I am not sure I could honestly say I would recommend them to anyone. I have met MANY men yes...a couple very nice....most mainly there because they want some kind of sex, even if just phone sex. SO okay, I appreciate most of their honesty...though a few have been less than honest or upfront. And don't get me wrong. The women are just as bad if not worse on these sites.
It is odd how it all makes one feel. I have caught myself gauging my level of self worth by what others on these sites might think of me. You can feel pretty crappy one minute and think you will never meet anyone you might be remotely interested in.....and then the next be bombarded by men who reportedly love you and make over you....a couple of them even being very nice.....but none you are still really attracted to. And I know they could not possibly love me as they do not even know me. And I have met few to none that I could envision in my home with me under "any" circumstances. I start to feel a little like I did back in my 20s when life was very wild and free. BUT I also notice I start to feel just like a piece of meat put on display waiting for someone to come make their assessment of their favorite meat cuts. While I desire to one day be sexual again with a man and embrace it...I do not desire it in this manner. It makes me feel cheap and very much like a whore. . I am being assessed and sized up so they can put the price they are willing to pay for ME out there to see if I will accept it or not. That tends to bother me a bit. And I am not devaluing a whore. I am very much for being "the whore" when the time, person, and place is appropriate.
I had no idea I had labeled myself inappropriately either. After I got bombarded by sexual comments and such after using the first LABEL I had picked as my reason for being there (which I think was something like "OTHER RELATIONSHIP") I rewrote my profile and changed to ACTIVITY PARTNER, having NO freaking idea that meant I was there FOR sexual encounters. DUH ME ..MY bad.
A nice 37-year-old man sent me a message last night...telling me to change my profile from ACTIVITY partner to something else....as that was one big reason men might be making sexual comments to me....because that is what ACTIVITY PARTNER MEANT! Oh really? Since when did it come to mean that? Am I that naive and been out of the social scene that long? I honestly thought it meant doing things together.....you know...hanging out. I guess in other minds it does indeed mean that, but in a "sexual" way.
SO I now have it changed to the lowest level of involvement, "TALK/EMAIL", figuring that might make things safer. Then the same 37-year-old sent me a message immediately after my change telling me that was better but then quickly adding "but if you ever want to talk about sex just let me know!" of course joking, but it got me to thinking. WHY are most people on singles sites and WHAT exactly are they looking for. Are the ones who say they are there to just hang out and do things like movies and coffee together really there just for a movie and coffee? I somehow think perhaps "not." I thanked the 37-year-old honest man....felt like I must be really out of it and naive to NOT realize this...and quickly logged back out of the site.
On another singles site I was experimenting with I find I do not even look at much of the criteria one has listed on their profile if a few of my requirements or MUST HAVEs in the other person are missing. Is that fair to do? Part of me thinks so...as we would hopefully cut through the crap up front and save us both some valuable lost/wasted time. But maybe I am also missing out as some who do that with me would be missing out.
Regardless, I really do not believe the man that is meant for me in any capacity in my life will be found on any singles site anyway. It has been a learning experience and sometimes amusing. I almost feel like I am doing research. BUT......I really think I am just going to hang it all up and GIVE UP and ALLOW the universe to work its magic.....and what is meant to be....will just have to come to me when everything is in place and the time is right. I only hope it is before I am 90 years old!
AND I KNOW and believe this to be true. I know and believe it will happen as sure as I type it all down here.....so I am no longer fretting over it.
Life is such a mystery...but the universe is incredibly amazing and will always give you your heart's desires.
So be it...
Copyright ©2007 Melinda A. Napoletano
Image Source: Yahoo Images
3 comments:
i met my boyfriend of almost two years on okcupid... i thought it was fun, but then again, i'm wild and in my early 20s and i work hard to not let myself get treated like a piece of meat (i write mean, evil, replies to anyone who thinks they can take such advantage of me!) but i had no idea 'activities partner' was sexual! aieieieieie!!!
oh, ps- my boy and i were a 43% match- so ignore the numbers and go with your gut if you keep doing the singles site thing...
i've heard of a lot of horror stories about the singles sites. i even gave them a try when i was single and had to wade through a lot of crap. i finally did meet my wonderful husband through one. we've been together 5 years this month. so it is possible to find a gem.
WOW....2 good happy endings! I should be encouraged then and perhaps reconsider! :)
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