Surrounded By Mud...

Surrounded by Mud

Sometimes don't you just want to scream?
so loud it shakes the roots of your soul to life...
free from all the clotted dirt stagnating its growth
when you are torn between not giving a crap
and giving too much
knowing what you should do
yet being too tired to do any of it
feelings...it is about that isn't it?
feelings...
wanting to let them out
but stifling them instead
shoving them back down into silence where they are temporarily suffocated once again
buried beneath another pile of clotted dirt
beneath the chips or chocolate or 25 Oreos you just ate
and you wonder why it feels like you can't stop
and why it feels like you are never full
and why you have allowed yourself to become unrecognizable
like a bombastic, bloated slug, barely able to move
and why that scream always resurfaces and wants to be let out
so loud it shakes the roots of your soul to life
free from all the clotted dirt stagnating its growth
only to discover...it's surrounded by mud



Copyright ©2012 man/Sipping The Vast Spring

Illusions...to dust...to vapor...

I spent years envisioning you
an imaginary you
until this past year
when I realized
once again I have been fooled
purposefully conned
diligently deceived

I never knew you at all
you were only what I thought you were
or thought you could be
hoped you might be
but never were
never could be

you were a mere illusion
a dream
purporting to be so big
so voluminous
so perfect

but in reality
so little
so minute
so flawed

so deficient

your vanity encompassed you
smothered you
instead of adding to your power and morality
your enormity
your strength
it paralyzed you
reducing you to a molehill

in my mind's eye you have become decrepit
incapacitated
passive
prostrate
impotent

you are so small
I can no longer see you
or any portion of you
not your imaginary eyes
or your imaginary heart
I no longer hear your imaginary words
or feel your imaginary longings

my incredulity has turned me into a crag
my skepticism into a scoffer
my cynicism into sarcasm

I am slightly Siberian
a bit frosty
almost apathetic
barely breathing
appropriately anesthetized

I complete the motions of my days and nights
I move forward not looking back
my brain rousing from its slumber
engorged with enlightenment
like a water balloon about to bust

meanwhile your brain
and everything you thought you were
lies shriveled at my feet
the size of a grain of sand
mere dust that I easily blow away

Copyright ©2011 man and Sipping The Vast Spring

Creative Every Day Challenge 2009......using words

Be still and know....
plays over and over in my thoughts
images of my body flash in my mind's eye
different from what I see in the mirror

Be still and know....
flesh on top of flesh
skin that has been present for a lifetime
overlapping in new areas
allowed to stretch wide as a blanket
used as a shawl to cover my arms
as a lap warmer on my belly and thighs

Be still and know...
I am hot and want to throw back the covers
yet they cannot be loosed...
they have become like super glue
no amount of kicking or tantrums
does anything but shift the weight

Be still and know...
My feet feel like cement blocks
barely able to shuffle across the floor
I am hidden from all eyes
No one can see me now

Be still and know...
I am protected....yet naked
I have created a barrier....yet feel exposed
I have shut out all....yet crave another
I can breathe.....yet I am smothered

Copyright ©2009 man

right now...

My skin aches to be pressed against yours

Tight

With no room to breathe

Like a wet suit waiting to be put on

By you

Your fingers tugging at my zipper

Sliding me up across your thighs

Hot

Your hands sear my skin

You bring me to your hips

Where I rest for a moment

Savoring the glide

Up across your navel

I wrap myself around your waist

Where you allow me to hang for awhile

And with every breath you take

I rise....and fall......then rise again

Copyright ©2008 man and Sipping The Vast Spring

it's Monday and my head feels all muddy....

It feels slow.
Like I cannot process anything.
Like it doesn't want to process anything.
Like it along with my body could sleep all day.
I feel like I want to hibernate.
Like my mind is filled with sludge.
I don't like to feel this way.
I think I could stare off into space and think of absolutely......nothing.
Because all my thoughts and "to-do" lists in my mind have pooled together...
and are now an expanse of nothingness.
Like ink spilled upon paper...they are soaking in my brain...
but too deeply now...they have become saturated and are now pickled.
I am a zombie.
You can see it in my eyes.
The lack of facial expression.
The drugged appearance and sluggishness.
My body feels like a piece of granite.
Impossible to move.
Everything seems like too much effort.
Each of my thoughts has become another shovelful of dirt...
that has buried me.
I feel like I could suffocate.
Not wanting to panic...
I shove my fingers into the mud.
I hold fast but cannot dog paddle.
I am in quicksand and if I move I only sink deeper.
So I rest...
I savor the stillness and unplug my brain.
I shut down and turn off.
I go into screensaver mode...
and allow my thoughts and dreams and wishes and desires and images and to-do lists
to slowly appear, disappear, and reappear across my mind's eye.
Playing in the background.
Being acknowledged only by my subconscious mind.
As I wait for someone to come bump my keyboard.
And wake me up.

Copyright ©2008 man

truth....

associated with betrayal
and abuse of trust
is one of the worst kinds

why do we desire the truth
seek the truth
want the truth
to set us free

when it is that same truth
which can harden our hearts
and cause doubt and fear

upon its revelation
one might feel as if
their stomach was being ripped from within

it doubles you over with dry heaves
soon followed by an intense heartache
and massive overflow of tears

our fight or flight takes over
and we swiftly paddle for life
our sinking ships into a river of denial

for we long ago learned
we had the ability
to create our own reality
and choose to believe
anything we wished

when truth is too painful
or becomes too unbearable a burden
we pretend it is no longer the truth
and we proceed to sugar coat it with our favorite candied toppings
to make it more palatable
much easier for us to swallow

but it never makes it easier for one to live with oneself
because that same truth
is always present
never falters
always resurfaces
again and again

till we no longer have a choice
but to see it
for what it truly is
like it...or not

Copyright ©2008 man

flying toward you...

I keep my eyes focused
even at this distance I can see
all you are meant to be
and all we shall become
like a moth to a flame
my wings push onward
aching to brush against yours
the brilliance reflected from your heart
causes my eyes to tear
your warmth a familiar spot
I long to lie my weary head
and rest my thirsty soul


Copyright ©2008 man

I wait...

Wound up tighter than a rubber-banded balsa airplane
Wanting to take flight long before fingers release me
Edging ever closer to a false start
I wait

Some days I feel I will explode
With too many churning emotions inside my mind and body
Making me seasick with desire and longing,
frustration, then anger

My lungs want to burst out screaming
My legs want to run
My body has to move, do anything
To burn off this intensity

Right now I imagine
I could easily supply enough energy
To fuel a power grid for an entire city

My heart pounds as my blood
Forcefully flows through my veins
I swear I feel it bubbling
As it boils beneath my skin

I am screaming for release
I am yelling for "at last!"
I am crying with frustration

I am ready to receive


Copyright ©2008 man and Sipping The Vast Spring

Why?

Why is it we tend to hoard old, paid bills and receipts, all sorts of paperwork
Saying we will file it away one day but then never find the time?
The same for items we have accumulated over time that we probably will never use again
We tuck those once-believed treasures down into boxes
Saying we will go through them on a rainy day
Sort and sift....maybe have a garage sale
Or get a filing system and really organize our crap
Yet everything lies idle in those boxes
And on our tables
And around our work space
Crowding us
Trying to suffocate us
Like weighted monkeys on our backs they nag and nag
Screeching for our attention
Yet we do everything in our power to push it all aside and ignore it.
Saving it for tomorrow.
But tomorrows never come
Unless they are forced upon us by circumstances beyond our choosing
Only then are fires lit under our asses to make us move
Only then does it seem we accomplish much in a short period of time

What are we afraid of?
Finally having the free time we were always screaming we never seemed to have?
Realizing perhaps we don't have as much to do with our time as we once believed we would?
What lies behind your closed doors?
Not only in your house
But within your mind
And your soul?
Don't you sometimes wish you had a giant sweeper you could plug yourself into
That with the flip of a switch
Could suck out all the dust and cobwebs from all those nooks and crannies?
All the junk you have fast-fed your brain over time
Performing elite liposuctioning of your brain?

The days start moving so fast they make you dizzy
The months spin past your eyes with each glance
You realized halfway through
It would have been so much easier to have kept up with the pace all along
Instead of trying to play catch up many years later
The perpetual piles continue to build
And you start to wonder if you will ever gain control again
Or if the piles will become giant soul-seeking blobs
Consuming all your time
All your energy
All your drive
Your focus
You

Copyright ©2007 man&SippingTheVastSpring

The envelope...

I looked down at the envelope

Gazing at the ink your hands had placed upon it

My heart racing with excitement

I reached down and touched each formed letter

As if by osmosis my fingers could become entwined with yours

As I turned the envelope over, I thought about the seal

Did you lick it before pressing it shut?

To imagine I was holding in my grasp

Any object your hands let alone your tongue had touched

Was almost too much for me to fathom

I grew quite heady just thinking about it all

I pressed the seal to my nose and deeply breathed in

Hoping I could smell the scent of the gum you chew

I gently broke the seal

Carefully

So as not to damage the remnants of leftover glue still present

I brought it to my own tongue

And I licked it

Slowly

Gingerly

With my eyes closed

And I swear I could feel your tongue

And taste the flavor of your gum

As tears spilled forth from my eyes onto my cheeks

My soul longing to be next to yours.

Copyright ©2007 man&SippingTheVastSpring

Silence...

It's not that words are not revolving within my head

On an endless merry-go-round they twirl about

The ride never ends but continues to spin

Day in, day out

Into the darkest hours of night

Sorting them out seems troublesome

Sometimes so overwhelming a task, I choose to not even bother

Instead I allow the merry-go-round

To continue its journey

Its endless motion

Round and round it goes

Spinning, making me dizzy with thoughts

Words mixed up, jumbled together

Forming partial sentences

Making little sense

I recognize the fact that I have all the words up there

But choosing the correct ones and correct order seems impossible

I can find one or two...but the third and fourth escape my grasp

They choose instead to continue their own ride

Spinning round and round in my head

Focusing long enough to capture a complete thought

Without it being intercepted with other thoughts

Seems too exhausting

So I don't even bother

Instead I sit

My head a swirling, twirling mishmash

Of words and thoughts unspoken

Copyright ©2007 man&SippingTheVastSpring

One of Pavlov's dogs....

Your voice is so soothing to my soul

My heart's rhythm swoons with sweet sighs

And skipped beats

Whenever you speak

Thoughts of you

Turn me into one of Pavlov's dogs

Your voice is the bell

Which upon hearing

Instinctively causes me to drool

Though not from my mouth

I become like a bitch in heat

Hot, sticky sweet with sweat

Pacing the room, running myself ragged

My body screaming to be rubbing against yours

My flesh upon your flesh

My mouth upon your mouth

My tongue upon your tongue

My breaths becoming your gasps

Copyright ©2007 man&SippingTheVastSpring

I want to paint you...

With my fingers...

As I close my eyes and move my hands

Across your body

Feeling the ripples in your muscles

And squeezing your hardness


I want to paint you


With my tongue...

As I trace an outline

Of every inch of your body

Taking time to rest

On all your pleasure points

And tease them with the tip of my tongue


I want to paint you


With my lips...

Kissing your neck

Your chest, your stomach, your thighs

Caressing your skin with my softness


I want to paint you


With my pussy...

Using your body as my canvas

And my wetness as the paint

I create powerful, rhythmic strokes

Brushing again and again

Until together we surrender and paint a masterpiece


Copyright ©2007 man&SippingTheVastSpring

Crickets outside my window...

As the hands of the clock approach the midnight hour

My eyes gaze upon the flickering flames of a candle

My ears hear only what sounds like a million crickets

All chirping together in perfect rhythm outside my window

A breeze gently blows the curtains back across my naked skin

And the softness makes me catch my breath

My longing for you is intense tonight

It fills my eyes with stinging tears

It makes my throat tight and my heart heavy

How I wish I could turn around and crawl into bed with you

To lie beside you and softly speak about our day

How I wish these curtains caressing my skin

Were your hands

And the dripping wax from the flame of my candle

Our bodies melting and molding together as one

As we match the rhythm of the crickets outside my window

Sharing the secrets of each other's body

Until our eyes grow heavy with sleep

And our bodies give out from exhaustion

Copyright ©2007 man&SippingTheVastSpring

Image Source: Yahoo Images

trust is shit...

One advantage of being a woman...
I am a lot smarter than most will ever realize

Does one honestly think for one minute
That what they display on the outside
To try to fool me into believing whatever absurdity
they currently choose
(Like how I can trust them completely)
Yet behind my back continue dabbling in other honey pots
Is something that goes unnoticed from my all-seeing eyes?

If I play "dumb" does it make one feel
as if they are getting away with it?
Superior in some psychotic way...the ultimate "player?"
A winner?

I wonder why one feels it necessary to cast a fishing line for many
Are they saving for a rainy day? For a "just in case" scenario?
Is my constant stroking of their ego not enough?
Are they an ego stroking junkie....constantly seeking the next fix?

Does one truly believe my persona going near-totally ignored
By the one expressing undying love
Would ultimately make me feel as if they were the least bit truly interested
In me?

I laugh out loud at the sheer madness of it all
That someone who professes such love
Could be so blind as to not see
All that stands before them
Waiting only to be genuinely noticed

I grow tired of the antics and back flips I've mastered
Trying to draw attention for even a moment
In my direction
Yet even when I succeed.....I have to ask myself
"Is it genuine?"

Why is it one can trust me
Yet feel perhaps I cannot trust them?
Why do little white lies seem only "stretching the truth" in their minds
Because they have convinced themselves to believe it is still "truth?"

We all know they are the first to boast they are not a liar
They have nothing to hide
They are not doing anything even remotely inappropriate

That seems to be a bit hypocritical to me
And yet the blindfolds come out
The game continues
Even if we grow weary of playing
We choose to see only what we choose to see
Ignoring all other bites of reality
Hovering in our peripheral vision.

Most do a pretty good job
At convincing another they are completely trustworthy
Yet in reality they fall short
Along the way they change the rules
To benefit only them

What was once shared is taken away and becomes hidden
Tucked down inside a pocket that fits only their hands
Done perhaps they espouse "to protect" another.....
Because everyone knows what the other does not know won't hurt them right?

Or maybe it is done to "avoid" stirring up conflicts
Not realizing they are simmering a potful

All these things ultimately become "secretive" all over again
One does not feel they can share "all" with another

In the end this makes their trust mean shit.

Copyright ©2007 man&SippingTheVastSpring

The end of the day...

The end of the day....

Right before bedtime, is the hardest for me.

It's when I miss you the most

And I wish you were here or I there

I pretend I am your pillow or mattress

And imagine what it would be like to feel your full body weight

Lying on top of me

Your movement creating contours in my being



I think about you during the day

Most hours spent wishing I were your pencils

Feeling the caress of your fingers wrapped tightly around me

Holding me securely yet carefully

Creating gentle strokes across your paper in brilliant colors



I sometimes wish I were your cat

Able to lie across your chest purring my delight

Flicking my tail across your skin

As your hands rhythmically pet and coax



Or the lemons you eat

The rush they must feel

As you grasp their skin tight between your lips

And you suck their juices from their pulp



Or that glorious bar of soap

As you lather it across your skin

Each sudsy bubble cascading in ripples

Down your muscles and hard body



Because throughout each of my days

My bar of soap becomes your hands

The food touching my lips...your tongue

My chair....your lap

My music....your voice

My pillow...your chest



My fingers...yours


Copyright ©2007 man&SippingTheVastSpring

I respond...

As I share a meal with my family

I sit in an almost drunken state

My body is present but my mind wanders with thoughts of you

I lift the fork to my lips

And wonder if anyone around me notices

The smile turning up the corners of my mouth

To them it must look like my fare is exceptional

I am thankful they cannot read my mind

Because as the fork enters my mouth and presses against my tongue

I think of your tongue pressing against mine

When my taste buds water at that first bite

I grow wet between my thighs

And wonder if anyone will notice

Or be able to see

How even when you are absent

My body responds to you

Copyright ©2007 man&SippingTheVastSpring

I want to sleep with you...

I want to sleep with you...

So close our bodies' heat radiates against each other
Causing us to sweat

I want to lay my head on your chest
And feel the vibrations against my ear and cheek when you speak
The rise and fall of each of your breaths

I want to hear your heart beating
At the same time I feel mine racing

I want to rise up and watch you sleeping
So peacefully and soundly, so content

And as my curves begin to brush against you
Your body responds and your hardness begins to poke against me
Moving on its own accord toward me
Seeking me out....I pull you in
Causing us both to gasp out loud



Copyright ©2007 man&SippingTheVastSpring
Image Source: Yahoo Images

Drive me...

I want you to drive me home tonight
And make my heart pound like two fists on a drum
Where I can hear no other sounds but our bodies and breaths

I want to feel burning hot under your caress
As your tongue travels along all my routes of pleasure
And mine along yours

Discovering hidden, untraveled paths
Driving deep and fast down our highways
Pushing us past the point of no return
Sending us over that line

And as we fly off that edge
Our fingers tightly entwined
We will hear no other sound
But our souls screaming in ecstasy
As our breaths catch and our hearts leap

And as we begin to fall
Instead of moving faster
Our pace slows
Our breaths calm
Our heartbeats soften
Till once again....we are on a Sunday drive.

Copyright ©2007 man&SippingTheVastSpring

In a fix...

It came to my attention today
That when I don't get time to play
My mood can take a turn any day...
For the worse!

I know so clearly what I want
Not getting it puts me in a funk
I never wanted to live life like a monk...
Are you kidding?

Just thinking about it makes me itchy
And then I get a little bit witchy
But most of all I end up bitchy...
And who wants that?

So I seem to be in quite a pickle
And it's making me feel very fickle
I really just want my man to tickle...
I better stop there.



Copyright ©2007 man&SippingTheVastSpring