79 separate recommendations for a new approach in Iraq. Among those recommendations were calling for a new diplomatic offensive in the region and conditioning American economic assistance to Iraq on specific benchmarks, with the expectation that `by the first quarter of 2008, subject to unexpected developments in the security situation on the ground, all combat brigades not necessary for force protection could be out of Iraq'.

(10) In reaction to the speech of President George W. Bush of January 10, 2007, former Secretary of State Baker and former Representative Hamilton wrote that `[t]he President did not suggest the possibility of a transition that could enable U.S. combat forces to begin to leave Iraq. The President did not state that political, military, or economic support for Iraq would be conditional on the Iraq government's ability to meet benchmarks. Within the region, the President did not announce an international support group for Iraq including all of Iraq's neighbors. . .'.

(b) Purposes- The purposes of this Act are as follows:

(1) To formulate and provide for the implementation of an effective United States policy towards Iraq and the Middle East region that employs military, political, diplomatic, and economic assets to promote and protect the national security interests of the United States.

(2) To provide for the implementation of a responsible, phased redeployment of the Armed Forces of the United States from Iraq in a substantial and gradual manner that places the highest priority on protecting the lives of members of the Armed Forces and civilian personnel of the United States and on promoting the national security interests of the United States in the Middle East region.

(3) To urge the political parties and leaders of Iraq to reach the political solution necessary to promote stability in Iraq and enhance the safety of innocent Iraqi civilians.

(4) To condition future economic assistance to the Government of Iraq on significant progress toward the achievement of political and economic measures to be taken by the Government of Iraq.

(5) To provide for the initiation of a wider and sustained diplomatic strategy aimed at promoting a political settlement in Iraq, thereby ending the civil war in Iraq, preventing a humanitarian catastrophe in Iraq, and preventing a wider regional conflict.

(6) To provide, through sections 4 through 7, for the implementation of key recommendations of the Iraq Study Group, a bipartisan panel of experts co-chaired by former Secretary of State James Baker and former Representative Lee Hamilton.

Notwithstanding any other provision of law, the levels of the Armed Forces of the United States in Iraq after the date of the enactment of this Act shall not exceed the levels of such forces in Iraq as of January 10, 2007, without specific authority in statute enacted by Congress after the date of the enactment of this Act.

(a) Redeployment-

(1) DEADLINE FOR COMMENCEMENT OF REDEPLOYMENT- Except as otherwise provided in this section, the phased redeployment of the Armed Forces of the United States from Iraq shall commence not later than May 1, 2007.

(2) SCOPE AND MANNER OF REDEPLOYMENT- The redeployment of the Armed Forces under this section shall be substantial, shall occur in a gradual manner, and shall be executed at a pace to achieve the goal of the complete redeployment of all United States combat brigades from Iraq by March 31, 2008, consistent with the expectation of the Iraq Study Group, if all the matters set forth in subsection (b)(1)(B) are not met by such date, subject to the exceptions for retention of forces for force protection, counter-terrorism operations, training of Iraqi forces, and other purposes as contemplated by subsection (g).

(3) FORMULATION OF PLAN WITH MILITARY COMMANDERS- The redeployment of the Armed Forces under this section should be conducted pursuant to a plan formulated by United States military commanders that is developed, if practicable, in consultation with the Government of Iraq.

(4) PROTECTION OF UNITED STATES FORCES AND CIVILIAN PERSONNEL- In carrying out the redeployment of the Armed Forces under this section, the highest priority shall be afforded to the safety of members of the Armed Forces and civilian personnel of the United States in Iraq.

(b) Suspension of Redeployment-

(1) IN GENERAL- The President may suspend, on a temporary basis as provided in paragraph (2), the redeployment of the Armed Forces under this section if the President certifies to the President pro tempore of the Senate and the Speaker of the House of Representatives that--

(A) doing so is in the national security interests of the United States; and

(B) the Government of Iraq--

(i) has lifted all restrictions concerning non-interference in operations of the Armed Forces of the United States in Iraq and does so on a continuing basis;

(ii) is making significant progress in reducing sectarian violence in Iraq and in reducing the size and operational effectiveness of sectarian militias in Iraq;

(iii) is making significant progress towards removing militia elements from the Iraqi Army, National Police, Facilities Protection Services, and other security forces of the Government of Iraq;

(iv) has enacted legislation or established other binding mechanisms to ensure the sharing of all Iraqi oil revenues among all segments of Iraqi society in an equitable manner;

(v) is making significant progress towards making available not less than $10,000,000,000 for reconstruction, job creation, and economic development in Iraq, with safeguards to prevent corruption, by January 10, 2008;

(vi) has deployed at least 18 Iraqi Army and National Police brigades to Baghdad and is effectively ensuring that such units are performing their security and police functions in all Baghdad neighborhoods, regardless of their sectarian composition;

(vii) has enacted legislation or established other binding mechanisms to revise its de-Baathification laws to encourage the employment in the Government of Iraq of qualified Iraqi professionals, irrespective of ethnic or political affiliation, including ex-Baathists who were not leading figures of the Saddam Hussein regime;

(viii) has established a fair process for considering amendments to the constitution of Iraq that promote lasting national reconciliation in Iraq;

(ix) is making significant progress towards assuming full responsibility for security in all the provinces of Iraq by November 30, 2007;

(x) is making significant progress towards holding free and fair provincial elections in Iraq at the earliest date practicable, but not later than December 31, 2007;

(xi) is making substantial progress towards increasing the size and effectiveness of Ministry of Defense forces as described on page 11 of `Highlights of the Iraq Strategy Review' published by the National Security Council in January 2007;

(xii) is making significant progress in reforming and strengthening the civilian ministries and other government institutions that support the Iraqi Army and National Police; and

(xiii) is making significant progress towards reforming its civilian ministries to ensure that they are not administered on a sectarian basis and that government services are delivered in an even-handed and non-sectarian manner.

(2) PERIOD OF SUSPENSION- A suspension of the redeployment of the Armed Forces under this subsection, including any renewal of the suspension under paragraph (3), shall be for a period not to exceed 90 days.

(3) RENEWAL- A suspension of the redeployment of the Armed Forces under this subsection may be renewed. Any such renewal shall include a certification to the officers referred to in paragraph (1) on the matters set forth in clauses (i) through (xiii) of subparagraph (B) of that paragraph.

(c) Disapproval of Suspension-

(1) DISAPPROVAL- If Congress enacts a joint resolution disapproving the suspension of the redeployment of the Armed Forces under subsection (b), or any renewal of the suspension, the suspension shall be discontinued, and the redeployment of the Armed Forces from Iraq under this section shall resume.


(A) JOINT RESOLUTION DEFINED- For purposes of this subsection, the term `joint resolution' means only a joint resolution introduced not later than 10 days after the date on which a certification of the President under subsection (b) is received by Congress, the matter after the resolving clause of which is as follows: `That Congress disapproves the certification of the President submitted to Congress under section 4(b) of the Iraq War De-Escalation Act of 2007, on XXXXXXX.', the blank space being filled in with the appropriate date.

(B) PROCEDURES- A joint resolution described in paragraph (1) shall be considered in a House of Congress in accordance with the procedures applicable to joint resolutions under paragraphs (3) through (8) of section 8066(c) of the Department of Defense Appropriations Act, 1985 (as enacted by section 101(h) of Public Law 98-473; 98 Stat. 1936).

(d) Reports to Congress-

(1) IN GENERAL- Not later than 90 days after the date of the enactment of this Act, and every 90 days thereafter, the President shall submit to the President pro tempore of the Senate and the Speaker of the House of Representatives a report describing and assessing--

(A) the progress made by the Government of Iraq on each of the matters set forth in subsection (b)(1)(B); and

(B) the progress of the redeployment required by subsection (a).

(2) FORM- Each report under this subsection shall be submitted in unclassified form, but may include a classified annex.

(e) Sense of Congress on Location of Redeployment- It is the sense of Congress that, in redeploying the Armed Forces from Iraq under this section, appropriate units of the Armed Forces should be redeployed--

(1) to the United States;

(2) to Afghanistan, in order to enhance United States military operations in that country;

(3) elsewhere in the region, to serve as an over-the-horizon force to prevent the conflict in Iraq from becoming a wider war, to reassure allies of the United States of the commitment of the United States to remain engaged in the region, and to position troops to strike directly at al-Qaeda; and

(4) elsewhere, to meet urgent United States security needs.

(f) Political Solution in Iraq- The United States should use the redeployment of the Armed Forces under this section, and the possible suspension of such redeployment if the benchmarks set forth in subsection (b) are met, as a tool to press the Iraqi leaders to promote national reconciliation among ethnic and religious groups in Iraq in order to establish stability in Iraq.

(g) Retention of Certain Forces in Iraq-

(1) IN GENERAL- Notwithstanding the requirement for the redeployment of the Armed Forces under subsection (a) and subject to the provisions of this subsection, personnel of the Armed Forces of the United States may be in Iraq after the completion of the redeployment of the Armed Forces under this section for the following purposes:

(A) To protect United States personnel and facilities in Iraq.

(B) To conduct targeted counter-terrorism operations.

(C) To provide training for Iraqi security forces.

(D) To conduct the routine functions of the Office of Defense Attache.

(2) CERTIFICATION- Personnel of the Armed Forces may not be retained in Iraq under this subsection unless the President certifies to the President pro tempore of the Senate and the Speaker of the House of Representatives that--

(A) the retention of the Armed Forces in Iraq is necessary for one or more of the purposes set forth in paragraph (1); and

(B) the utilization of Armed Forces positioned outside Iraq could not result in the effective achievement of such purpose or purposes.

(3) DISAPPROVAL OF RETENTION- If Congress enacts a joint resolution disapproving the retention of personnel of the Armed Forces in Iraq under this subsection, or any renewal of the retention, the retention of such personnel in Iraq shall be discontinued, and such personnel shall be redeployed from Iraq.


(A) JOINT RESOLUTION DEFINED- For purposes of paragraph (3), the term `joint resolution' means only a joint resolution introduced not later than 10 days after the date on which a certification of the President under paragraph (2) is received by Congress, the matter after the resolving clause of which is as follows: `That Congress disapproves the certification of the President submitted to Congress under section 4(g)(2) of the Iraq War De-Escalation Act of 2007, on XXXXXXX.', the blank space being filled in with the appropriate date.

(B) PROCEDURES- A joint resolution described in subparagraph (A) shall be considered in a House of Congress in accordance with the procedures applicable to joint resolutions under paragraphs (3) through (8) of section 8066(c) of the Department of Defense Appropriations Act, 1985 (as enacted by section 101(h) of Public Law 98-473; 98 Stat. 1936).

(h) No Permanent Bases- Congress hereby reaffirms section 1519 of the John Warner National Defense Authorization Act for Fiscal Year 2007 (Public Law 109-364; 120 Stat. 2444), and related provisions of law, that prohibit the establishment of military installations or bases for the purpose of providing for the permanent stationing of United States Armed Forces in Iraq.

It shall be the policy of the United States to immediately formulate and implement a plan that--

(1) with the Government of Iraq--

(A) removes militia elements from the Iraqi Army, National Police, and other security forces of the Government of Iraq; and

(B) puts such forces in charge of maintaining security in Iraq;

(2) focuses and intensifies United States efforts on training such forces; and

(3) presses the Government of Iraq to reform the civilian ministries and other government institutions that support the Iraqi Army, National Police, local police, and judicial system.

(a) Limitation- Except as provided in subsection (b), after May 1, 2007, economic assistance may be furnished to the Government of Iraq only if the President submits to the President pro tempore of the Senate and the Speaker of the House of Representatives a certification that the Government of Iraq--

(1) is making measurable progress toward providing not less than $10,000,000,000 of Iraqi funds for reconstruction, job creation, and economic development in Iraq, with safeguards to prevent corruption, by January 10, 2008;

(2) is making progress toward meeting the conditions set forth in the International Compact for Iraq and in the stand-by agreement with the International Monetary Fund; and

(3) is making progress toward reducing sectarian violence and promoting national reconciliation.

(b) Exceptions- The limitation in subsection (a) shall not apply to assistance for Iraq as follows:

(1) Humanitarian assistance.

(2) Assistance to address urgent security and employment needs.

(c) Assessment of Progress- Not later than 90 days after the date of the enactment of this Act, and every 90 days thereafter, the Special Inspector General for Iraq Reconstruction shall submit to Congress a report describing the progress of the Government of Iraq on each matter set forth in subsection (a).

Paid for by Obama for America


that's it!!

I got my scales out today. One of those many things I have put off doing for a long time.....sorta the same feeling you get when it is time to sit down and pay your bills and such. A little apprehensive...something you don't want to do.

I was doing well this past year.....and somewhere along the way I got depressed and slacked off.

WELL NO FREAKIN more!! I got my damn scales out and weighed myself and LEFT the scales out where I will see them every freakin day. I am NOT going to eat CRAP anymore because that only makes my body look and feel like crap and there is a Melinda inside here FUCKING screaming to be let back out. I am responsible for taking care of myself....something I used to pride myself on. Somewhere along the way I let MELINDA die. I am done with that fucking shit!

SO......good food...PLENTY of shit....I am done with all that. Things are going to be changing and changing very quickly!

My Gazelle is coming back out of the closet to stay (unless I have company and I can slide it back in there) remains out. Noah even likes to use it.

I am determined...and anyone who knows me well enough knows once I get to this point...there will BE NO FREAKING STOPPING ME.

so look out......cause MELINDA will be coming back out very soon dammit!!

maybe the landlord reads my blog because Chester has made a miraculous recovery and will be out today!

handyman Chester has the no plumbing issues will be fixed today.....or tomorrow for that matter...he has to get better first


powered by ODEO
I am amazed at how blind one can be
What one cannot ... or refuses to see
Holding your head up so high must get tiring
I don't know but maybe you've got special wiring

You continue to go forth in your daily routine
Looking down on most others, which I think is quite mean
Refusing to see what is obvious to all
You snort and you gloat and you put up that wall

You honestly think it's not you spoken of
It couldn't possibly be, so you give it a shove
Right off of your back and out of your sight
Not beginning to realize your perilous plight

Another day passes and another day more
You find yourself still pacing that floor
Wondering out loud to all who will listen
Who's fault could it be? Not you, you have risen

Too far above us to see it as clearly
Something so close that you hold so dearly
Perhaps you should look a little bit nearer
Or better yet, go downtown and buy a damn mirror.

Copyright ©2007 Melinda A. Napoletano

Tuesday, February 20, 2007

continued plumbing issues...

so today I decided to do a load of laundry....knowing full well as the water would spin out it would back up into my tub. I forgot it also backs up into the toilet and it will overflow if you are not in there to make sure it does not. Thankfully I was standing there.

this is for the birds. I called the landlord back who is now back in Florida. I asked him "were you ever going to send someone over to check the plumbing problems?" His response:

"I DID NOT KNOW I WAS SUPPOSED TO." followed by giggling. WTF????

I reminded him of our last phone conversation about 10 days ago? 2 weeks? on a Friday night when the tub and toilet were both overflowing and how he had said he would be by the next day with someone to check it out. OR send a plumber on MONDAY. NONE of those things ever happened. I have made do since....trying to time taking a shower or giving Noah a bath or doing small loads of laundry and flushing ever since. It is impossible. The water always gets backed up......we always end up with the same problems. I have plunged....I have used Liquid Plumber...this is a much more serious problem I think than that. One probably requiring a snake or something else.

On a good note, Noah woke me up saying his upper side tooth was so loose he wanted me to pull it out! I DID! YEAH! NOW if we can remove the other 4 loose teeth in his mouth, especially his top front teeth we will be good to go!

Not sure how I will finish the laundry. EVEN if I do it will take all day for the tub to drain out. That means weird toileting till then....

and such is my life for now...

Monday, February 19, 2007


Rump roast, mashed potatoes, and gravy on Sundays, every Sunday...
...because it's always been that way

Looking to try something new.....always looking...
...yet buying the same stuff

Fixing it time and time again, going to bed thinking...
...maybe tomorrow will be different

But tomorrow get busy... and forget

The carambola you've never tasted...
The trip you've never taken...
The call you've never made...
The chance you were afraid of...
The life you could have had...

So you keep on rocking... thinking and rocking
Till you become too old to move the chair

Copyright ©2007 Melinda A. Napoletano
Image Source: Gil Marosi - Rocking Chair

monday....president's day...

Melissa called and invited me and Noah over to visit and a movie. Of course everything that could happen to prevent me from getting there did. I had taken a shower this morning and of course since the plumbing issue is not yet fixed.....before I left the toilet was almost overflowing....because the water in the drain was backed up again. So it took me awhile to get that under control. So that made us late for our original movie start time. We changed it. The back route to her house was a little to be desired on our it took longer to get there and we had to change the movie time again. Maybe we should have taken all those things as indications to skip the movie. Noah got to see a train and play with Audrey and had more fun with just that than the movie. He had a trying day today where a lot of things just made him want to whine and cry.

BUT...the movie was Bridge to Terabithia and we had expected a lot of special effects....where the kids spent a LOT of time in Terabithia. I have not read the book before......and I am not sure now that I would though the book looks a lot better than the movie was. The movie was okay but extremely long and drawn out. It was one of those where you keep sitting there asking yourself "when will it get to the good parts?" I was hoping to see a movie where I could escape reality for a couple of hours. Well...that never happened. I would give the movie a

Well...the "good parts" are very brief and fleeting and to be honest the trailer you have seen on TV is the best part......and the ending. actually was a bit depressing of a movie.....and rather long and tedious for kids......well.....even for adults.

I did see a man holding a woman in his lap......they were snuggled up so nice and cozy together watching that movie. He had nice arms wrapped around her.....(yeah so I watched more of them than the movie). made me just wish I had that......and of course I don' was tough.

BUT.......lucky her! What a way to see a movie.......curled up in the nice big arms of a man you obviously love! I want that for me .......I will have that one day.......damnit

a nice big man too....

seclusion in blue

The silence is so still, so soft, so subtle...
Yet it deafens my ears with its screams

The isolation is obscure, invisible, faint...
Yet it chokes my last breath as I draw it

The desire is intense, passionate, overpowering...
Yet lies idle at my feet like an old dog

Waiting to be petted...




Copyright ©2007 Melinda A. Napoletano
Image Source: Yahoo Images

Sunday, February 18, 2007

loneliness and depression...a continuing lesson

I can understand loneliness and depression. If they gave out a degree in the course I would most certainly be awarded top honors. As I sit here typing in the seclusion of my room, mug of coffee at my side, still in my pajamas, white bright light is trying to burst through my drawn blinds. Outside the house is surrounded by a wintery blizzard dumping of snow, making it difficult to even open my front door. Winter, isolation, seclusion, aloneness, depression. I see a most familiar pattern emerging. Oh I forgot could I forget restlessness?

Today seems especially futile to me. That feeling scares me to death. It reminds me of how I felt when I attempted suicide years ago. No, I do not want to kill myself or die now. But, the way you can feel, which can lead to action is what I have been fighting off recently. It is exhausting. The inner emotional turmoil and tricks the voices in your head try to play against each other are probably about as close to madness as one can get without actually being mad. No, I am not schizophrenic. I am talking about those inner voices we all have, that we replay over and over and over again in our minds each and every day. Thousands of repetitions of unfortunately, usually negative thoughts. I wonder why that is. Why does it seem to be so easy for your inner voice to repeat negative phrases to you to knock your own self worth than positive affirmations? It takes great effort to be able to repeat positive phrases to oneself over and over on any given day. It is a conscious effort, whereas the other negative thoughts just seem to ramble at whim very freely.

I have done nothing lately but deep, intense self-reflection. I guess that happens a lot during winter when there is little else one can do. I have looked at my life as it was, as it is now, and what it might be like one day in the future. I do not wonder how I got to the point where I am now because I already know. I have realized I currently live a very isolated life with does not help loneliness or depression. In fact, they all feed voraciously off each other, creating a huge snowball effect, which enhances their powers over you.

It is strange sometimes to see how I react when I am alone. I used to crave being alone....could not wait to move out on my own and live alone. Funny, when you are finally alone, you usually end up not wanting to be, because you suddenly realize just how alone you really are.

Some would say I am not alone because I have a son. Well my son for the most part prefers staying in his own world better than sometimes being in mine. I can't say I blame him. His world has a gloriously controlled environment. Nothing there is unpredictable. He is surrounded only by things that make him happy and keep him calm. So while he is here, unless I step into his world or drag him out of his into mine, we live together yet separate in many ways.

I had a pizza delivered last night for my son for supper, and while I am friendly, I also realized I must really be semi-desperately lonely, to want to strike up a fairly long conversation with the delivery man. As I watched him drive away I could have almost cried. How freaking sick is that? It reminded me of my mother and how "friendly" and "talkative" she always seemed to be, even to complete strangers when we were growing up. Looking back on it now I have to wonder if she did that because she herself was lonely? Was she depressed with her life? I know she did not and could not talk to my dad about things. They just did not ever seem to have that type of relationship. Was she starving for companionship surrounded by a husband and 5 children? If so, that is intense loneliness at its best. So it is very possible to be surrounded by people and still remain very much alone.

As I sat at the kitchen table eating my own supper while my son was in his room eating his, I was slapped again with the realization of just how "alone" I was. I find it interesting that the older I get the more frightening or disturbing that seems to become to me. I am puzzled by that. It is not that I do not like my own company. I do. But I am a sharer. Most things in my life just seem to hold little enjoyment or meaning unless I can actually share them with someone else. As with most humans, I too long for the actual presence of another. Sharing a meal, great conversation over a steaming mug of coffee, an article, movie, our thoughts, dreams, desires, hopes, fears, would be huge. I have also realized the friends I had before don't seem to be free anymore. I know everyone can get busy with their own lives. But I miss having someone I can call up to talk with or invite over for dinner and a chat or for a cookout and afterwards just sitting outside well into the dark listening to the crickets chirp as the moon and stars shine overhead. And let's not even get started on the lost intimate aspects associated with loneliness.

Sure I could do what most of us do during times like these. I could turn on the TV and let the muffled voices play endlessly in the background like white noise, but at some point I will have to turn the TV off, and the silence is then only more deafening and noticeable. I could escape into a good book, but eventually the book has an ending. I could do many things, but eventually I would still have to go home at night, and face myself being alone again. Why is that so scary for me now?

I am a woman and of course we need to have our famous "circles" where we can sit for hours and talk with other women (or men) about the same things over and over again, until suddenly we realize we "feel better." We do not talk to get anything actually fixed. This is why it is extremely difficult for a man to be part of this circle. They are fixers. They will listen to a point before they no longer hear any actual words coming out of your mouth. They fall into an almost trance-like state where they have turned your voice off and no longer hear you, because they just want to "fix" whatever is wrong. They are already busy working on a solution. Us women do not always want something to necessarily be fixed....we just have to talk about it endlessly, sometimes for hours at a time, going from point A all the way through the alphabet to point Z, before arriving back to point A again, and then we are done with it. We have released it. We can let it go.

I no longer have that. I have not had that for over 20 years. It is no wonder I have so many thoughts racing through my head. I am working hard on becoming more like a man in my thinking and not having to actually "work the circle" or at least being able to work it in a faster fashion, but I fail miserably. Why? Because I am very much a woman. The best I can do is hope for a man who will be more than willing to just listen to me ramble on until I can complete the circle. Or at least be good at faking it.

My writing is one way I have discovered I can obtain some sense of relief. Paper is my friend and the letters being spilled forth into words become my voice. When my thoughts and emotions are overflowing, about to burst from the dams in my brain, I sit down and write. It flows. It is easy. It is natural. It is soothing. It is my friend. It is always there...always present....always willing and ready to listen. It does not need to fix anything for me. It is just there. Present.

Presence. Presents. I think having the presence of someone beside you is indeed the best present one can give to oneself.

Copyright ©2007 Melinda A. Napoletano
Image Source: Yahoo Images